shelly76 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I have been talking to a new man for several months. When we started talking, he had recently broke up w/his gf of 3 years with whom he has a 18 mo old child. They lived together for a year and he had just moved out. She has 2 children from a prev relationship that he has been playing Daddy to since their father is not in their lives. We were talking and texting getting to know each other. He lives 200 miles away so we didn't meet for a while. Five days before we were going to meet ( I was going to be in his area for a work meeting) his ex, who won't let go, accessed his cell phone bill and found out about me. She called me, I said we were just friends since we hadn't met yet. She explained how she has hope for them to get back together. She was very upset and I am not the kind of person whoo kicks someone when they're down. I didn't tell her that he told me he had been trying to break up w her for a while, but he was staying for the kids. he told me he was only with her as long as he was for the kids, but after a while that wasn't even a good enough reason. He was very mad that she called me and told her to leave me alone. She will not let go of him and is having trouble accepting that they are over. She calls him every night and if he doesn't answer, 20 min later she shows up at his doorstep. Here is my dilemma- we were supposed to meet a few weekends ago. He wasn't able to make it because he didn't have a sitter ( he has his daughter every weekend) we chatted that day online. The conv. was normal and ended w him saying "ttyl xoxo" I haven't heard from him since. I text him the next day - no response. Called him that night - no answer or return call. Did he realize he needs time to sort things out before starting a new relationship, but felt he couldnt tell me? When she 1st got my # he said "I am so sorry. This is not fair to you. If you tell me to call you in a few months when this settles down I'll completely understand." My reaction was something like 'that's what she wants, for us to stop talking then she wins' Now I wonder if that was a hint & I didn't catch it. One more thing-our 1 date went VERY well. A 7 hour first date (nothing intimate just a couple kisses at the end) but she started calling him at her usual time. He didn't answer then she started calling my phone. He was mortified and apologized profusely. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated as I have never experienced anything like this. Thank you!
Str8noChaser Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Sounds like they are still together, despite the fact that he is trying to imply otherwise. You only have a few months in, move on. She is the mother of his child, she will NEVER EVER leave the picture.
BrianK Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Guy sounds confused..and quite cowardly for cutting off contact like that out of nowhere. Regardless, you may have scared his EX into going back to him (I am sure there were terms she accepted if that was the case). I am no pro...but thats my thoughts I am sure the guy will be in touch sooner or later to let you know what happened, if he doesn't then you dont want the guy.
Author shelly76 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I know they are not together. When she introduced herself she said "this is ____'s ex-girlfriend" and then proceeded to tell me she is trying to get back together with him. You are right though, she will always be in the picture. He is tied to her forever through his child. It is kind of a messy situation esp. with her other 2 kids who he has been Daddy to for the past 3 years. He wants to still be there for him and they are still his daughters siblings, but how does that work when he is no longer with the mother?
JungleLover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Are you really up for this? You wouldn't mind his ex breathing down your neck forever? He did give you a hint. He isn't ready to move on. He is even attached to her other kids. Like the above poster said, his baby's mother is not going any where at least for the next 16 years or so. He lives a long distance away from you too. She probably lives closer to him.
Author shelly76 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 In reply to Jungle- Yes. She does live closer, about 15 min away from him. I am starting to wonder if his baggage might prevent him from being able to date for a long time. He wants to fast fwd to the point where they get along and are civil/friendly for the sake of the kids. I dont think that usually happens until BOTH people no longer want to get back together.
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