Transformer1349 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 My wife has never really tried to make me her best friend. She's always taken me for granted. She almost lost me several years ago because I had feelings for someone else. Someone whom I felt was my best friend. Ever since then, she's tried very hard to become my best friend. She apologized for taking me for granted for 11 years. She is REALLY trying. We have 3 kids. It took everything I had for 11 years to keep us together, and the last time I just feel like something inside me snapped. I still love her, but don't feel connected anymore, despite her best efforts. What do I do? I don't want to leave her, because of my kids. I don't want to hurt her, but I am not able to really connect with her anymore. I feel like all my actions are just a facade. A smokescreen to make her thing things are peachy. What do I do? I just feel like my feelings for her are all used up! I don't feel like I can reconnect with her. I'm not sure that I want to. I've been hurt too many times, and I think it may be impossible for me to open back up to the possible heartache. As I said, she's REALLY been trying for a bit, but what if I still can't connect?
HopelessinDTW Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 My wife has never really tried to make me her best friend. She's always taken me for granted. She almost lost me several years ago because I had feelings for someone else. Someone whom I felt was my best friend. Ever since then, she's tried very hard to become my best friend. She apologized for taking me for granted for 11 years. She is REALLY trying. We have 3 kids. It took everything I had for 11 years to keep us together, and the last time I just feel like something inside me snapped. I still love her, but don't feel connected anymore, despite her best efforts. What do I do? I don't want to leave her, because of my kids. I don't want to hurt her, but I am not able to really connect with her anymore. I feel like all my actions are just a facade. A smokescreen to make her thing things are peachy. What do I do? I just feel like my feelings for her are all used up! I don't feel like I can reconnect with her. I'm not sure that I want to. I've been hurt too many times, and I think it may be impossible for me to open back up to the possible heartache. As I said, she's REALLY been trying for a bit, but what if I still can't connect? Tell her how you feel. Then make an appointment to see a marriage councelor together. You need an objective, third party, to resolve whatever issues you are having. Please do not throw away your marriage without trying. She is obviously trying her best, maybe it's not working for you? I think you're here early enough that things can be salvalgable. It seems like you're just confused, and perhaps in a rut. This is not unusual...it happens in every marriage. You just need to find a way to reconnect, and that's where the marriage councelor can help. If at the end of it you decide there's nothing left of you to give, then you can separate and know that you tried your best.
hopesndreams Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I've been hurt too many times, and I think it may be impossible for me to open back up to the possible heartache. As I said, she's REALLY been trying for a bit, but what if I still can't connect? What has your W done to hurt you? Is there another woman involved?
KikiW Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 If she's making an effort, and you don't want to leave, then you need to make an effort too. Like previous comments, try and find a counselor (whether to work with you both or just you). counselors can be worth their weight in gold if they can get you to see where the breakdowns are and offer ways to improve. Also, go to your local library or bookstore and start browsing the relationship sections. I don't have a specific title to recommend, perhaps someone else does. Bottom line though, either you're going to put in effort and give it a chance or you won't make the effort and it will fail. It's up to you - good luck
Green Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I've been hurt too many times, and I think it may be impossible for me to open back up to the possible heartache. As I said, she's REALLY been trying for a bit, but what if I still can't connect? What has your W done to hurt you? Is there another woman involved? Yes is there another woman involved?
The-Zen-Warrior Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Transformer1349 : I would have to tend to agree with forum member HopelessinDTW, you might really need to seek out and then retain the services of a marriage counselor. Jump in and do this now, while the getting is good. Do this now, while you still have a marriage, that appears to be worthy enough of saving. Don't think you are going to be able to "fix" this problem on your own! By the way your making it sound, if left to your own devices, the marriage most likely will be over sooner, than later. Also, my personal opinion, you just might have to break down here and realize that you in no way shape or form are responsible for your wife's thoughts and or feeling, when it comes to how she feel about you. It's great that your trying to incorporate her thoughts and feeling into your scenario, but maybe keeping tabs on two peoples thoughts and feelings here, may be to much for you to handle at present. Now don't go hog wild and try to research your situation and then in turn, give yourself a complex over it. To much research can be a bad thing. But I would recommend that you take a drive to your local book store and investigate some good marriage and or relationship styled books, namely books that deal with saving a relationship. Remember these books don't have to be 1000's of pages thick, just something simple, easy on the eye's, buy them and start researching your situation, and see what the bone heads that wrote the books have to tell you. Also I would recommend that you don't hide this problem from your family. Because if long term separation and or divorce is in the cards, you don't want to "blind side" family. Plus keeping certain trusted family members in the loop is a good thing, if needed, they can jump into action and help you out quickly, rather than trying to bring them up to speed as so they know why they are helping you. Remember "trusted" family members only, don't want to leak this information to either the gossip Queen or King of the family. Another point, you mentioned you have 3 kid's, I wouldn't bundle them into the same group of family members you will share this information with. If I were you, I would do my best, for the time being, to guard them from all of this, until the time was right to sit down and have a talk with them. You will more than likely know when the time is right. But remember, children are not "intellectuals" when you talk to them, please try and remember to talk at their level. Remember your children are the most sacred part of this whole situation! Well I could keep going on & on, but I'm going to stop, if you seek out that marriage counselor or therapist, they will bring up more things to do.... I wish you the best of luck here, please keep us posted with updates!
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