BrianK Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 So she was Persian / Russian and 24, I am 30.. All in over the phone and texts, met, went great, little too much kissing and holding in hindsight. She lied to get out of following date (I bought it), met again, very good date – walk, dinner, movie, desert, kissing, holding me as we walk etc YET lied to get out of next date (getting suspicious..and these are bad lies, one about a stomach issue that sent her to the hospital and another about her brother getting into a car wreck "but hes fine now"), tells me she cannot commit to a relationship for reasons she doesn't know but wants to meet again “over night” Got hotel, had sex for 4 hours and gave her multiple screaming orgasms, lied again to skip following date, I called her on it, liar, commitment issues etc, no communication for 24 hrs. She texts that she would like to take me to dinner, her treat because Ive been so nice and she didn’t want me to think she was using me. I say no thanks as you’ll just lie again to axe the following date and I ask her why she does this. Says its because she’s afraid of getting attached but wants to be best friends so we can always have each other and never lose each other (then goes on to tell me shes closer to me than her actual female best friend). Says she’s not into me as in love / romantically. I ask what the hell just happened on the last 3 dates then (her all over me, all the time)? And who said anything about love after 3 dates? I say regardless I cannot do the ups and downs like a yo-yo and peace out. She writes me a big sappy text how its too bad we cant be together, have fun and travel the world and says bye??? I reciprocate that she's very, very confused but say my farewell and Removed her from my contacts and FB. Anyone dealt with anything like that before? Nobody I talk to can make any sense of it. I know her dad was abusive and her mom took her and her bro "on a trip" ten years ago and that was the last she saw of her dad so I assume she's scared of a future break-up and having similar feelings. Thats all I can make of it...if she didnt like me then why all the physical contact and sex? Why even a second date...
shelly76 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 As a woman, my guess is exactly what you said. She has issues w/men because of her father and is afraid of becoming attached to any man. I don't doubt that she likes you and is attracted, but the fear of losing you at some point if things really progress scares her. I think you made the right choice in saying goodbye, nobody needs that yo-yo effect. Good luck. You sound like a nice guy. P.S.-Since you are a man, maybe you can read my post and see what you think of my problem? I'd appreciate any input or insight you might have.
JungleLover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Sometimes people just want to have fun. It's just short term casual dating. At least you saw some action. I don't see the utility in calling someone out on their flakiness. What will it accomplish? She will not all of a sudden say "alright, you got me. I was totally BSing you. I will now love you." You just have to accept the situation and move on.
Author BrianK Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Sometimes people just want to have fun. It's just short term casual dating. At least you saw some action. I don't see the utility in calling someone out on their flakiness. What will it accomplish? She will not all of a sudden say "alright, you got me. I was totally BSing you. I will now love you." You just have to accept the situation and move on. When I get lied to 3 times its a natural instinct to call them on it. Especially when there was a potential relationship pending (although not really at that point). Just glad its over...
JungleLover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 When I get lied to 3 times its a natural instinct to call them on it. Especially when there was a potential relationship pending (although not really at that point). Just glad its over... I don't see where the potential relationship was showing some promise in the post. Calling her on the lies will only make her avoid you even more, it shows her that she got under your skin and she will only continue to do it.
Author BrianK Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I don't see where the potential relationship was showing some promise in the post. Calling her on the lies will only make her avoid you even more, it shows her that she got under your skin and she will only continue to do it. Thats because you weren't there. So in your opinion its OK to lie repeatedly? And you're on here giving people advice..lmao.
skydiveaddict Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Anyone dealt with anything like that before? Yes I have. Trust no one my friend, It's not worth it
sanskrit Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 How is it that she is lying to get out of follow-up dates? Are these dates you are asking her on while out on a date? If so consider not doing that and waiting a few days to ask out for the next date. If I misread your OP, sorry. My best guess is she is already involved in a relationship and cheating on that person with you.
fishtaco Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Who cares. You nailed her, good job. Now that you know she only wants to be friends, so be friends with her and move on to the next chick. Here's the rule. Everything before the "exclusive talk" is all just fun and games. They mean absolutely NOTHING. Never assume ANYTHING. Just because you had sex doesn't mean a relationship is guaranteed. Like it or not, that's how the world works. Good job, pat yourself on the back, and now go get a few more women. Multi-dating will solve this problem, because then you don't really care that she was just playing around. You have other women you're dating anyway. Just shuffle the priority list and find a replacement. But anyway, in the long term, this experience will serve you well.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 She's a classic flake - probably has several men on the go at any one time. I've had it done to me. She also gave me a sob story about how hard her life was and how she wasn't ready for a relationship. Then about two or three months later I bump into her in the same club where I'd originally met her and she was with some dude.
JungleLover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Thats because you weren't there. So in your opinion its OK to lie repeatedly? And you're on here giving people advice..lmao. Well it is good you can laugh now. It seem like you were about to cry in your original post over a girl who gave you about 3 dates. At least you are feeling better.
JungleLover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 She's a classic flake - probably has several men on the go at any one time. I've had it done to me. She also gave me a sob story about how hard her life was and how she wasn't ready for a relationship. Then about two or three months later I bump into her in the same club where I'd originally met her and she was with some dude. Right. It's very classic. This is what occurs in dating often. You just have to move on and not waste your time and getting sensitive about it. My guess is the OP is simply new at this.
D-Jam Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Anyone dealt with anything like that before? Nobody I talk to can make any sense of it. I know her dad was abusive and her mom took her and her bro "on a trip" ten years ago and that was the last she saw of her dad so I assume she's scared of a future break-up and having similar feelings. Thats all I can make of it...if she didnt like me then why all the physical contact and sex? Why even a second date... Had it happen many times. What she's doing -- She wants male attention. At one moment she wants to feel like she's got a BF, but the next minute, she runs from the idea of getting close to someone. You got some at least...chalk her up as baggage and move on. I'd also tell you that you should tell her that you like her as MORE than a friend, and if she's not willing to take a chance on what could be a great thing, then she can't enjoy you as "just a friend". Tell her you're not going to be her flavor of the moment, only to watch her get "all better" and then run after some other guy. If she wants you in her life, then she's got to come all the way and take a chance. If not...then move on. THAT is how you deal with flakes. Show them that their childish indecisive behavior won't be tolerated and they'll find themselves even more alone if they don't grow up. Men pursue women to DATE THEM...not to make pals with them. I'm not saying men and women can't be friends, but she should know better that you and other guys will pursue her to date her and/or tap her. She's delusional in thinking that guys will approach/pursue her to be "just a friend". About as delusional as women who join dating sites saying they just want to make friends. Sucks this happened, because I get the vibe you liked her a lot...but this is what happens when you see more women out there raised in broken families by people who have no idea how to be parents. Be happy at least you got something out of it all as opposed to three dates, no action, and then a LJBF. And yes...men do also act flaky and childish...so I'm not being all one-sided here. The advice still stands though. Women need to not spread those legs easily then and be ready to drop a guy in a heartbeat when he gets flaky.
daisydufas22 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 So she was Persian / Russian and 24, I am 30.. All in over the phone and texts, met, went great, little too much kissing and holding in hindsight. She lied to get out of following date (I bought it), met again, very good date – walk, dinner, movie, desert, kissing, holding me as we walk etc YET lied to get out of next date (getting suspicious..and these are bad lies, one about a stomach issue that sent her to the hospital and another about her brother getting into a car wreck "but hes fine now"), tells me she cannot commit to a relationship for reasons she doesn't know but wants to meet again “over night” Got hotel, had sex for 4 hours and gave her multiple screaming orgasms, lied again to skip following date, I called her on it, liar, commitment issues etc, no communication for 24 hrs. She texts that she would like to take me to dinner, her treat because Ive been so nice and she didn’t want me to think she was using me. I say no thanks as you’ll just lie again to axe the following date and I ask her why she does this. Says its because she’s afraid of getting attached but wants to be best friends so we can always have each other and never lose each other (then goes on to tell me shes closer to me than her actual female best friend). Says she’s not into me as in love / romantically. I ask what the hell just happened on the last 3 dates then (her all over me, all the time)? And who said anything about love after 3 dates? I say regardless I cannot do the ups and downs like a yo-yo and peace out. She writes me a big sappy text how its too bad we cant be together, have fun and travel the world and says bye??? I reciprocate that she's very, very confused but say my farewell and Removed her from my contacts and FB. Anyone dealt with anything like that before? Nobody I talk to can make any sense of it. I know her dad was abusive and her mom took her and her bro "on a trip" ten years ago and that was the last she saw of her dad so I assume she's scared of a future break-up and having similar feelings. Thats all I can make of it...if she didnt like me then why all the physical contact and sex? Why even a second date... My guess is that she likes you but is afraid of committment. IMO, I think you deserve to be treated better
Author BrianK Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 OK we didnt communicate for a couple days and now she insists on taking me out for dinner this week. She says a relationship is out of the question but she's still going to be affectionate, kiss, hold hands. Any ideas WTF is up with this chick? I havent given her a date to take me out because I dont think its a good idea.
TheMENemy Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 OK we didnt communicate for a couple days and now she insists on taking me out for dinner this week. She says a relationship is out of the question but she's still going to be affectionate, kiss, hold hands. Any ideas WTF is up with this chick? I havent given her a date to take me out because I dont think its a good idea. OK I will explain all to you. This woman has a very wealthy older gentleman as her primary relationship. She is his mistress. He provides for her in certain ways--perhaps paying for her apartment, living expenses, etc. He may or may not be married to someone else. She is obligated to be available to him. So, when she gets "the call" that he will be available for a few hours, she must drop everything and see him. That's why she keeps canceling her dates with you. She never knows when he's going to be needing her to be available. Meanwhile, she needs more excitement than this man offers her, so she "dates."
Author BrianK Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 OK I will explain all to you. This woman has a very wealthy older gentleman as her primary relationship. She is his mistress. He provides for her in certain ways--perhaps paying for her apartment, living expenses, etc. He may or may not be married to someone else. She is obligated to be available to him. So, when she gets "the call" that he will be available for a few hours, she must drop everything and see him. That's why she keeps canceling her dates with you. She never knows when he's going to be needing her to be available. Meanwhile, she needs more excitement than this man offers her, so she "dates." I wish thats all it was....she lives with her mom and brother.
sexyrussian Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) So she was Persian / Russian and 24, I am 30.. She is Russian It's hard to undestand Russian soul. Also the story looks like the one in '(500) Days of Summer' movie. She just don't want you. Forget it. Good luck! Edited December 10, 2010 by sexyrussian mistakes :)
xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Sounds to me like she prefers the idea of dating over actually dating. Been there, done it, made me looked like a b---- to the poor guys. She doesn't like you but she does like the attention you give her. Phone, text, etc. To her, any contact from you is an ego boost. If you do plan a date with her, expect her to flake.
9Lives Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Who cares. You nailed her, good job. Now that you know she only wants to be friends, so be friends with her and move on to the next chick. Here's the rule. Everything before the "exclusive talk" is all just fun and games. They mean absolutely NOTHING. Never assume ANYTHING. Just because you had sex doesn't mean a relationship is guaranteed. Like it or not, that's how the world works. Good job, pat yourself on the back, and now go get a few more women. Multi-dating will solve this problem, because then you don't really care that she was just playing around. You have other women you're dating anyway. Just shuffle the priority list and find a replacement. But anyway, in the long term, this experience will serve you well. fishtaco, so as long as you get that ass, you got the prize? Thats what it sounds like to me but yeah...other than that bullsht right there....I agree with the rest of the statements. yeah
musemaj11 Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 fishtaco, so as long as you get that ass, you got the prize? Thats what it sounds like to me but yeah...other than that bullsht right there....I agree with the rest of the statements. yeah Well, it is the most common male defense mechanism. When we get used for sex, we choose to think that we are the users so we dont feel hurt.
refurb Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Yes I've dealt with it before. Woman was very hot and cold, unsure about what she wanted, etc. It's actually pretty common. Chalk it up as a lesson. Next time you'll either call it off or you'll make sure your expectations are appropriate. RF
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