Cracker Jack Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Um, not trying to be mean here, but is anything ever good enough for you? The guy was very clear with you and he's considered "lame" here? Why? Sometimes it just seems like guys can never do anything right when it comes to you.
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What she wants isn't asking too much. She wants a high interest guy who has the balls to know what he wants and is willing to go get it. These guys exist.
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What would you do? Maybe we could meet up one night in the week? 'Dinner on Tuesday. You're (meaning he) buying' The one thing I've always admired about our female Aussie friends is that they're straight-shooters. No ambiguity. No tall poppies are spared. Look, you essentially asked this guy out. Don't waffle now.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What she wants isn't asking too much. She wants a high interest guy who has the balls to know what he wants and is willing to go get it. These guys exist. A guy who's that interested/obsessed that he'd cancel on his friends to meet a girl he's never met, when there are PLENTY of other days he could meet up with her, is an emotionally unhealthy, desperate individual.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What she wants isn't asking too much. She wants a high interest guy who has the balls to know what he wants and is willing to go get it. These guys exist. "High interest" based on her OK Cupid profile and pictures? I think "high interest" comes a little later; after people actually meet and see if there's a connection. OG - I remember this one guy you met online who showed all the intense interest you seem to want ... the one who was texting you about his "lame" date with another woman while he was on it (and before the two of you had even met). I think this is the same guy who texted you multiple times and cried after you decided you didn't want to see him anymore. My point in dredging that up: Initial "high interest" means almost nothing.
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 "High interest" based on her OK Cupid profile and pictures? I think "high interest" comes a little later; after people actually meet and see if there's a connection.The two have been swapping messages for the past week. Don't know how often but online, you can get a feel of the person enough to get high interest going or not. But it's true I've not bothered with online dating sites since it was never my thing. I sincerely wonder how few and far between the decent men are, online. It sounds like a whole bunch of work without much return.
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 OK, I may be in the minority here but I'd probably write this guy off unless he REALLY steps up his game. I can't pinpoint what it is, but I have this strong sense that there's something off here. Either he's low interest, or flaky or weird. Something isn't right.
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 OK, I may be in the minority here but I'd probably write this guy off unless he REALLY steps up his game. I can't pinpoint what it is, but I have this strong sense that there's something off here. Either he's low interest, or flaky or weird. Something isn't right.This is why I suggested putting his balls back in his court. He'll either wear his balls and step up to the plate or he'll wander off. Either way, no loss.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 OK, I may be in the minority here but I'd probably write this guy off unless he REALLY steps up his game. I can't pinpoint what it is, but I have this strong sense that there's something off here. Either he's low interest, or flaky or weird. Something isn't right. Weird! Like, maybe, jusssst maybe, he has a LIFE outside of OKCupid?? *gasp!* I just got asked out yesterday for this weekend, but I already have plans. Didn't even tell him what those plans are, but suggested another day midweek next week. He jumped at it. Whaddyaknow.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 The two have been swapping messages for the past week. Don't know how often but online, you can get a feel of the person enough to get high interest going or not. But it's true I've not bothered with online dating sites since it was never my thing. I sincerely wonder how few and far between the decent men are, online. It sounds like a whole bunch of work without much return. My own personal experience went like this: At first, I was full of excitement and anticipation about meeting any guy who seemed attractive, interesting, and whose interest in me was flattering. Met them. Pfft. Started to get less enthusiastic, but continued to meet men. Pfft. Became really jaded. Connected with one who I definitely felt a spark with, but he worked on the road and I was very busy with my consuming hobby which uses up almost all weekends for a good part of the year. He invited me out to dinner on May 18 (that was about 2 months after our initial contact) and I had to decline because of my prior engagement that weekend. We finally managed to meet on June 5, 2009. Good thing we didn't dismiss one another due to perceived "low interest." Sometimes good things are worth waiting for. We have been together ever since. In general, I don't advocate taking forever to meet online connections since a "false intimacy" can easily be established through phone or Internet chat and sometimes that translates poorly in real life.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 In general, I don't advocate taking forever to meet online connections since a "false intimacy" can easily be established through phone or Internet chat and sometimes that translates poorly in real life. I feel the same way. There is no point in building up all this fake online chemistry only to meet in person and find out you don't click so well after all. It would be downright impossible for me overly 'high interest' over someone I haven't met in real life before.
TheMENemy Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Connected with one who I definitely felt a spark with, but he worked on the road and I was very busy with my consuming hobby which uses up almost all weekends for a good part of the year. Your hobby is eating? What could you possibly be eating that takes an entire weekend? And how tasty is it that you keep eating it over and over?
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 It's not that his message necessarily indicates low interest, or that his interest couldn't rise when they do meet. I'm more concerned that he's immature and not serious. I mean the next two weekends are really booked, just because he "may" grab a drink with his "mates??" He also explains why this weekend is booked, but not why the other one isn't free. And then his effort to work around that sounds half-hearted Like, maybe we could meet some time during the week, I guess. Also the whole thing about him relying on his mates like family sounds immature to me. Something is off about this guy. I'm sure of it.
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I dunno ladies. Low interest men have not been my thing. They're a lot of work and for some, there's return but I'm happy with my high interest husband! There are people who are happy at slower paces. Myself, it takes a serious blitzing to get through to me. So, net result, it depends on individual needs.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 He also explains why this weekend is booked, but not why the other one isn't free. Maybe it's personal? Either way, he doesn't HAVE to explain ANYTHING to her. He doesn't know her and what he's doing on the weekends is none of her business. They are still STRANGERS at this point, remember? And then his effort to work around that sounds half-hearted Like, maybe we could meet some time during the week, I guess. Also the whole thing about him relying on his mates like family sounds immature to me. Something is off about this guy. I'm sure of it. Yeah. He's got a spine. Not a good sign if you're looking for a PW type of guy.
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 It's not that his message necessarily indicates low interest, or that his interest couldn't rise when they do meet. I'm more concerned that he's immature and not serious. I mean the next two weekends are really booked, just because he "may" grab a drink with his "mates??" He also explains why this weekend is booked, but not why the other one isn't free. And then his effort to work around that sounds half-hearted Like, maybe we could meet some time during the week, I guess. Also the whole thing about him relying on his mates like family sounds immature to me. Something is off about this guy. I'm sure of it. By "serious" I mean "serious relationship minded." I get a strong man-child vibe from his message, even the bit about his "mates" leading each other astray.
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Yeah. He's got a spine. Not a good sign if you're looking for a PW type of guy. I don't think I follow you. Also what's a "PW" type?
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I don't think I follow you. Also what's a "PW" type? The P stands for a derogatory word for the female genitalia. The W stands for whipped. This is my thought: and take it for what you will. There comes a point when crippling insecurities lead people to preemptively reject others so they can't be rejected. The problem is that sort of behavior tends to become a habit and you may end up rejecting people you could have built a life with. *shrugs
GorillaTheater Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 First we pile on Ocean Girl. Now we're piling on the guy. Over an apparently innocuous email message between two people who have never met. What a great thread!
threebyfate Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 First we pile on Ocean Girl. Now we're piling on the guy. Over an apparently innocuous email message between two people who have never met. What a great thread!You and I have never met but I know we're not suited.
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 The P stands for a derogatory word for the female genitalia. The W stands for whipped. This is my thought: and take it for what you will. There comes a point when crippling insecurities lead people to preemptively reject others so they can't be rejected. The problem is that sort of behavior tends to become a habit and you may end up rejecting people you could have built a life with. *shrugs I disagree in this case. When you're dating, it's best to go with first impressions since there are always more people to meet, rather than wasting time turning over every rock. Especially when it's harder to break things off once you're emotionally invested. My intuition about guys has never failed. Every single time I've ignored early red flags, no matter how minor, they came back to haunt me. The advice people give on LS often comes from a tidy, idealistic understanding of the world that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. People don't act rationally or logically. Once you start to notice the patterns in human behavior, people become pretty easy to predict.
jerbear Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 What would you do? I would meet for one night in the week. Make a date during that first meeting for the weekend. In all honesty, you want a guy with high interests who would drop a mate on a dime. Once you get him, you get bored with him because your his only life.
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Perhaps, within the circle of potentials the man has to choose from, the OP is one of a number of equally lovely ladies whom are all strangers to him. Given this is still within the realm of electrons, there is no flesh-pressing to set her apart (or him apart, for that matter). She suggested a meet. He countered. She tabled his counter, offering no specifics. If the genders were reversed, what would happen? The way it works with me is I ask a lady out. If her schedule conflicts, she might say 'How about next week sometime?'. I then pick a specific day and offer that. If she declines but does not offer a specific day within the period *she* indicated would work for her, then my interest wanes and I cut contact. This man thought the OP worth contact. He has remained in contact for a couple weeks, if I read right. He has asked questions about her job, evidently, and remembers stuff about her. He gets an opportunity to take her on a date within the time period he indicated would be great for him. If he waffles, nuke him.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I disagree in this case. When you're dating, it's best to go with first impressions since there are always more people to meet, rather than wasting time turning over every rock. Especially when it's harder to break things off once you're emotionally invested. My intuition about guys has never failed. Every single time I've ignored early red flags, no matter how minor, they came back to haunt me. I guess I can't relate. I don't have a string of horrible relationships in my background. Most of the guys I've been with were pretty good people. I don't regret a single one. So I guess that fact that I don't have a tendency to date losers, in the first place, gives me the advantage that I don't have to be constantly on guard for 'potential red flags.'
northern_sky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 (edited) I guess I can't relate. I don't have a string of horrible relationships in my background. Most of the guys I've been with were pretty good people. I don't regret a single one. So I guess that fact that I don't have a tendency to date losers, in the first place, gives me the advantage that I don't have to be constantly on guard for 'potential red flags.' Lol, thanks for implying all of my exes were "losers." WTF? I have only two exes who would qualify as loserly. Most of them were good people who were just incompatible in ways I ignored from the start. Edited November 4, 2010 by northern_sky
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