Perplexed81 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Quick background, me and my ex-fiancee have been broke up 2 months now. She dumped me becuase of how I got when I didn't get my way. I gave up a ton of things for her and ontop of that controlled all my finances. I never ever saw my check and went directly into her account (joint). I would have an allowance for stuff and if I wanted something I would let her know. Now most of you may think, what a terrible idea but she was very good with money which Is why I chose this route. She never stole or spent excessive amounts of money infact was the opposite. However becuase of all this things I gave up (this is just one) it got to the point whenever I wanted something she would ALWAYS say we don't have the money even though we DID. Its like if we don't have a million dollars in the bank (exaggerating) then we don't have the money. I'm not gonna lie I'd get pissed and wouldnt speak to her for days until she finally gave in. We were scheduled to get married last month, had the ring, all the plans made, we were together for 2 years, lived for 1.5 years, her daughter was calling me dad, was extremely close to her family and they all loved me. After last blow up I called and was the bigger man and told her I was sorry for the way I acted, that it wasn't worth it and as soon as she said the words "I don't think this is gonna work" i hung the phone up, went to the house, packed up all my stuff and left. I get a text about 6 that afternoon from her daughter (8 years old) said "daddy please come home, i'm crying". I text her back very kindly saying "I know sweety, I wish I could but mommy needs some alone time". I didn't contact her for 2 weeks and she didn't contact me. After 2 weeks of no contact I contacted her and said that I hope we could be friends and she said "We can be civil" eventually I texted her back and had taken these 2 weeks of no contact to look over our relationship as a whole and I concluded that I did EVERYTHING wrong, I shouldn't have left the way I did, I shouldn't have blownup, all of this could have been worked out a million other ways than they did. I tried explaining these things to her and she said she just doesn't see a future, she says she loves me very much but her decision is no and that its doing whats best for her and her daughter. However she told a friend of mine that she decided not to get back together with me becuase of the way I handled the breakup. She still takes my daughter to school everyday and talks with my ex-wife (baby's momma). I did the usual, sent her flowers with a card, texted her (not excessively) just to get closure. She would never give me a straight answer as far as giving us another shot. It wasn't it until another week went by that it seemed like I had to pry an answer out of her and it was no, theres no future. I cut off all contact again and its been another 2 weeks no contact so far with a total of almost 2 months without seeing each other. She's not seeing anyone nor talking with anyone. Her daughter tells my daughter almost everyday that she hopes me and her mom get back together. My ex still seems very bitter as well she should be. My question is, her daughter which still sees me as her dad is having a birthday in the next 2 weeks. I thought about sending her a card and some birthday money for toys, should I? Funny thing is my ex and her daughter both have birthdays 2 days apart in the next 2 weeks. I thought about sending both of them a card but decided since she hasn't really responded at all to my flowers and cards and texts that I wasn't going to send her one but I want to send her daughter a card. Would that be ok or not? P.S. I've accepted the breakup and although I'd like to reconcile I've been getting on with my life at the same time. I'm not sitting around waiting, If she comes to me say a year from now and wants to get back together I'm sure that ship will have sailed by then. Personally I would only be up for getting back together sooner becuase the more time passes the more I'll just look at it like "if she couldn't be with me through the bad, then certainly I won't allow her to be with me through the good".
Fern Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Yes. Send the child a card. And a gift. It's not her fault the two of you are fighting. Don't punish her for the split. But stay NC with your Ex. She needs to see/believe in real change before she'll take you back.
Author Perplexed81 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Thank you for the response and I was leaning towards sending her a card and some toy money but will keep NC with the ex. I've read alot on these forums and can't understand several things. 1. Women obviously don't believe an ex when he says he's changed and I get that but how in the world are they supposed to know you've changed if they aren't around to see it? 2. My ex originally split with me becuase of how I got when I didn't get my way and two, becuause of my excessive poker playing. What she didn't know is, is that the only reason I kept playing poker is becuase I had given up soo much (hanging out with friends, social life, moved in with HER, let her do all the finances, etc etc.) that I was stubborn and hung onto poker becuase I just saw it as another thing she was TAKING AWAY from me. Infact as much as I used to play poker and go to the casino's with friends in the past, over the past year or so I quit it about 90% becuase I just didn't like it anymore and it didn't fit with the life I had chosen I.E. going hunting, fishing, family, kiddos etc. So now the ex has put me in the category of a degenerate gambler which i am NOT. How in the world could we pay for our new cars, the trip to mexico and all the other things we have if I was labled a degenerate? I've not played poker or anything since the split becuase again I JUST DON"T HAVE THE DESIRE FOR IT ANYMORE and won't in the future but she fails to see the reason behind why i kept playing poker. I just don't get it, she told everyone I was the one, that god finally sent her the man she was supposed to be with after all the crummy relationships she's been through. 1 month from the wedding date and she decides that suddenly these things are things she can't deal with for the rest of her life. She knew me from day 1 and I was upfront about the things that bothered her but eventually I was weened off (by her) slowly but surely and chose a different lifestyle and all her family and she knew this. So again, she broke up with me for those 2 things, poker and how I get when I don't get may way. But she sent a friend of mine an email saying that she's not getting back together with me becuase of HOW I acted during the breakup. So which is it? the 2 things or how I took the breakup? She said things could have easily been worked out had I acted in a normal manner during the breakup but honestly, who acts normal during a breakup? especially when you've invested EVERYTHING. Yea, people get wacky, say mean things and do means things that they don't mean. I have a sense she wants to get back together (sense, even though I don't know for sure) but i'm sure becuase of all the bashing she's giving me to her friends and family she's probably too proud to look like an idiot for actually taking me back. Ok i'm just ranting and have been rambling. Just expressing my thoughts. Anybody's 2 cents I would appreciate, and again, these are just thoughts, i'm going on with life as usual but these are things inside my head and I do think alot.
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