Completely Heartbroken - I don't know what happened

[bry121910]

Ok, so I'm new to this, but I feel I have nowhere else to turn to get some kind of advice or just to tell my tell of sorrow. This diatrode may seem to go on and I may seem to repeat myself, but my love for this woman goes deeper than anything I have ever experienced.

 

I began dating a woman with whom I worked with who had a daughter, our relationship was amazing. We never argued, we got along perfectly and we always talked about the future as if it had already happened, it seemed like we had know each other forever. I fell in love with her daughter and thought of her as my own, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her little girl. Well, she ended up being let go from the job for some unethical office politics, and I was there for her the whole way. I stood by her side and helped her out at every corner. She always made it a point to tell me how important I was to her and how much she loved me and couldn't wait for our future together. Still everything moving along perfectly, no problems, just the occasional alone time to ourselves. She eventually found a new job roughly 2.5 months ago and it seemed as if everything was finally coming together, that we could continue moving forward with our lives together. Well, Labor Day weekend we spent the entire weekend together. We had dinner with friends on Friday, then out for drinks. Saturday we met some of her friends and watched some football and then went to dinner. Sunday we drove out to college station, I met and ate lunch her old boss and with some of her daughters fathers family, then we picked up her daughter and drove home. We got dinner, then I went home and we had our alone time that Monday. That Tuesday was our anniversary, so I sent her flowers, she called me and said she loved them, and that she was going to put them next to her favorite picture her daughter drew of the three of us together... I gave her a hint in the note with the flowers to guess the engagement date, it was a game we played, and she played back with me, trying to guess. (The date was supposed to be 12/19/10) I thought things were wonderful. We saw each other only one time the rest of the week and she seemed distant and in a bad mood, but I didn't think anything of it, she had a long day and had interviewed for a different job that she really wanted. I hung out with her for a while and then went home, I was to have surgery on Friday. That Thursday we got into an argument because I asked when she was going to come by after my surgery and she said she wouldn't see me until saturday... I was upset and didn't understand, we argued a bit, but we decided we were not going to fight about it, she'd be there....

 

Well, Friday rolls around, i go to have my surgery and she never comes by or calls me directly. I was out of it on pain killers so i didn't worry much, then saturday she called to ask how i was doing and all that chit chat, i asked when she'd be over, she said latter but something seemed wrong with our conversation... After we hung up i called right back and asked what was wrong and she told me she wanted to break up with me because she needs time and space... She never explained anything more to me... A week and a half went by without much communication, then one friday we began talking and she said we'd go on a date soon, she didn't want to be hasty, I asked her about the date comment the following wednesday and she got angry with me and basically halted all communication with me since then. Recently I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks giving the space she needs and we have an innocent chat on FB, it goes well, but I notice that she has deleted pretty much any remblance of me from her existence... The next day I ask her why and she goes off. She tells me I need to let go. That I need someone who can love me. That in her space she realized that she didn't want to be with me and that she would never be with me again... All thru e-mail... I made the mistake afterwards of asking her mom for guidance/advice, of course bad idea, it got back to her and she's even more angry with me. She says we can not be friends and has completely elimnated me as a friend and even blocked me on her FB account... I don't know what happened... I don't understand...

 

Our relationship was the best thing I've ever been a part of, we talked of the future together, not just one of us talking about it, it was something we both created. She told everyone we know, including our parents that we would be married and all of the good things that come with it, she made everything known to everyone. We looked at houses together and engagement rings. Everything was perfect in our world I thought until one day out of the blue she dumped me and now seemingly hates my very existence. I did nothing but treat her and her daughter like they deserved to be treated. They were my world and it seems as if my world has been destroyed.

 

I haven't seen either of them in 2 months in my attempt to give the space she needed, each second of those 2 months has killed me a bit inside... And to find out yesterday, that she will never be with me again has completely broken my heart. I thought we'd be back together, i never doubted it for a second, and now all I can do is rehash over and over... How does someone go from thinking you are the best thing in the world, professing their love for you to just breaking away from you. I completely sold my heart and mind out for this woman and her daughter, and now I am in complete dissary. I am not myself anymore, it takes an act of god literally to get me out of my bed... Can someone help me understand? I will answer any questions that need to be asked, but I need help understanding... I am crushed by this and I feel like I will not be able to overcome this. I Love this woman with all of my heart and I would give my last breath to ensure her and her daughter were taken care of for eternity... What happened? How does this happen? Someone help please??? I am at the end of my wits and want her in my life forever, I want the future we created. It feels like I'm not missing a past relationship, but I'm missing the future we created... Help...

 

Sincerely,

 

Heart-Broken

[brentmused]

I cant tell you what the answer is and i can't tell you how you will get over this, but i can tell you that talking on here does help. i posted yesterday for the first time and knowing that the people i was talking to knew exactly what i was going through did help a hell of a lot. my relationship ended after 11 years and i still love her with all my heart. its hard my friend i know it is and i would,like you, do anything to get back with her, but if she doesnt want it she doesnt want it, i like you have to accept this. I've done the begging, crying etc but i have decided to just give her time in the hope that it will make a difference. Like someone said to me today, you need to give her space and no contact because else she wont know if she misses you or not. I know it is hard hard hard, i really do, ive been apart from my ex for 3 months now and it isnt any easier for me, but this site has helped me in just one day. dont give up, i havent

[Cratsky]

As Brentmused said, letting it out and asking for support will help you through this tough time.

 

I know that right now, the pain is unbearable. The anguish might even be giving you physical pain in your chest. Being alone or being reminded of the other person is just awful. Just know that it does pass over time. Don't get me wrong, you're going to feel miserable for a while until you fully absorb the fact that no amount of 'wanting it' is going to bring her back. If you truly love her, you've also got to be willing to let her go to find her happiness too, right?

 

Just know that people break up all the time, everyday and you are not alone. People have gone through much worse and come out the other end more resilient. This has happened for a reason, and I know that right now you can't see it but there's some positive out of all this. You've learnt something about what it means to love and it's given you the chance to evaluate what other characteristics you'd like in your ideal partner.

 

It's relevant for you to get your feelings out, cry as much as you need to, keep a journal and say farewell to all your hopes and dreams as a couple. Maybe think about reading before bed each night to stop pondering over the past. Take up a new hobby or take a 30 minute walk each day to get out of the house etc. I find it really helpful to work on your creative side, start gardening or build something. Cleaning up the house is also helpful. It will subconsciously assist you to 'clean up' any feelings you have about your relationship too.

 

Take it slow and focus on one small step each day.

[bl22]

Sounds to me like there is something she's not told you. I'm guessing she's met somebody else because the exact same thing happened to me last month.

 

I'm so heartbroken stil myself and when women make this u-turn from nowhere, it usualy comes when they meet someone else they like then they act cold and hurtful to the one they're already with.

 

I've read countless stories on here with the same incidents of ' i need space' etc. Usualy means, space to see how things go with someone else.

[skydiveaddict]

I've read countless stories on here with the same incidents of ' i need space' etc. Usualy means, space to see how things go with someone else.

 

 

 

I agree. Once you get the "I need space" speech, it's over.

[Woggle]

She does not know how to have a happy and healthy relationship. It is sadly all too common with women these days and they wonder why some of us just decide to become uncaring players.

[Hhhh]

it doesn't always mean they met someone else, sometimes they really want to focus on themselves and be single and when a few months go by it hits them over the head like a rock what they let go

 

When people become co-dependant i found that a women get overwhelmed they are plenty of stories you lot could read

[bry121910]

Well... I finally figured it out, yet still don't understand. I had a friend give her a letter explaining the way I feel.... It got her to call me and she told me that she was never in love with me (very confusing from any conversation we had) and that I was to close to her daughter, that should be her fathers job (by no means was I trying to replace him, I was trying to be her little girls friend)... so I don't get it still, but I can close the door. I'll never speak to her again, that is what she has decided. In my mind I think she used me to get her own self-esteem to a better place and once their she was done with me. I'll never get any of it because I can't see how people can say things like she did and not mean them, and then say the heartless things afterwards. Her saying she was never in love with me really knocked me down a notch... I feel I lived a lie and I was the only one not in on it. Thanks everyone who took the time to read and offer opinions it was really appreciated...

 

Bryan

[tobydog]

I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I am in the same pain too. As for answers, I search myself and past rel constantly and come up with none. I have not got a clue how people can be like that, one minute in love the next nothing. But I am here 8 weeks in with no real answers but I have gone back to work and have not cried in 2 days. It's time and it does heal. No doubt I'll be wailing at some point but you have got this survival instinct. Mine has kicked in because I have not eaten for 8 weeks, now I am having something each day. Not much tho but my body needs it.

Take care and use this place, they've all been brilliant with me..and patient! x

[I'M NOT LISA]

She does not know how to have a happy and healthy relationship. It is sadly all too common with women these days and they wonder why some of us just decide to become uncaring players.

I am a woman and I have to agree that this does appear to be the going thing. I am so sorry you are going through what you are. I pray you find some peace very soon!!

[bry121910]

Yeah I hate the news, still feel so much for her and her daughter. Wish things could be different, but I know they can't now, she stone cold told me and I need to move on, but I'll always wonder, want to understand. This came to me right after I talked to her and she crushed me with those words.

 

Sometimes things happen in our lives for a reason, sometimes what we think is a special love or event can change our prerogative on life. When we wakeup to a reality check and eventually realize there are no reasons & what we thought was real, pure & true was nothing but a mirage on the desert horizon, never what we thought it was or could be. Times like these we must evolve & hope these experiences do not affect our future loves or our future in general negatively. Life sometimes just has no rhyme or reason or is it that the people we love, the people we let into our lives...? Lifes trials & tribulations, the ongoing journey to somewhere, something that no one can ever truly know. Do we ever really truly finish the journey...? So much I want to know, to understand that I know that I never will. Why???

 

I know I'll never understand, but the advice from each of you has helped. The theory that she just doesn't know how to have a happy and healthy relationship must be right on track. I wish the best for her, but I know one day she'll realize that she threw away something she'll never find again.

[Gironbachs]

Listen, your experience (from what I have learned) is pretty textbook when it comes to dealing with a female dumper. It all happened to me, as well as dozens of others on here right now. One thing you must keep in mind, it's really all about her, everything she's doing or saying - it's for her own selfish benefit.

 

* being distant or annoyed shortly before she rips your heart out - She's mentally preparing herself and putting emotional distance between you. She's pretty much got her mind made up at this point, she's breaking up with you

 

* She makes the break, saying she "needs space" or "doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship right now" - This is a tactic used to alleviate her own guilt she feels by crushing you out of the blue - when you've basically done nothing wrong. This is also when they tell you they either still love you and always will and there may be a chance you two will get back together, filling you full of false hope.

 

* You give her the 'space' she asked for, then contact her at a later (perhaps predetermined) time/date, only to find out she's grown hostile, either ignoring you completely, or saying impossibly cruel things - things you can't believe someone you professed such love for you such a short time ago would ever say to you. This is another defense mechanism/tactic - a harsh progression from the "I need space" tactic. She will say things to make it seem like she's angry at you now, like you've done something wrong, and she'll make you feel like some kind of freakin stalker just for calling her up wanting to know what the deal is. All that talk about how "I'll always love you" or "maybe we can work it out" has vanished. It's important to remember females have a far stronger support system than males, even when the femal is the dumper their (usually single) friends will rally around them, and been badmouthing you, boosting the whole "You go girl! You don't need no man!" mentality of your ex.

 

A few more things:

 

Don't expect extra points/consideration because she has a kid who you love and vice versa. It means nothing. Despite what TV and Movies teach us, lots of guys are fine with women having kids and have no qualms about dating them and having sex with them. Any future discussions about your relationship should probably exclude her child - she's not yours.

 

Leave her family out of it! She's their kid. No matter how much her family liked you, never contact them after a break up. As you can see - it will only do you harm. Pretend they're dead.

 

She'll do it again. Pity her next victim. - Women who have low self-esteem monkey-branch from relationship-to-relationship. They usually tell you they never really loved you, they just wanted the safety net of a man and a relationship to fall back on and when all that wears off - they dump you. Now it may seem like you feel as though she thinks she's made a mistake and she's gonna move on to someone she really loves and forget about you. She'll move on alright, but she won't be able to break that pattern, and unless the next dude is loaded, she'll pull the same **** with him. Trust me.

[bry121910]

Thanks Gironbachs for that break down... It's an eye opener... Helps a lot. Still don't understand it all, but the break down puts some kind of perspective behind it. She's who she is and that isn't going to change.