V.Vixen Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 So, FWB, who shares a ton of mutual friends, went running his mouth to someone, and it got back to one of my best friends that we have beeen sleeping together. (SMALL town) I tell my girlffriend everything, so she was taken aback. He flat out denies saying anything. We had agreed over and over that we would keep this quiet because we are from a small town and didn't want rumors to fly. She had details that only would be known if he told them. We (FWB) have been in communication pretty much daily for months. I really trusted him. I'm pretty****ing hurt. I'm not a dramatic person, so I am not going to make a big stink about it, I will just really miss him in my life... We had an agreement, I trusted him, he broke it and now I look like an ass for lying to my best friend. Aaaaaaand, this is why I moved from that small town. Never again.
hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Why didn't the FWB move into a relationship?
Idalis Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I think if its your best friend, truly, she will understand. FWB is not something that suually gets publicized anyhow.
fishtaco Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Never lived in a small town, can't comment on that. But yeah, he broke promise, you were right to bail on him. Sounded like you two had a good thing going, to bad for him he had to brag, now you're gone. I would say, he's dumb for throwing this away. As for your best friend, I would side with Idalis. Tell her your reason for trying to keep it secret, if she's truly your best friend, she'll understand. If not, then it's only a matter of time that she'll stop being your best friend even if this drama didn't happen. When poopoo hits the fan, that's when you know who your true friends are.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I'd say you were right to let this dude go, because he did break a promise, not only that, but he felt the need the brag about it, which is immature and then lied about doing so. Your friend should understand, explain it to her and if she still won't be your friend, she wasn't anyway. In your friend's shoes, I'd do my best to understand and put it behind us, not the biggest deal.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I have pretty much been in this exact situation but the person I slept with was someone who I also worked with and somebody who my best friend also used to like. And yep, sh*t hit the fan when she and all my work mates found out. I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for but I hope you and your friend are alright. If you're not, it may take some time but I'm sure you will forgiven if your friendship was strong. The guy doesn't sound like the nicest fellow and make sure you don't let him back into your life girl! Be strong.
TheMENemy Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Too bad, the FWB shouldn't have done that. But you need to stop lying to your friends, too. The real problem here is that you're trying to present a false image of yourself. You want to have casual sexual relationships but not be generally perceived as someone who does that sort of thing.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Too bad, the FWB shouldn't have done that. But you need to stop lying to your friends, too. The real problem here is that you're trying to present a false image of yourself. You want to have casual sexual relationships but not be generally perceived as someone who does that sort of thing. I don't see it that way. Her sex life is HER sex life. She can choose to tell whoever she likes about it, or choose to keep it private. I'm in a f-buddy thing right now-do I tell my friends? No. I'm not trying to present a false image of myself, I'd just rather keep that information to myself. I don't feel the need to tell people. Casual sex is the same as relationship sex in a sense, few people actually discuss it. It happens, but it's 'private'. OP has every right to keep it to herself and not be judged on that.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I don't see it that way. Her sex life is HER sex life. She can choose to tell whoever she likes about it, or choose to keep it private. I'm in a f-buddy thing right now-do I tell my friends? No. I'm not trying to present a false image of myself, I'd just rather keep that information to myself. I don't feel the need to tell people. Casual sex is the same as relationship sex in a sense, few people actually discuss it. It happens, but it's 'private'. OP has every right to keep it to herself and not be judged on that. I don't see anything wrong with 2 consenting adults having a sexual realtionship. I TRUSTED the FWB, we communicated greatly about our intentions. My friend's not mad at me or anything, I am more upset that he broke that trust (we've been friends for a while), and that I am losing that friendship. He claims he drank too much one night and doesn't remember anything. Yeahhh, not a good enough excuse. We talked on a regular basis. and now I feel pretty lost and betrayed by the FWB.
D-Jam Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 1) How do you know it was your FWB running his mouth? I'm sure you have proof, so I'm not attacking...but if you have a tight circle of friends and live in a small town, you can't hide stuff like that. Many at times will see changes and differences in people, and can tell there's something going on. 2) Why run? Why not pursue something more? What are you so afraid of? You think the town is going to call you a "whore" or something?
tigressA Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 1) How do you know it was your FWB running his mouth? OP said that her friend had details she only could've known if OP herself or the FWB told her. And since the OP didn't tell her...
TaurusTerp Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 He slipped up and told his friend....is it really that big a deal?
TheMENemy Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 He slipped up and told his friend....is it really that big a deal? No, not unless she doesn't want word getting 'round that she's up for this kind of relationship. Maybe she's worried if other guys find out, guys she might be more seriously interested in for a relationship, her social value plummets?
D-Jam Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Yes...I would agree there. Rep can do something. Lord knows I've seen many hot women who put out too easily get the stigma put on them of being good for "sex only". Meaning guys will then see her as "not relationship material" because they know she's done loads of casual sex or some kind of thing like that.
Mad Max Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Even more of a reason as to why FWBs almost never end well.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I don't see it that way. Her sex life is HER sex life. She can choose to tell whoever she likes about it, or choose to keep it private. I'm in a f-buddy thing right now-do I tell my friends? No. I'm not trying to present a false image of myself, I'd just rather keep that information to myself. I don't feel the need to tell people. Casual sex is the same as relationship sex in a sense, few people actually discuss it. It happens, but it's 'private'. OP has every right to keep it to herself and not be judged on that. This is shaky logic!! For anyone can clearly see that by doing nothing to correct the perceptions, you are merely allowing a false impression of yourself to be had by anyone who cares... Obviously you need not physically "present" anything to anyone in order to find them believing what they wish, until such time as when you prove them incorrect. Yet you're here, seemingly in support of the OP, while maintaining that "she can choose to tell whoever she likes about it" while not affording her male partner the same right. (I will agree that HER sex life is her sex life, and she is free to tell whom she chooses)
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