Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I just got out of a lunch meeting where towards the end this lady... who I've worked with as a customer for over 2 years tried to convince me to date 2 of her coworkers. I have a GF... I showed her the pictures. What is going on! This is not the first time I've run into this issue. It's uncomfortable and it feels really disrespectful to my GF. I've never had this problem before. Never. I understand that part of the issue is that I didn't tell anyone about my breakup earlier this year, and I'm only now willing to really talk about it. I can't tell if this is because I'm really in demand or because they see my GF is from another country. Personally I think it's the latter... since this has never been an issue before. 3 times in 1 month... including my mom! I'm just so confused. Why?
sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Dunno but enjoy it while it lasts. Doesn't sound like something to complain about. Be flattered and as long as you love your girl stay true.
EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Have they ever met this girl before? Maybe they don't take the relationship seriously?
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Dunno but enjoy it while it lasts. Doesn't sound like something to complain about. Be flattered and as long as you love your girl stay true. I don't enjoy it. It pisses me off really bad. It's not flattering because when I'm single I have no trouble getting dates. None at all. It makes me feel like they are saying my GF isn't good enough, or it's not a serious thing. Both are extremely untrue.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Have they ever met this girl before? Maybe they don't take the relationship seriously? That's what I think is going on. I think they hear I'm dating a woman born in another country and don't think its serious... or maybe they think she is just dating me for money or citizenship... or whatever ridiculous stereotype floats around in their head. Seriously... other guys just High 5 me. Women... act like she doesn't exist. Any chance that some American women are kind of offended to see men with women from other countries? A few of the African American women I know HATE to see AA Men with women of other nationalities. Maybe this is the same type of deal.
EricaH329 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 That's what I think is going on. I think they hear I'm dating a woman born in another country and don't think its serious... or maybe they think she is just dating me for money or citizenship... or whatever ridiculous stereotype floats around in their head. Seriously... other guys just High 5 me. Women... act like she doesn't exist. Any chance that some American women are kind of offended to see men with women from other countries? A few of the African American women I know HATE to see AA Men with women of other nationalities. Maybe this is the same type of deal. I have noticed it before, but more often than not it doesn't happen. Not obviously, anyway. Plus... these are the people that should care about you, not who you are with. If you are happy, then they shouldn't try changing that by pushing you to be with someone else. How do you handle it when they do this? Do you say anything? I'd make it loud and clear that you are in a relationship with a woman that you adore and couldn't see yourself with anyone else at the moment. If something were to change at any point, you'd let them know. But until then, the dating pool is closed to you.
flying Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I don't know, I wouldn't think twice about it, personally (re: do women dislike people dating others from another country). I can't imagine why anyone would object. Is your family particularly conservative in that way? Do they have an image of the "ideal" partner for you? You know them best, but from an outside perspective it could just be that those people are busybodies who enjoy matchmaking just because. Never could see the pleasure in it, myself. It's too fraught. I'm happy when people figure it out for themselves.
sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 You know it is possible that your mom and these other women see something about your GF they think might be bad for you. Have you asked them? I know my mom sort of did the same sort of stuff when I was dating my future ex-wife. Thing is? My mom was right.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I live in a very diverse city so whether dating someone from another country or another race as a problem in general goes over my head, but if they dont actually *see* you two together, then thats probably not the case. More likely than not, its not as harsh as what youre deciphering... If its an LD relationship and no one has met her, then others probably see her more as a "mystery" gf than a real one. Just stand your ground with a simple thanks but no thanks Im taken, and leave it at that.
TheMENemy Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 When it rains, it pours. Share some of those leftovers buddy.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 (edited) I just got out of a lunch meeting where towards the end this lady... who I've worked with as a customer for over 2 years tried to convince me to date 2 of her coworkers. I have a GF... I showed her the pictures. What is going on! This is not the first time I've run into this issue. It's uncomfortable and it feels really disrespectful to my GF. I've never had this problem before. Never. I understand that part of the issue is that I didn't tell anyone about my breakup earlier this year, and I'm only now willing to really talk about it. I can't tell if this is because I'm really in demand or because they see my GF is from another country. Personally I think it's the latter... since this has never been an issue before. 3 times in 1 month... including my mom! I'm just so confused. Why? So, which is it? Or did I misread something? Is it possible they think you're making more out of this LDR than what it is? Edited November 3, 2010 by Hi.P.O'Crit
sanskrit Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Don't take it so badly. It almost always means the woman setting you up has some attraction to you, and is sublimating it because of various reasons (you have a business relationship, your GF, their relationship situation etc.) Another thing I've found is that these types will never set you up with someone whom you are likely to find attractive, and that's another source of annoyance until you realize what is really going on, then it's mildly flattering.
Woggle Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Having a woman in your life already makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. Just take it in stride and keep turning them down. There is not much you can do about it.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I have noticed it before, but more often than not it doesn't happen. Not obviously, anyway. Plus... these are the people that should care about you, not who you are with. If you are happy, then they shouldn't try changing that by pushing you to be with someone else. How do you handle it when they do this? Do you say anything? I'd make it loud and clear that you are in a relationship with a woman that you adore and couldn't see yourself with anyone else at the moment. If something were to change at any point, you'd let them know. But until then, the dating pool is closed to you. I usually just politely decline... and say how happy I am with my current GF. So I typically take the approach you suggest. My question is this. Do women around here feel it's not needed to respect her because she is foreign? Is that how it works? I don't know, I wouldn't think twice about it, personally (re: do women dislike people dating others from another country). I can't imagine why anyone would object. Is your family particularly conservative in that way? Do they have an image of the "ideal" partner for you? You know them best, but from an outside perspective it could just be that those people are busybodies who enjoy matchmaking just because. Never could see the pleasure in it, myself. It's too fraught. I'm happy when people figure it out for themselves. My mom I'm sure just gave into pressure from a coworker that has ALWAYS wanted me to date her friend. Also, I make really good money so my mom assumes most women are just after financial security until she meets them. Also... my mom loves to play matchmaker. Unfortunately her taste in women is awful. As for the other two... I just don't get it. So, which is it? Or did I misread something? Is it possible they think you're making more out of this LDR than what it is? I was referencing the fact that this has happened 3 times in the last month. Never before this time WHILE I was currently in a relationship. Also... my GF is from another country... not IN another country. It's not a LDR.
EricaH329 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I usually just politely decline... and say how happy I am with my current GF. So I typically take the approach you suggest. My question is this. Do women around here feel it's not needed to respect her because she is foreign? Is that how it works? I'm not sure where 'around here' is, but I don't think it has anything to do with location. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the person. I know a very few people (my father included) who would freak out if I were to date someone outside of my race/culture/ethnicity. But it isn't their life. It's yours. You do what you feel is best. I'm sure it can become discouraging at times, and I can understand why you'd want to know where this is stemming from. But it really comes down to one thing. A persons personal preference. Either way, they are clearly disrespecting your life choices (or just not taking you seriously, which is equally as bad). My advice to you is to just keep doing what you are doing. Don't allow it to bother you. You know what's best for you.
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