tfkizzle Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 In the last week I visited an office building twice for work-related reasons. Both times I was in the office the same gentleman was sent down to escort me to my appointment. We made small talk (for about 2 minutes), and the second time as I was leaving he said he was interested in what I do for a living, what kind of qualifications does one need (at least a BA and knowing someone in the industry helps), and he asked for my card, which I gave to him and pointed out the company's website if he wanted more information. Today I received an email from him reiterating that he was very interested in what I do for a living, and would I like to meet for coffee as my schedule allows? Is this a sneaky way of asking me on a coffee date, and if so, how do I politely decline? I absolutely don't want to give any mixed signals. Even if it's exactly what he stated, I'm not particularly interested in meeting for coffee to network/talk about my work, but would probably feel like a douche and end up meeting him anyways. Also, if I did decide to meet him to give him more info about my company, is it weird/making it into a big deal by bringing this up to my bf? I know bf goes out to lunch, and sometimes drinks/dinner with acquaintances at work who are women and he pretty much never tells me about it.
machiavellian Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 You should be like, my schedule is booked for the next few weeks/months but if you're really interested in the job, you can contact Mr. xyz (some guy you know that works with you). And then that way if he's really interested in the job, you've successfully passed him off to someone else and you're not coming out assuming that he's really asking you out. I think that pretty well lets you off the hook. As far as the thing about telling your bf, if you decide to meet with this guy, it just depends on your dynamic. It sounds like maybe he wouldn't really care since he does something similar on a regular basis, and therefore that bringing it up might make it into a big deal (like, look at me and this guy that's interested, you should be jealous)
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I actually wouldnt hesitate to bring it up to my bf... since networking like this is something he does all the time, then hed probably be the best person to ask about this situation. Thats what I did, and there were times when my ex would say to definitely follow up, and other times when he didnt have a good feeling about it. Now when this happens to me, I ask them about what they do and find out how exactly what I do can benefit them. That will clue you in as to if hes actually all business and has a legitimate reason to want to meet up with you.
Author tfkizzle Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 In the past he has had ongoing communication with a girl (for example) via text, multiple phone calls, email and FB that he had never met, but was a friend of a friend who was "interested" in what he does for a living, and in the end she ended up visiting him at work and spending several hours with him there...he never once asked me about this; I found out about it all after the fact. Because of the things he told me, I 100% think her "interest" in his job was feigned. There is no doubt in my mind that he is just too nice, and was being nice to this girl and nothing else, but I also 100% do not trust his judgement as to what is appropriate networking. There is little doubt in my mind that when it comes to women, any female who expresses interest in his work he is flattered and thinks she is genuinely interested, while any man who expresses interest in my work, he probably knows what's up and thinks it's more about trying to get with me.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Wow..it sounds like this with your bf is a whole other issue from just being unsure of how to handle this guy who wants to network with you... Well, I told you how I handle the guys, it works pretty well...if its business they are very happy to talk business and have all the reasons in mind why they want to work with me. If they are just slying trying to get a date, they will be vague and not really have a clue what to say when I try to ask them more about whatever project they are working on or need me for. Simple. As for the bf thing...not so simple. Sounds like there are trust issues to work on with him...
Author tfkizzle Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I'm still hoping other people will respond. I like your advice, and will take it into consideration, I just am extremely hesitant to actually meet with this guy, because I got the vibe from him that he is more interested in me (though I could be way off on that....I don't get hit on very much, so maybe my radar isn't working right)... I don't have trust issues (control issues is a different story); I know this won't endear me to anyone on this site, but the girl I mentioned in my last post was about 100 lbs overweight, and I very much doubt that my bf was being anything but nice to her, believing that her interest was genuine. I admit that in my experience (every man I have dated, and many I have heard about) are complete idiots when it comes to women - they are completely fooled by women On the other hand, I think that women (generally) are "fooled" by men.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I didnt say meet with him You do have to have some sort of contact to even set a time/place to meet right? Its in this contact that I would talk to him and ask very specific questions to see if he actually is business minded. But then, also with how strongly you feel about it, thats probably your gut feeling trying to speak up, if I felt that way about someone, I wouldnt give meeting up with him a second thought and just not do it. Not worth stressing over. If you happen to run into him at that bldg or anywhere again, just say youre schedule has been crazy and you dont think its even possible for you to handle more work at the moment and leave it at that.
Author tfkizzle Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 I decided to do what the first poster suggested, which is similar to other responses. On a side note, I did end up mentioning it in passing to my bf, and he thought the guy was only emailing me because he's interested. Just to play devil's advocate I said, "you think so? I thought it seemed like the same type of situation you were in with that girl you were emailing calling and showing around your work" and to my amusement he spent 10 minutes explaining the one miniscule detail that evidently made our situations completely different fom each other.
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