maravilla Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Thanks guys, I appreciate the feedback.... I was pretty angry what I wrote that stuff about stringing him along etc. I'm just having a very hard time coping and drive myself absolutely crazy thinking about it. Oddly, I'm feeling a little less saddened now that we've broken NC and he's back in my life again, but now there's just this whole new level of anxiety. Things just aren't the same. Him and his wife are separated now, he says he wants to be alone for a while to get his life sorted out and decide what he wants to do. Yet he still sees me (and her I'm sure) quite often... and he just seems so angry and depressed all the time. He says he wants to be himself again, the way he was when we first met, but he's really struggling between the two of us... it's definitely messed up, a really bad situation to be in... I want out of this sooo badly, it's just so hard when the only friends we both have being new to the city are the same ones ... I want to be friends with him, but it's clearly not working because just "hanging out" always turns into him staying the night again. Things were so much easier in the 3 days of no contact I had with him. He was such an ass to me on purpose the night before we stopped talking. I became disgusted at the thought of him on the third day. I wish I was back there again, now I have to find a way to start NC all over again. It's going to be tough. Reading through some of the recent posts on this forum have been very helpful though. It's nice knowing I'm not alone. I had the same feeling as you did after MM and I broke NC. It actually helped me go back to NC and stay NC... well, I have only been NC again for 5 days but I am determined to stay that way. I think that if you're really ready to go NC but then it is broken (which I think is normal because you miss him or he contacts you and then it doesn't feel right not to contact him back), then it just strengthens your resolve to finally stay NC for good next time you go NC (which is the hard part, yes). Good luck, I wish you the best!
Mimolicious Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Hello everyone! I came across this forum today and I'm hoping that getting my story out will help me make a crucial decision. Sorry I know it's super long..... After moving 5 hours away from home to my current city, I was feeling pretty lonely. I hadn't made many friends and drove home every weekend just to save myself from feeling so depressed. I ended up finding a hobby, and met a great guy in April. Like almost everyone's situation here he became super attentive to me really quickly. He clearly had a crush on me, but I later found out he was engaged. I chalked it up to him just being a flirty guy and kept things really casual with us. Over the next few weeks and months we became really close. He would come over to my place almost every night and he would send me these really great emails throughout the day, telling me how beautiful I am and just making me feel good about myself in a way I had never felt before. It got to the point where I was almost sick of him because he would come over uninvited when I just wanted a night to myself, but I secretly liked it deep down because I had never had anyone so interested in me like this before. I found out he wasn't happy in his relationship with her and was basically settling with his best friend. I couldn't help but feel guilty about what was happening, and the kind of person I was becoming, and tried to end it with him several times. Every time I would end it he would come after me and do everything in his power to get me back. He would buy me things and tell me he never felt this way about anyone before, and I would always go back to him. In July, I was still trying to keep things casual with us. He told me he loved me but I didn't reciprocate. He asked me if he left her would I be with him, I said I wasn't sure. I then found out he turned around and got married. The kicker is I had no idea that entire weekend. I found out afterwards that he was texting me on the NIGHT of his wedding. He came over to my place a few days later and told me everything, I swore I would never take him back again. Sure enough, I found myself thinking about him and falling for him more and more every day, I'm not sure why. Fate kept bringing us together it seemed. I live in a big city and we kept crossing paths. It was like we were meant to be. Fast forward to 1 month ago, he finally tells his wife he wants out. She moves out to live with some friends temporarily. This should have been a time for us to celebrate the fact that we can finally be together, but something in him seemed to click that night, and he changed from being this wonderful guy who just couldn't get enough of me, to this depressed, angry man who just doesn't seem like he wants to talk to me anymore. I found out last week when I got a hold of his phone that instead of working late like he said he was, he was speaking with his wife again and was "back together" with her, searching for apartments together. That hurt more than anything, I tried to kick him out of my place but he cried and told me I'm the one he wanted to be with. He picked up the phone right then and there and called her to tell her it wasn't going to work out between them. I heard her crying. It was the hardest thing to witness... it was so messed up. I felt awful, I should have stuck to my guns when I ended it the first time. Now it's just getting harder and harder. Things were great for a few days but now I'm insanely jealous of the relationship between him and his wife. She is always texting him and complaining about how she can't find a place to live. He's there at her beck and call all the time. They were only married for 2 months yet he's giving her half the stuff HE bought (his LCD tv, his furniture, dishes etc). Maybe I should be staying out of this, but the fact that he's become less attentive to me and seems to be angry at me all the time, and is suddenly so concerned about her makes me feel really sad. We've had a million fights about this, she is always over at his apartment during the day just to use his internet to search for apartments and "pack". She can't find an internet cafe? Her stuff is packed already, why does she need to be there every single day? He's upset with me because I'm not being more understanding. He doesn't want her to end up in a dump somewhere, but I think she can handle it on her own. He doesn't need to be worrying about finding places for her to live and finding her a set of winter tires for her car or all the other BS she keeps bugging him about. He isn't being sensitive to my feelings about this, even though he says he is by not keeping anymore secrets from me and showing me the text conversations they've been having on his phone. He insists he doesn't want to go back to her, but I just can't trust him anymore. I'm not sure what to do. Is this just a grieving process for him? Will things go back to the way they were when this is done and over with? Should I be worried he's having doubts because this divorce seems to be taking FOREVER to happen? I don't know if I should just leave him and spare myself in case he decides to go back with her again... am I wrong to want her completely out of his life? He says he wants to stay friends with her, which I am not comfortable with at all. My friends and family think I'm a complete idiot for taking him back after being lied to and deceived so many times. It's so hard for me to leave him now, I feel so lost when he's not around... I just don't know what to do Time for you to celebrate?! Oh my! Like they say, those who build their happiness based on someone else's misery... you know the rest. *SHAKING MY HEAD* Never mind... I'll get banned for what I really want to say.
Author blinded_27 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) I had the same feeling as you did after MM and I broke NC. It actually helped me go back to NC and stay NC... well, I have only been NC again for 5 days but I am determined to stay that way. I think that if you're really ready to go NC but then it is broken (which I think is normal because you miss him or he contacts you and then it doesn't feel right not to contact him back), then it just strengthens your resolve to finally stay NC for good next time you go NC (which is the hard part, yes). Good luck, I wish you the best! Thanks maravilla, your story is quite inspiring to me actually... you were one of the first people to reply to my post and our situations are pretty similar... been together for 7 months, and went NC on the same day... you're so strong too, I hope I can gain that strength soon too.. *sigh* at least this time around I'm starting to see who he really is. I'm pretty sure when I finally gain the courage to walk away and go NC again it will be just a bit easier.... the idea of him being such a wonderful, doting man to me has just been completely thrown out now. Time for you to celebrate?! Oh my! Like they say, those who build their happiness based on someone else's misery... you know the rest. *SHAKING MY HEAD* Never mind... I'll get banned for what I really want to say. hahah, yep, I hear it. Don't worry I beat myself up every night for this. I know what's happening, I know it sounds crazy... it seems like common sense to someone on the outside... Edited November 17, 2010 by blinded_27
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