GorillaTheater Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You and I have never met but I know we're not suited. You're just in denial over the smoldering chemistry and the patently obvious fact that you're hot for my stuff.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I don't think there's anything wrong with making plans on the weekends; I'm a busy college student so weekdays are always off limits to parties and having fun ( I'm sure those who work 9-5 can say the same). What I see as a problem with this guys is how he went about explaining his reason in a circle. Why tell you all of this when he could have just skipped to the point and countered with a weekday plan. Instead, he merely made it worse by cancelling out all the weekends. As to the argument of high interest vs. low interest, I think OG merely wants someone who goes after what he wants ( as TBF has stated). Instead of making excuses ( " Me and my mates, etc, this or that") how about just being forthcoming with a simple date? " I can't find free time on the weekends, but how about next Tuesday, Wednesday, or even Friday?" That would have exuded a more " higher" level of him wanting a meet and greet, rather than just placing everything on OG's court. Afterall, she was the one who skipped all the nonesense correspondence to meeting as soon as possible.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I dunno ladies. Low interest men have not been my thing. They're a lot of work and for some, there's return but I'm happy with my high interest husband! There are people who are happy at slower paces. Myself, it takes a serious blitzing to get through to me. So, net result, it depends on individual needs. Your husband was high interest because he had actually MET you and was quite taken with you after that meeting. Very few men are that high interest with women they've NEVER MET, particularly after a mere week of emails, and I'd submit to you that those who are, are kinda nutso.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Maybe it's personal? Either way, he doesn't HAVE to explain ANYTHING to her. He doesn't know her and what he's doing on the weekends is none of her business. They are still STRANGERS at this point, remember? He's got a spine. Not a good sign if you're looking for a PW type of guy. This is my thought: and take it for what you will. There comes a point when crippling insecurities lead people to preemptively reject others so they can't be rejected. The problem is that sort of behavior tends to become a habit and you may end up rejecting people you could have built a life with. *shrugs Agreed, 1000000000%!!!
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Also note that OG/SACWA has not returned to this thread, her usual MO when she knows the responses she's going to receive...
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Also note that OG/SACWA has not returned to this thread, her usual MO when she knows the responses she's going to receive... It's also six am in australia about.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Anyhow, there is another OKC guy who seems very interested and has wanted to meet for the past few weeks (I told him that I am not ready). He is not as good looking but he is really intelligent and we seem to have few things in common. I told him last night that I am now ready to meet and he offered Tuesday evening right away. So we are having drinks then Note how this guy ALSO didn't offer the weekend. But that is perfectly OK because he offered a specific day and specific plans. With the guy that was the subject of this thread, I ended up responding with no worries, but that I am busy all week with end of term exam and assignment marking so things are really hectic (this is true but I still could have met as could he on the weekend despite his other engagements). I didn't offer any specific time when I can meet, I left it with "perhaps the week after". Whatevs. He is just a profile to me at this stage. If he ends up making an effort to schedule plans, I will be open to meeting him - if not I am quickly losing patience with being penpals.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Star I was sleeping I just woke up now and am about to go to work.
Kamille Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 The advice people give on LS often comes from a tidy, idealistic understanding of the world that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. People don't act rationally or logically. Once you start to notice the patterns in human behavior, people become pretty easy to predict. Hi SP I think you pay strong attention to the negative - as does OG - and give little credit for the positive. OG and you have both consistently told me that I live a charmed life and that my view of the world is idealistic. I was reading an article on positive psychology lately that made me think of you. Here's a few quotes: "Seligman had become a true believer in the power of optimism after decaded spent studying the opposite: hopelessness. (...) People who are likely to become helpless - strong pessimists - see all negative situations as stable and widespread, and so, (...) they stop looking for escape because they don't believe they exist. Even in an escape route exists, a pessimist will believe that it doesn't lead anywhere better. By contrast, Seligman found that humans who are optimistic have a completely different way of thinking about the world. When things are going well, they tend to believe that situation is stable and universal, and that they are responsible for creating such a positive state of affairs. When times get tough, optimists see it as a passing event, for which they are not primarily responsible. (...) The pessimists feels that bad situations are the norm, while the optimist knows that many problems are not worth worrying about, and many will eventually resolve themselves. Best to just get on with life." Jeremy Nelson, The Peer Review, spring summer 2006. All that to say, there is nothing wrong with seeing the best in people and giving people the benefit of the doubt. It actually is proven to lead to... better relationships and better self-esteem.
sagetalk Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What would you do? If you next him for that, you have no clue what you are doing.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I will give you an example: I posted about the politician guy here before. I liked him the most out of all the guys I met online and he ended up really hurting even though we only dated for a few weeks (a month really). I posted threads about him being low interest. I got basically the same advice that I am getting now. He had to work weekends, he didn't contact me that much etc etc... Fast forward to now (I stupidly stayed in touch with him over IM and have him on my FB). He met a girl on OKC. After 2 weeks with her, he changed his FB status to "in a relationship with..." After 3 weeks, he created a picture album of them together He still works weekends but he actually brings her to work with him. She has met all his friends and family in under a month of dating. Same guy, they met the same way, the only difference being that he is highly interested in her but wasn't in me. My point is; people do what they passionately want to do. Anything else are just excuses for string along low interest guys.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Anyhow, there is another OKC guy who seems very interested and has wanted to meet for the past few weeks (I told him that I am not ready). He is not as good looking but he is really intelligent and we seem to have few things in common. I told him last night that I am now ready to meet and he offered Tuesday evening right away. So we are having drinks then Note how this guy ALSO didn't offer the weekend. But that is perfectly OK because he offered a specific day and specific plans. With the guy that was the subject of this thread, I ended up responding with no worries, but that I am busy all week with end of term exam and assignment marking so things are really hectic (this is true but I still could have met as could he on the weekend despite his other engagements). I didn't offer any specific time when I can meet, I left it with "perhaps the week after". Whatevs. He is just a profile to me at this stage. If he ends up making an effort to schedule plans, I will be open to meeting him - if not I am quickly losing patience with being penpals. So you lied to him? You're not THAT busy if you made time for the other guy. I agree with sagetalk.
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 My instinct is she feels more secure, more in control, with the guy she made time for. Fair enough. My point is; people do what they passionately want to do. Anything else are just excuses for string along low interest guys. You appeared to be passionate enough about the man who is the topic of the thread to proactively ask him out. Was your passion that fleeting? IMO, passion as a motivator should be gender-neutral. How do you feel about that?
jerbear Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I will give you an example: I posted about the politician guy here before. I liked him the most out of all the guys I met online and he ended up really hurting even though we only dated for a few weeks (a month really). I posted threads about him being low interest. I got basically the same advice that I am getting now. He had to work weekends, he didn't contact me that much etc etc... Fast forward to now (I stupidly stayed in touch with him over IM and have him on my FB). He met a girl on OKC. After 2 weeks with her, he changed his FB status to "in a relationship with..." After 3 weeks, he created a picture album of them together He still works weekends but he actually brings her to work with him. She has met all his friends and family in under a month of dating. Same guy, they met the same way, the only difference being that he is highly interested in her but wasn't in me. My point is; people do what they passionately want to do. Anything else are just excuses for string along low interest guys. I think you should next the Thursday guy since you have low interest; not ready, blah blah blah, presentation blah blah blah. Plus stringing him along till the weekend guy drops whatever he is doing just to meet someone new. The weekend guy, subject of this thread; should next you since he has low interest in you and you didn't take his during the week counter offer. You should next him because he has low interest in you by spending time with prior commitments with mates.
sb129 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Good point Jerbear. The guy you are meeting up with on Tuesday is still interested in meeting you even though you initially showed him very little interest. By the same token, shouldn't you be giving the guy the thread is about a second chance the way Tuesday night guy has given you a second chance?
threebyfate Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Dating isn't about being fair. Do what you want to do and what feels right to you.
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