watshername Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 It's been two months. I still feel exactly the same. If possible, worse. I love him so much, I guess I still have hope that we will get back together but we WONT I don't understand why I can't accept this. we still talk, we need to sort the flat out as we paid unfront for it and theres a lot going on with that. The other week I felt like I was finally getting over it. But now I've just gone right back to the start again. I feel like I've lost so much of me. I'm so isolated and alone, I try to force myself to be around people but it's no where near the same. Living on my own is worse, I used to have someone there all the time, someone who made me feel so happy. Now xmas is coming up and I'm so scared. It used to be my fave time of the year but this one will suck. He was the love of my life and I don't know where to start to get over him.
Fern Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Start with no contact. It's counter-intuitive, but it really, really helps. Why/how did the two of you break up?
Author watshername Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Ive tried no contact I just miss him even more. We have to talk at some points about money. we broke up because he thought we werent right for eachother. He is very depressed and I tried to be there for him but he just ended up pushing me further away. I guess I just thought that love would bring us through it but it didnt. He doesnt love me enough to try.
fabio10 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Hi, sorry your feeling blue, dont beat yourself up at feeling down there is no sell by date unfortunately on when you will feel totally better, Im 4months since she dumped me, and like you I feel she was the love of my life but as time slowly goes by I start to think maybe she was my first true love... no one knows what the future holds but the quicker you go no contact the better you will start to heal at first it will be so hard but as the days turn into weeks and weeks into months you will start to notice a change trust me !
Leandro Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 We all feel your pain or have in the past, so you're not alone. I think that the contact with him is what's keeping you from healing faster, but I understand about the flat. I use to have someone there too, someone who made me very happy. She's gone now. I hear you about the Holidays. My ex wanted the romantic kiss in the snow and I gave it to here. I'm 20 and it has only snowed twice my whole life, so it was a very romantic day for me and her. I won't have anyone to have that kiss with. She will be with the other guy. It's sad but we have to move on. Just let it out for now. Cry and vent. If you want to tell your ex something, go to the coping page and post there. It helps out a lot. Just remember that time heals all wounds and that you'll be fine.
Fern Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Ive tried no contact I just miss him even more. We have to talk at some points about money. we broke up because he thought we werent right for eachother. He is very depressed and I tried to be there for him but he just ended up pushing me further away. I guess I just thought that love would bring us through it but it didnt. He doesnt love me enough to try. Maybe you need to allow him the room to miss you. Let him realise what he's missing. It sounds to me like he hasn't fully appreciated what a support you are. Why should he try when you're always there trying enough for both of you. If you REALLY want him back then your only choice is to withdraw from him completely. It might not work, but propping him up and moping DEFINITELY won't work. It's the only choice you have, my darling. What you're doing isn't solving anything - one way or another.
valpre Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Healing is often a process of two steps forward, one step back - don't put too much pressure on yourself, two months isn't such a long time. I also had to adjust to living on my own after having someone around all the time, it's hard, but it will get easier. Maybe start some projects around the house. Change the furniture around, go shopping for some books, nice candles, bubble baths, new pillows, plants, anything to make you and your space feel more special. Sometimes it helps to just focus on the little things. And yes, start no contact, it's an important step in breaking the attachment and giving yourself the space and time you need to start feeling better. You'll start to re-discover parts of you as you begin to feel whole again. Remember that you're not alone, have faith that people do care about you.
Fern Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Valpre, you've been a member a long time. Are you over your heartbreak yet? :-)
Author watshername Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Is it completely imperative that there is no contact? He is my best friend also. i'm scared I'll lose him forever. We are on good terms and I really want to be in his life. I know it's best to have no contact but I'm scared that he will forget me and our relationship will eventually just be something that he only thinks of now and then and not what is it to me. All consuming and hurtful.
valpre Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Valpre, you've been a member a long time. Are you over your heartbreak yet? :-) Haha - yes it's been a long time, but am pretty much over it (I think ). I feel like I've got myself back and have a better perspective on things. Now I'm just trying to adjust to the world of dating, which has it's ups and downs too .
valpre Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Is it completely imperative that there is no contact? He is my best friend also. i'm scared I'll lose him forever. We are on good terms and I really want to be in his life. I know it's best to have no contact but I'm scared that he will forget me and our relationship will eventually just be something that he only thinks of now and then and not what is it to me. All consuming and hurtful. Why not try to set yourself a milestone - say that you won't contact him for at least a month, and then evaluate how you feel after that. You need space for yourself right now, so that you can begin to see things more clearly. If it's meant to be, he won't forget about you.
Fern Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Why not try to set yourself a milestone - say that you won't contact him for at least a month, and then evaluate how you feel after that. You need space for yourself right now, so that you can begin to see things more clearly. If it's meant to be, he won't forget about you. This is good advice. You may find that after a few weeks of NC you notice how much it helps. Valpre - glad to hear you're over it! I was getting worried... ;-)
Recommended Posts