I took him for granted; Is he treating me like this because i did?

[asianqt]

We broke up around June. My ex boyfriend and I went out for 17 months. We were happy in the beginning. We were best friends and the closest anyone could possibly be. However, at the end I was stressed out with school work and I paid attention to him less and less. I took him for granted, and I got mad at him a lot. I treated him badly, and I feel really bad for the way I acted. He always tried to make me happy and what not. We got into an argument at the end where I yelled at him and called him things I shouldn't have and he left. He went to someone else. I was depressed during the whole summer because I still love him. He told me he doesn't even think I care about him by the way I treated him. He went out with the girl for a few months, and broke up with her because he still loves me. He tells me he has feelings for the both of us. Now i feel like I;m being taken for granted because he has both me and her so it's like he doesn't even care. Should I stay or should I just leave? I really love him but I can't imagine being with a guy that loves someone else when he loves me too. I know I treated him badly, and I just don't know what to do. Should I keep trying or is that just going to keep pushing him away and make him take me for granted? He says he's deciding between us two, and I feel like he just wants the best of both worlds. What do I do? I feel like crap now and I don't know if I should just leave. When I tell him, I'm going to move on he tells me he still loves me, even though I know I treated him like crap but if he can't even know who he wants to be with, I don't know what to do or think. Is something wrong here or do i deserve this? When I tell him I'm gonna wait till he decides he always says to wait a few more months and what not. I just don't know what to do in this predicament. We both really love each other still, but I think he's afraid that I'll hurt him again. The other girl doesn't even know that he still has feelings for me or even still talks to me. She is clueless about him and he's not even honest with her. When I did NC with him for about a few days, he kept saying he wanted me back, but once I said okay he told me he needed more time to think. I started to talk to him more lately, and I think we are going to hang out.Do you have any experience?

Edited November 3, 2010 by asianqt

[brown03]

OK well I don't have any experience in this but I think I can help. I don't really know him but it sound's like A he is hurt from what happened and is afraid to just jump back in but at the same time really care's for you. Or b his friends are may be telling him how cool it is that he is juggling two girl's.

 

Either way it really seems like he care's about you and after a couple months there is no way he care's about her more I think he is just keeping her there as a back up. But you are letting him get away with it and he knows this and is taking advantage.

 

What I would do is go NC again for a bit if he did it once he will probably do it again but when he say's I want to get back together don't just jump up and say OK. When you did that he was like oh I still have her and went back into his safe place. lol

 

So next time her does this and say's I want you back say " I don't think it's a good idea, how do I know your just not going to change your mind again". Or be like you know what I really love you but if your just going to keep screwing me around like this I'm going to move on. I tell him straight up listen I know I did some mean thing's but that doesn't give you the right to do this to me.

 

You have to stand up to him because my EX did kinda the same thing she would say I'm really lonely and I really want to come spend the night. But then i would be like thats fine come over and she would back away and be like I just don't want to wake my grandma or I don't want to give you the wrong idea. And I didn't learn and the third time she did it and it was the last and I have barely spoken to her since and it look's like thing's are over.

 

I know it's hard but if you don't do something you also could lose him and believe me it sucks. I wish there was something I could do to win her back. I would do almost anything just to show her I've changed and would treat her differently.

[TLCbear]

He went out with the girl for a few months, and broke up with her because he still loves me. He tells me he has feelings for the both of us.

 

I'm a little confused. You say he broke up with the girl, then at the end you say the girl doesn't know he still talks to you and so on. Is he still seeing this girl?

 

Ok, back to you, it could be a possibility that he's treating you this way because of what you did, but I would have to ask, why are you putting up with it? If he can't make up his mind and keeps putting it off, then you need to realize this and move on. Don't allow him to do this to you. It's nice to know that you realized you took him for granted and you were to big enough to admit that. Now be the bigger person and move on. If it were me and I knew he had someone else, I would respect it, and not come in between it.

Edited November 3, 2010 by TLCbear

[asianqt]

@brown03: Thanks for your insight. I think I'll wait awhile until enough is enough. I'm not sure if I should though. Him leaving was a mistake on my part, so I guess it's my fault.

@TLCbear: sorry for the confusion. He went out with her for a few months. They broke up but now he still talks to her and hangs out with her.

[brown03]

I agree with you because my ex leaving was my fault as well. I wasn't happy with my life outside of her and because of that I started arguments for nothing and would keep going with them. But just because you made a mistake then doesn't give them the right to treat you badly now. But I understand where your coming from I just don't want him to just leave and start NC like my ex did is all. But if it doesn't seem like he's going to do that and you don't mind give him some time to show your not like that anymore. Just don't wait to long because even thou it might have been your fault people make mistakes and don't deserve to feel like **** and get put down for ever about it.

[asianqt]

I agree with you because my ex leaving was my fault as well. I wasn't happy with my life outside of her and because of that I started arguments for nothing and would keep going with them. But just because you made a mistake then doesn't give them the right to treat you badly now. But I understand where your coming from I just don't want him to just leave and start NC like my ex did is all. But if it doesn't seem like he's going to do that and you don't mind give him some time to show your not like that anymore. Just don't wait to long because even thou it might have been your fault people make mistakes and don't deserve to feel like **** and get put down for ever about it.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. It's been like this for the past five months, where i feel like he's just stringing me along. I don't think I deserve this kind of treatment. While he's hanging out with her and kissing her, he's telling me he loves me too? I'll give it until December, and then I'll let go of it possibly. I'm just starting to think twice about things since he's treating me like this.