siuys Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 hi all, this is my last poll on this forum, as seeing a married or separated man will never happen to me again. for those of you who don't know my story, i met mm 9 months ago, he moved out 6 months ago. he just emailed and said he is giving his marriage another go. sometimes you just can't ignore your own gut feel. anyway, i am relieved in a way as this is finally over. this horrible, dark cloud has finally moved away and i can get on with my life. i feel a bit numb at the moment and i know pain and grief will follow. but i know i will be fine.
desertIslandCactus Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Siuys, Post whenever you are lead to. Hopefully you have read enough LS testimonies to know that many times this is the norm.. with the confusion of the MM, and alternating between BS and OW. I wish you the best in maintaining NC. Remember it is about what you have a right to expect for yourself and your life. When two are on the same accord.. everything is easy.
maravilla Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I'm in a similar spot except that I forced myself out of being with my separated MM because he wasn't taking enough action towards divorce and I had that same gut feeling that you speak of. I don't know if it's any consolation but I wish my MM had had the guts to at least make a decision and tell me about it. I guess he just wasn't there yet. It's hard either way. All you can do it keep your head up and keep trudging on towards what you really want -- not to date a married/ separated man! I have those same mixed feelings of one minute feeling numb, the next strong, the next sad, etc. I think it will get better for both of us now that we aren't having to worry about what MM is doing or not doing. Good luck.
Author siuys Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Thanks for your support. I won't have problems maintaining NC. i'm so done. and desertisland is right, when two people are in sync, things go smooth. With mm, it has always been difficult. Too difficult it makes you wonder. It's like deliberately not going with the flow. I will probably post again to express some of my feelings. I wish I could cry.
fooled once Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 hi all, this is my last poll on this forum, as seeing a married or separated man will never happen to me again. for those of you who don't know my story, i met mm 9 months ago, he moved out 6 months ago. he just emailed and said he is giving his marriage another go. sometimes you just can't ignore your own gut feel. anyway, i am relieved in a way as this is finally over. this horrible, dark cloud has finally moved away and i can get on with my life. i feel a bit numb at the moment and i know pain and grief will follow. but i know i will be fine. You do sound like you will be fine. Which is good - as we all know, we survived before them, we will survive after them. I like your positive outlook. No need to leave the forum, as I know you will have good views/opinions for others who are going through their own situations.
Carrot2000 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 In the words of New Kids on the Block, you keep hangin' tough, Siuys! Cry if you want, scream if you want, and post here if you want. You'll make it through this.
Ellin Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Hi Siuys, maybe it would be good for you to stay away from LS for a while, as hanging around might only keep you focused on the old same. Maybe you'll want to come back one day to tell us that you've moved on and are happy which I hope from the bottom of my heart will happen for you. You really, really deserve it. And it can easily happen, once you're done with this "mess". Not immediately of course, but soon enough. Break these chains that have kept you stuck in an unhappy place for so long and go live your life (as time passes quickly), the possibilities are endless for you now. With every step you take, as you're moving away from it, you'll gain more strength and optimism. Best of luck.
Grace2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I'm so sorry That has to hurt like nothing else. I think your outlook of it being too difficult to work out is a good one, but it doesn't take the hurt away completely. You'll grieve this, even though you've been trying to move on (but still waiting, just in case) for a few months. It was obviously not meant to be, and you'll know exactly why this didn't work out when you find that perfect person a little later down the road. big hugs. I hope you have real life friends to lean on right now. Take care of yourself. Grace
Fieldsofgold Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You might want to stick around and keep posting. I'm sure there will be times u will need to vent. Also, when u help others with what u have learned, often it is healing for you. Take care of yourself.
wheelwright Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 hi all, this is my last poll on this forum, as seeing a married or separated man will never happen to me again. for those of you who don't know my story, i met mm 9 months ago, he moved out 6 months ago. he just emailed and said he is giving his marriage another go. sometimes you just can't ignore your own gut feel. anyway, i am relieved in a way as this is finally over. this horrible, dark cloud has finally moved away and i can get on with my life. i feel a bit numb at the moment and i know pain and grief will follow. but i know i will be fine. It's like climbing off a suicidal cliff edge. You have to face your pain, but you are no longer thinking about jumping. It's a truly horrible moment in your life when an AP chooses another course. But it is a moment - with all it's beauty and disintegration and aliveness. I have never felt hurt like it - but like you I felt relief also. It's so hard to offer advice- I don't feel too wise. But I would say that I have used my pain to help me heal things from my past. I wish you well, and I hope you get out of your painful/numb place soon.
Author siuys Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks everyone for the kind words. After a couple of hours, I managed to cry so that took away some pressure. I feel ok in general, of course there is pain, but I know I will be ok. My gut feel was right the entire time, I guess I didn't want to believe it. But I knew I was getting close to the limit emotionally, and would have ended it before the year was out. You just know when someone is not IN IT. He was in it, then he wasn't. This hot and cold was enough of an indication. I actually pity him. He is in an awful place, having to first get over our affair, and then try to work on the marriage, possibly with deceit. Good luck to him. I am free and single, and i know in time I will be fine. He has his work cut out for him. He emailed and i just replied with two words 'Got it'.
Confused4Now Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks everyone for the kind words. After a couple of hours, I managed to cry so that took away some pressure. I feel ok in general, of course there is pain, but I know I will be ok. My gut feel was right the entire time, I guess I didn't want to believe it. But I knew I was getting close to the limit emotionally, and would have ended it before the year was out. You just know when someone is not IN IT. He was in it, then he wasn't. This hot and cold was enough of an indication. I actually pity him. He is in an awful place, having to first get over our affair, and then try to work on the marriage, possibly with deceit. Good luck to him. I am free and single, and i know in time I will be fine. He has his work cut out for him. He emailed and i just replied with two words 'Got it'.Best wishes to you ....I was where you are at. I only came back cause I wanted to share my experiences and hope I could help someone who was in trouble. Hope you can back down the road.
Patrice Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You know that this is happening for a reason ... been there too. You've just gotten strong enough to recognize it for what it is. You have come to understand that you deserve and warrant a full time partner in your life. The perpetuation of the affair always ends up in the same place - you feel lousy, can't move forward on your own and accept a one sided conditional relationship. I began to find that I resented the control over my life ... especially after leaving a marriage that was very controlling. I had to take a step back and ask what are you putting yourself in this situation for? Let yourself heal, do good things for yourself .. get out .. exercise, keep expanding your support system, hold your head up high and walk on. xxoo
Author siuys Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I am feeling ok in general, though sleep was still a problem last night. I guess it's normal when you break up, you go over what happened in your head, ask yourself why you ignored those signs that were clearly there... why you put up with crumbs and why you lived in hope. Hopefully it won't take me too long to heal... Despite everything, I have learnt a lot from this A/R. i have learnt about myself, about love, about what i look for in a partner. i have also learnt a little about marriage when you have kids, commitment, etc. There is a lesson in everything so i didn't walk away with nothing. Thank you all for the support.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 hi all, this is my last poll on this forum, as seeing a married or separated man will never happen to me again. for those of you who don't know my story, i met mm 9 months ago, he moved out 6 months ago. he just emailed and said he is giving his marriage another go. sometimes you just can't ignore your own gut feel. anyway, i am relieved in a way as this is finally over. this horrible, dark cloud has finally moved away and i can get on with my life. i feel a bit numb at the moment and i know pain and grief will follow. but i know i will be fine. good for you!!! and just remember, there are millions of good SINGLE men out there. a married man cheating on his wife is not a good man, much less one at all.
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