red_cloud Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I was reading the semi-successful online dating thread, and someone said that it's difficult for men, because they never get messages. Well, when I opened my online dating account I wanted to hide my profile because I live in a somewhat small area and didn't want people I work with (who also date online) finding me. That's just TMI. So I either hid my profile or put myself in a different area. Then I sent messages to all the guys living in my area that I found interesting, and of course, I let them know that I'm actually from their area. Like more than half of them didn't respond. I didn't even send them to hot guys, just guys who seem nice and generally respond to most messages. BTW, my emails are very quick and witty, and most guys online tell me I'm very attractive so I know I have good pics. So men, what gives? Here you complain that girls don't message you at all and how hard it is for men online.. yet when a normal and good looking girl sends you a message, you don't respond? Really?
Cee Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I think you have created confusion by lying and that's why you aren't getting messaged. First off, if you have fudged your geographic location so prospective dates in your location can't find you. Therefore, they haven't cruised your profile before you messaged them. Sometimes people circle for a bit before messaging. You are coming from out of the blue. Sending a message about you lying about your geographic area might raise a red flag. There is a good bit of lying on profiles and I think the men are leery. I think a man would rather not get a first message with a red flag in it. I would suggest that you not lie about your geographic area and make a profile that you wouldn't mind your coworkers or friends encountering. Yes, it's uncomfortable having people you know looking at your profile, but they are doing online dating too. It's not a shameful thing at all. And I've seen people post info on Facebook that makes the average online profile look tame. My suggestion: Don't lie in your profile.
Author red_cloud Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I don't think its a red flag, I find it to be common sense for people that work in large corporations in small areas, so that's a non-issue for me, nor would I be put off by it if there was a legit reason. But I bring this question up because it hasn't just happened to me. Tons of girls have complained about this that I know...you message guys, they don't respond. Yet they complain that no one sends them messages.
Philetus Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I dunno. I responded to almost everyone who messaged me, and in most cases, it was a polite, 'no thanks'. Are you sure these profiles are active? I think my profile can still be found on Match.com but I never check my account 'cause I've got a gf.
sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 So what was the reply rate? You said less than half. Like 40%? That's pretty good, you can't expect every guy to respond. Men might get 1 - 10% reply rates at best.
WTRanger Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Now you know how we feel. It's all about equal opportunities right?
carhill Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 So, presuming you've received a response from someone who interested you, how did that go? To me, OLD is just a way to meet potentially single people. All it takes is one. Let us know how that goes.
musemaj11 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Lol, I have never sent an email and got a reply from a girl EVER! At least you got a fraction of them answered.
musemaj11 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I think women are sometimes so funny. It seems that all of them think all the girlfriends we have are all our first tries. It seems they think all we have to do is approach three women and every third one will say yes. If only its that easy. :laugh:
sanskrit Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 So are you sending messages and then rehiding your profile? Many men, self included, will not return a mail to a hidden profile. I don't know ANY women who would return such a mail.
OceanGirl Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 They probably think that you are married or something....
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 .. yet when a normal and good looking girl sends you a message, you don't respond? Really? Who are you to tell me, or these guys, what they are to find attractive? They probably didn't fancy you.
that girl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Who are you to tell me, or these guys, what they are to find attractive? They probably didn't fancy you. C'mon. There was just a thread about how average looking women are treated like celebrities. You have to see how a girl would get confused.
Weekender Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I don't think its a red flag, I find it to be common sense for people that work in large corporations in small areas, so that's a non-issue for me, nor would I be put off by it if there was a legit reason. But I bring this question up because it hasn't just happened to me. Tons of girls have complained about this that I know...you message guys, they don't respond. Yet they complain that no one sends them messages. Red flags to me on these online sites are: People who leave out details. Fib about age, when the picture shows a different story. Fibs about location. The only pictues is a group shot with 4 or 5 women and you don't know which is the one that goes with the profile...etc. The point is... any attempt at elusiveness, even if it innocent, like trying to keep friends from seeing you are on the site, is a red flag to us guys...period. After all the guy doesn't know you at all and doesn't know you just don't want people who know you to see the profile.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 C'mon. There was just a thread about how average looking women are treated like celebrities. You have to see how a girl would get confused. It's not rocket science - if someone doesn't find you attractive, they're not going to write back. We have no idea what the OP looks like. For all I know she could look like the back end of a bus. And she's wondering why men won't write back. I get emails all the time from women on dating sites. Invariably they are plain, average and unattractive. And I don't have massively high standards. I would say that only about 10% of women I see on Match are what I find attractive.
that girl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 It's not rocket science - if someone doesn't find you attractive, they're not going to write back. We have no idea what the OP looks like. For all I know she could look like the back end of a bus. And she's wondering why men won't write back. I get emails all the time from women on dating sites. Invariably they are plain, average and unattractive. And I don't have massively high standards. I would say that only about 10% of women I see on Match are what I find attractive. I was pointing out the contrast with what guys here say ("even average looking women are inundated with attention at all times") and this girl's experience. She describes herself as normal and good looking so I took that at face value. And if only 10% of the women on match meet your looks standard, you standard is high. Now there isn't anything wrong with that, but it does suggest a massively high standard.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 And if only 10% of the women on match meet your looks standard, you standard is high. Now there isn't anything wrong with that, but it does suggest a massively high standard. My standards are not "massively high" by any stretch of the imagination. Do you find more than one in 10 guys attractive?
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