Have you found your "reason"?

[Pyro]

I had reasons (one for each) and I learned from each one. Some of it was my fault and some of it were the ex's fault and some of it was a shared blame.

 

-lack of communication

-lack of assertiveness

-the passion faded away

-she cheated on me

 

I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't from learning from each of them.

Edited November 5, 2010 by Pyro

[Gdunkman]

Ouch, I'm guilty of commiting a similar pattern, :/

 

My immature excuse was that, I'm not going to stay in a relationship longer than a year if I can't see a future. That seems smart BUT, if I didn't see anything possible why stay the whole year etc... plus I was young too and needy wanting to have someone there, and never giving myself the time to get over a past relationship, instead just diving in to another one. Gosh have I learned from all that. I my case though, I am an example that people can change. I don't want to do that anymore and now I'm mourning the loss of my ex. Yes I broke up wioth him 2x within close to two years :/ The last time he wasn't having it, I kind of just blurted it out in the heat of the moment, but I tried to fix it that same day and talk to him. Now that we've been broken up over 3 months, I've realized so much. I still love him. He won't take me back, he can't trust me, but says he still loves me? There you go, I'm growing and learning a painful but much needed lesson. Whoop!

 

That is my question as well "why stay the whole year?"

 

After just three months of living together she started to write in her diary that she is not happy, she told me that when we were breaking up, why did she need another half a year to move away? Why did she need to send me mixed signals for two more months? She ruined my stability and trust in people. I wait for chemistry in my head to dissappear, I'm tired to hate and miss at the same time. Luckily we have no reasons to contact anymore.

[valpre]

I learned the following things for my next relationship: to pay attention to my gut feelings more, not to compromise my values to make someone else happy, to love myself enough to not tolerate certain things in a relationship, to realize that I am capable of loving someone with everything I have, and to realize what I certaintly DON'T want in my next relationship

 

for these reasons, I'm 'glad' I dated him, because I wouldn't have come to those realizations I dont think, unless I went through the experiences I went through because of him

 

All good lessons to learn havehope - pretty much the same as what I had to learn, especially the compromising part!

[valpre]

It has taken me the best part of 7 long months to actually KNOW that "the reason" was not me. When you're cheated on, you tend to believe it's your fault. And I did, for months and months. When I overanalysed the nothing that I had done, I let the questions and the self doubt melt away. I was just so tired of everything. I am so proud of myself to have gotten to this point.

 

That's so great LTC! We tend to be so hard on ourselves when someone else walks away/cheats on us. I'm glad you're letting go and realising that the reason wasn't "you".

[tobydog]

After 8 weeks of analyzing

-we married too soon and he was too young

-he had a violent father and many issues, never went out or any friends

-8 years of IVF

-baby arrives, I am worn out so stop cooking, cleaning, sex etc

-all summer I just want out of the chaos, play golf

-start a business which grew too fast for him

-I like a drink, he went mental if I did, only twice a week, my escape like computer games are his

-I disrespected him and insulted him

-he got us into big debt over the years

-he gets a part time job this summer and new friends, goes out more and more

-we had a drunken fight, I lashed out at him

-he went to a new life and I suspect OW the next day and has never been back or even civil to me

-he has filed for divorce and blames it totally on me for ruining his life by my drinking ( I have never been violent before)

[Cee]

The reason was that I had a lot of growing up to do and he was content with not growing up any more. I made a choice- my growth or be the same and be with him forever. In the end, I chose me over him.

 

We met up 10 years after the break up. I was grown up and he was exactly the same. Like Wendy and Peter Pan.

 

I still get sad thinking about it. I never loved anyone else like I loved him. But I now love myself more than I ever loved him. I guess that's a happy ending.

[cerridwen]

Yea, I guess this is more of the "reason" I'm trying to understand - not the direct circumstances that led to the breakup.

 

As in maybe one day we'll only know the reason when we have someone better in our lives? Or is the reason something that we're supposed to learn from life.

 

Not sure if I'm making sense

 

You are making sense.

 

The reason for it not working out is because I was meant to grow in a different direction than he would have taken me. Had I "gone" with him, it would have been hell on earth and everything I never wanted in a relationship. I was in denial how bad we were for each other.

 

I learned to stop taking control of uncontrollable situations and instead accept the flow of them. I learned not to be afraid if it flowed towards things ending. I learned that letting go can be the best thing I ever do. I also learned I have a lot more purpose than I ever realized and that purpose does not include being miserable.

Edited November 13, 2010 by cerridwen