encouraging him to give more

[sweetblubrry]

Ive been in a relationship for almost 5 months now. My boyfriend is very sweet and I love him. We've never had any fights, just minor disagreements which he ALWAYS when I bring something up wants to fix it and make things right asap. As the relationship has progressed he has become more passive. At first we hung out all the time, and now we do see each other at work and such but we really don't have that much time to hang out one-on-one just cause we've been busy lately. I stayed over at his place twice last week however we both went straight to sleep after such long days at work, and a halloween party that we went to at a friend's house. I was a bit annoyed yesterday because I thought we were spending the day together and he ran late on his errands.... and didn't end up coming over till 7pm.... he also did not even tell me he was running late until I called him at 430 to figure out what was going on. He had to work the next day so he left around 10pm... But he did take me out to dinner and paid for me. And was also being very affectionate and holding my hand and such... he also did not want to leave that night.

 

He is also not communicating with me as much as he used to OUTSIDE of seeing each other. In person, the communication is AMAZING! We can talk about anything and have no trouble talking about our feelings. Its just in between those times that I see him. I feel like I just want more... ya know? But I am also probably on the more insecure side because of past relationships.. so i tend to want more reassurance probably than most. He is also not a texter.... he never texts me cute things or calls me out of the blue. He also doesn't do things like leave me flowers or something. I know there is no point in trying to change a guy... but I don't know what to do. Please don't tell me to leave him cause I love him and he really is a great guy. He's just not a huge romantic like some. THis is the most stable relationship I've ever been in as far as the guy not pulling stupid crap by now. I just wish he'd give me a little more time in his life. I don't know if this is just cause we are past the "lovey-butterfly" stage or what. Any suggestions?

 

As far as not being a huge romantic, something I think that is a good thing. At least for me.... Cause it keeps me grounded... I fall too fast for people sometimes and because he isn't like that it has kept me from falling too fast. I love him but it has blossomed from a more gradual thing.

Edited November 3, 2010 by sweetblubrry

[make me believe]

I certainly hope you're not out of the "lovey-butterfly" stage after only 5 months!

 

You're right, you can't change a person, so if he's not the overtly-romantic type, you'll just have to get used to it. I think it's ok to ask him to be in more constant communication with you (texting & phonecalls), but you can't really dictate what he says to you. Did he ever used to text you cute things, leave you flowers for no reason, and that sort of thing? If not, I'm not sure why you're expecting it now. If he did, you could playfully bring it up & tell him you miss those gestures because they made you feel so loved & secure.

 

If what you're really needing is more time with him, just tell him that straight up. Tell him you'd like both of you to make an effort to have more free time with the other. Even just doing errands together can be fun.

[waynebrady]

Ive been in a relationship for almost 5 months now. My boyfriend is very sweet and I love him. We've never had any fights, just minor disagreements which he ALWAYS when I bring something up wants to fix it and make things right asap. As the relationship has progressed he has become more passive. At first we hung out all the time, and now we do see each other at work and such but we really don't have that much time to hang out one-on-one just cause we've been busy lately. I stayed over at his place twice last week however we both went straight to sleep after such long days at work, and a halloween party that we went to at a friend's house. I was a bit annoyed yesterday because I thought we were spending the day together and he ran late on his errands.... and didn't end up coming over till 7pm.... he also did not even tell me he was running late until I called him at 430 to figure out what was going on. He had to work the next day so he left around 10pm... But he did take me out to dinner and paid for me. And was also being very affectionate and holding my hand and such... he also did not want to leave that night.

 

He is also not communicating with me as much as he used to OUTSIDE of seeing each other. In person, the communication is AMAZING! We can talk about anything and have no trouble talking about our feelings. Its just in between those times that I see him. I feel like I just want more... ya know? But I am also probably on the more insecure side because of past relationships.. so i tend to want more reassurance probably than most. He is also not a texter.... he never texts me cute things or calls me out of the blue. He also doesn't do things like leave me flowers or something. I know there is no point in trying to change a guy... but I don't know what to do. Please don't tell me to leave him cause I love him and he really is a great guy. He's just not a huge romantic like some. THis is the most stable relationship I've ever been in as far as the guy not pulling stupid crap by now. I just wish he'd give me a little more time in his life. I don't know if this is just cause we are past the "lovey-butterfly" stage or what. Any suggestions?

 

As far as not being a huge romantic, something I think that is a good thing. At least for me.... Cause it keeps me grounded... I fall too fast for people sometimes and because he isn't like that it has kept me from falling too fast. I love him but it has blossomed from a more gradual thing.

 

Ok about the texting and calling, do you ever text him cute things? Do you ever call him out of the blue? I'm guessing you do neither because you are a woman and therefore never initiates that kind of things. As usual with women it's only the man who has to do that kind of things and put in all the effort.

[that girl]

Ok about the texting and calling, do you ever text him cute things? Do you ever call him out of the blue? I'm guessing you do neither because you are a woman and therefore never initiates that kind of things. As usual with women it's only the man who has to do that kind of things and put in all the effort.

Could you not take your issues out on this girl Wayne?

 

Sweetblubrry-

 

Do you ever call or text him during the day? How does he respond?

 

we do see each other at work

If you work together, why do you want him to call you during the day?

 

There is a big difference between someone who doesn't reciprocate your interest and one who doesn't think to do what you want them to do.

 

Do you ever get him little gifts?

 

What if you set up a challenge for both of you to do one nice thing a day for the other person? Maybe you could make it the week of your first anniversary. Do you think he would go for something like that? It could be anything- a sweet note, getting the other person Starbucks on a day you're both working, etc.

[sweetblubrry]

"There is a big difference between someone who doesn't reciprocate your interest and one who doesn't think to do what you want them to do."

 

He definitely reciprocates the interest... i can just tell from the way he looks at me and the little gestures such as when we are at work. Also in person he is so affectionate, always holding my hand, giving me kisses, etc.

 

I don't expect him to call if we are working and see each other that day. Things are changing though and I won't be seeing him at work everyday. I guess I have been more stressed than usual lately and so I really want to hear from him and be comforted. Didn't hear from him yesterday. I might possibly get a new job within the company with a lot of responsibility and it is just stressing me out waiting for that phone call (its been a weeK!)

 

I guess wayne does make a point... I don't exactly do things either I do call him out of the blue sometimes though, something that he doesn't do. The only time he'll call is if we are having plans to hang out or if something changes, or he is on his way then he'll call. But never just to talk.

 

I suppose I shoudl talk to him about this but I am also waiting to see if this insecurity is just a result of all the stress I've been under lately. Heck if I asked him, he probably would think everything is just fine and dandy! Seems to be all me... sigh. I just don't know what to do.

[TheMENemy]

You're too needy.