swfc_77 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 i'v just answered to another thread and was wondering where i would be in life now if i hadn't met my ex 2 years ago. she did good things for me and did change some things about me for the better but thinking about what i use to do im a different person now, maybe thats why i feel a little lost. like i'v said on a different thread she would moan about me doing things i liked, such as fishing or djing so eventually i just sort of stopped. maybe this is where it went wrong as i sort of started to settle down. i wish i could go back 2 years and just see where my life would have gone, i think i regret meeting her because i had a gut feeling all along that she was, what she turned out to be. its hard still because im left with no answers and she is still so close to me (lives close but 6 weeks NC). i just hope i have enough energy and strenght to stand up straight and be a man when i see her. any thoughts, comments or how your feeling right now will help people im sure.
carhill Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I would say the joys, successes, challenges and sadnesses of marriage made me a more *complete* person, even in light of the marriage's failure. I'm sure my exW might have a different perspective
Author swfc_77 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 dont you wonder where life would have taken you thought if you had have said no, even if they made you a better person. my ex made me into a better person, but strangled any hobbies and friendship with friends and even family.
Gt.ooh Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Well, I got to say.. I've often wondered the same things. I would have had my City job still, over 15,000 in the bank.. On the other hand I wouldn't have had a life experience, seen places I probably would've never seen, enjoyed my time for that year... But, I've been destroyed, and just like all my friends and family predicted I'm back in my parents house on the opposite side of the country to her...Broke, working with my dad's friend, and absolutely hearbroken... I'm really on the fence right now. One hand I had a hell of a good time dating her for the year we were together, experiencing life... But now, having no money, my heart feels like it's 1000lbs, and she's treating me like I never existed complete $***, found out her EX was "visiting" couple weeks back. I'll be a better person and more confident as she was my first everything, just right now hard to justify 10,000 dollars lost and a good job..
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Both of my ex's definitely made me a better person, and theyve told me I had the same effect on them too. Though Im unhappy about how it came to an end, I wouldnt trade it in for the what-if of a different path. Like with my current ex, he introduced me to a lot of great people who are now some of the closest friends I have. He also strongly encouraged me with my freelance work, he always had more faith in me than I had in myself and its cause of him that I finally started taking it seriously, and most of the clients I have are those he referred to me. The one before introduced me to a standard of life and lifestyle I didnt even know was possible for me to be a part of, and really showed me how important it is to set a goal and strive to achieve it. Though there was a lot of pain when both these relationships ended, they made a huge impact on me on an emotional level that was incredibly positive for me. Honestly, I dont want to know what my life would have been like without either of them having been in it....
lapse Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 RTS, that is lovely. As for me, my relationship with my ex taught me a lot about what I want out of a relationship, what I can tolerate and what I can't. I used to think that if two people 'loved' each other and wanted it to work, it just would. They'd find a way. Prior to this, I never understood how people could say "It just didn't work out." To me, that always meant someone or both didn't work hard enough. I also learned a lot about myself. And I have areas that I can really work on. It will make my future relationship/s better, and in the meantime, I will grow stronger. I think it also got some 'need' for romance out of my system.
Crusoe Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Would'ves, could'ves, if's, but's, maybe's. You can't think like that. The game is played shot by shot, son. And you got to know how to lose before you learn how to win. Regret nothing, learn everything. Nothing worth having, learning, is easy. Pity yourself at your peril. You cannot be worse for knowing someone, anyone, anything. You just, f*cking, can't.
Sonolumino Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I honestly think I'm better for it, and not because I want to find meaning in a cliche or hard situation. This situation is 100% what you make of it, as is anything that happens in your life. I feel like I can deal with more with grace instead of with inaction, and the little things don't seem to bother me as much. I still am not fully healed, but I think the fact that I can acknowledge some good that came from this is a step in the right direction. I wouldn't trade what happened for anything, because I don't know how deep this rabbit hole goes yet.
Gt.ooh Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Would'ves, could'ves, if's, but's, maybe's. You can't think like that. The game is played shot by shot, son. And you got to know how to lose before you learn how to win. Regret nothing, learn everything. Nothing worth having, learning, is easy. Pity yourself at your peril. You cannot be worse for knowing someone, anyone, anything. You just, f*cking, can't. I think this is the way to look at it...everything happens for a reason. We have to learn to transform these reasons into a new part of our lives. I'm not going to get the reconciliation band wagon going; however, sometimes these reasons might mean taking a step back and find each other and it will work out. That's what I'm trying to tell myself now.. She broke up with me, I've learnt a lot about myself.. got to let it happen now. Hard to tell your brain that.
TLCbear Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Never really thought about it, however, I have wondered what my life would have been like if I would had said yes and married my exes. Eventhough ending relationships cause alot of pain, after all the pain and hurt goes, I tend to look at it as a learning experience. What I learned from that person and what I need to improve to make myself a better person. For instance, my first ex and last ex were very similiar, eventhough, I learned alot from both exes, I didn't learned the main lesson because I ended up with same person 7 years later. Do I regret alot of things in my life, yes, I do, but as long as I can learn from it, I'm good. I try my best to prevent the same things from happening again and again and again. I've learned some good things from my last ex, but overall, do not regret ever meeting him. Probably the most valuable things I've learned from his is I'm more open to sharing my space with someone and no longer scared of getting married...and I've learned not to ignore the reg flags waving in my face and no longer willing to compromise my expectations because a man "seem nice." You either have it all or nothing.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 You cannot be worse for knowing someone, anyone, anything. You just, f*cking, can't. i have to disagree, people can have a negative or unhealthy influence on your life. i dont think she made me a worse person, quite the opposite but i wonder if it was down to her. the reason i regret getting with her is probably the wrong way to put it, i think i regret not listening to myself when i knew what was standing in front of me. love is blind and all that. 1 thing i have learn't and please tell me if this is unhealthy, but i'v learn't that the people who are meant to be the closest are still capable of lying to you and even themselve's. i'v never had anyone that close to me before and when she said she loved me, wanted to get engaged, wanted to buy a house, kids ect. i believed it. why would anyone say things so strong to change their mind days/weeks later, why even say things like that if there's a hint of doubt in your mind. i told her everything from the start, even the fact that at first she was not my type. but eventually i fell in love with her and did want these thing but i think the difference is that i actually meant it.
durkadurka Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 The jury is still out. For the longest time I thought she was the best influence on my life, but I've had 2 months to reflect on everything since things went seriously sour, and I've realized that while she was a sweet, kind, and gentle person, she put me in positions that just weren't fair.
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 dont you wonder where life would have taken you thought if you had have said no No. Such wondering is pointless. Having seen many science fiction programmes about alternate timelines, they always end badly, so I am happy to stay in this one thankyouverymuch! My ex didn't make me a better person. Yes I am a better person now than I was, but it was me who made me a better person. Her presence may have motivated me (or not?), but it was me who did the hard work and me who will take the credit for it.
curiousnycgirl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 My ex did not make me a better person, when we first met he made me happy - and then he made me sad, but I kept trying to recapture that happiness. Then I thought it made me happier to be with him than not, so I continued to stay with him. Now that I have "snapped" and seen the light - and I have the benefit of many, many weeks of deep reflective and honest thought I realize that it has been a very long time since he's made me happy - and the truth is he made me very unhappy and very insecure and to a degree he was actually verbally tearing me to pieces and emotionaly abusive. I take full responsiblity for allowing that to happen.
alwayshoping Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 My ex made me a better person. She taught me to cook (many many dishes! Shepards pie anyone?) We would always cook together but when apart I would cook her dishes for my mates! It was awesome. She taught me to be more social and see how rich people live there lives. She made me go out everday which was wierd for me as sometimes I like nights in. On the other hand she taught me the definition of selfish and how to be a bitch to people. I just took the positives from her so thanfully she didnt make me a bad person, although she got close to getting me to be like her. She was uncultured and never wanted to change! I thought it was silly and it just annoyed me in the end that she was so closed minded! oh well, you live and learn. Everyone need to learn to take the positives from people and leave out the negatives. This is what makes us better people. If we do take the negatives, then we are adults and can only blame ourselves. I hope your doing well sw77. Im still finding it hard man! My girl went to wembly for some crap game last week, so shes obviously already with someone else! That hurt. But ironically has now reinforced the reality she wont ever call me or even miss me. It hurt but sometimes thats the only way to heal. Anyways I hope your situation hasnt had any new development and your doing okay now matey. Btw the damn hairclips, I think hers are hiding in my room just waiting for me to nearly forget about her before popping out to say hi! Hope your taking care of yourself matey.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 im not bad pal, just focusing on work and getting back into my house music which im now realising i sorely missed, when i got with her i was gettin more gigs which she asked me to stop as i think she was jealous of the attention. im starting to realise with everything i'v writ on here what a complete joke the whole relationship was and how it must have looked to outsiders, i feel ashamed more than anything for ever getting myself involved with someone like that, i thought i had skills which helped me work people out, but obviously not.
bl22 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I feel since the break up of my girlfriend ive had no choice but to dig myself out of misery and become a better person. Since the breakup I joined the gym again and have been 5/6 times a week for around a month now, and I dont plan to stop. Quiting the gym last year was a massive mistake and i become lazy. I realise my flaws now and I'm doing everything I can to be the best I can be, looks and personality. I was always loyal and loving to her but as relationships do you begin to take things for granted. I'm doing this for myself not for her, but in the future when all what she's done doesnt bother me anymore, maybe we could be friends again because I've never had a better connection to someone in my life than her. Known her 2 and half years and its only Oct she made a complete U-turn on me our relationship and our future. I think 1 day she may regret what she's done, but for now I'm working on myself and my goals.
ReturnToSender Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 im not bad pal, just focusing on work and getting back into my house music which im now realising i sorely missed, when i got with her i was gettin more gigs which she asked me to stop as i think she was jealous of the attention. im starting to realise with everything i'v writ on here what a complete joke the whole relationship was and how it must have looked to outsiders, i feel ashamed more than anything for ever getting myself involved with someone like that, i thought i had skills which helped me work people out, but obviously not. Dont feel bad... I felt the same way about both of my last relationships..even worse with the most recent one. And even worse still for considering starting back over with him again. I wont even talk to anyone except for one friend of mine who is going through the same thing, cause they would all think Ive gone mad. I just may have LoL! But yeah.... Dont be ashamed...we've all been there.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 this has really helped me get over my ex, give it a go while your doing your work alwayshopin, put it on and revise. lol give it chance tho mate. mental. im listening to it now as i type, selt my old decks to buy some new ones tommorow. hopefully will be another addition to the "hobbies to take the mind off the ex girlfriend fund" please donate if you have any spare change. lol sad thing about this website is no matter how bad we all feel now is that in time we will all be ok. you know it makes sense.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 p.s skip to 9.20 on the mix...... best tune you will ever hear in your life
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 p.s.s and as i sit hear listening to the music of life the ex HAS JUST ****IN TX ME "hope your ok" 4 weeks NC what timing. 2 words nik my baby. fu.ck you
bl22 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 p.s.s and as i sit hear listening to the music of life the ex HAS JUST ****IN TX ME "hope your ok" 4 weeks NC what timing. 2 words nik my baby. fu.ck you The 'hope you're okay' txts....god she gave me them literally 1/2 weeks after the break up. Stupidly I thought it meant she wanted to talk and rang her, only for it to turn nasty. Been nearly 3/4 weeks NC now and not heard from her, I think I will do eventually though, and I wont make that mistake again.
ReturnToSender Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 this has really helped me get over my ex, give it a go while your doing your work alwayshopin, put it on and revise. lol give it chance tho mate. mental. OMG I love this!!!! Thanks so much for sharing!
Author swfc_77 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 i know i just sit a the computer just nodding, i'll be mixing this bad ass music tommorow. next door wont be happy but hey..... im healing
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