brentmused Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 (edited) Hi all I am struggling like hell to move on or want to move on with my life after breaking up with my girlfriend of 11 years. To make matters worse, we work with each other at her father's company Our relationship went stale and for the last four or five years whe didn't treat each other very well. I suppose and a couple of years ago we both decided to take a break for a few months. We still saw each other, had sex and I stayed over at weekends. After three months she decided that we should give it another go. I was over the moon and I really thought we had come through it all and our problems were over. That was May 2009. About three months ago, we had an argument as for the last month she had been moody and I kept asking her what was wrong. She said she wanted a break for a few weeks. I was upset but said I would as it might help. Anyway, after a couple of weeks which was what she initially said it would be, she said she didnt love me anymore and didnt want to be with me anymore. She said that she had tried when we first got back together, but she couldn't get the feeling back. I moved into my parents house and am living in their small lounge on a sofa. I have begged, cried hysterically, argued, screamed. I love her so much and cannot see my liufe without her. I see her every day in work but she wants no contact outside of work and it is destroying me. I just cannot see a future ahead without her and I don't want a future without her. I am like a puppy dog following her around, begging her etc. and I know that it is the wrong thing to be doing. I want her to want me back but I'm not sure if im going about it the right way. Maybe cooling it and taking a step back may make a difference and not be so keen. Edited November 3, 2010 by brentmused
strength-abounds Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Welcome to LS brent. Dude, you need to quit panicking. Your emotions along with her emotions are extremely raw from the breakup. Chasing her is doing nothing but pushing her away. Take a little time for yourself and reflect on the relationship. I know it's easier said than done but she doesn't want to be with you right now and you can't change that. After a few days, when your emotions are not running as rampant as they now, then you can readdress the relationship. In the meantime, keep Limited Contact with her and work on YOU. Go out and exercise. Sweating is a natural anitdepressant and a great mind settler. Meet up with friends. H*ll, go make new friends. Then and only then you will attract her back to you. Good Luck and God Bless.
valpre Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Sorry for your pain brent - 11 years is a long time and you must be feeling very out of place at the moment. she said she didnt love me anymore and didnt want to be with me anymore. She said that she had tried when we first got back together, but she couldn't get the feeling back. You've got to accept that this is they way she feels. As much as she has tried, she just doesn't have the same feelings any more. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who loves and admires you? I have begged, cried hysterically, argued, screamed. I love her so much and cannot see my liufe without her. I see her every day in work but she wants no contact outside of work and it is destroying me. Okay, so you've done the begging, crying, arguing, screaming - it's got you no where. She doesn't want contact with you, respect that. I just cannot see a future ahead without her and I don't want a future without her. I can relate. The future looks bleak and you're not only facing the loss of her, but also the loss of the future you thought your were going to have. Unfortunately things don't always work out the way we want, it's just the way life goes. I am like a puppy dog following her around, begging her etc. and I know that it is the wrong thing to be doing. No women respects a puppy dog. I want her to want me back but I'm not sure if im going about it the right way. Maybe cooling it and taking a step back may make a difference and not be so keen. Yes, just back off. It's the best way to save your dignity. She doesn't even have time to miss you because you're always around begging. Take some power and control back by focusing on steps towards building a new life for yourself, maybe look into apartments, think about doing something you've always wanted to do, take care of you. You can do it.
Author brentmused Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 That's all great advice but my predicament is made a whole lot harder by the fact that we work together, in the same office, and I have to liase with her on a daily basis. I just cant stop hating myself for all of this as I wanted to be with her for ever and now I have to see her on a daily basis. I could quit my job but I enjoy it and it is a good job. Now, as Christmas gets ever closer, I'm absolutely dreading it, especially when I think back to what great times we had over past Christmases.
Cratsky Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I feel the important thing for you to consider is that her decision didn't happen over night. You both gave it a real go, and that's a good thing. You did everything you could and it's unfortunate that she was not able to reciprocate. While it takes two people to form a relationship, it only requires one person to walk away. I know this is hard. You held on, you made changes, you truly felt like the future was brighter and that the past would be forgotten etc. You've got to realise that a break-up is hard on both sides. She cares about you, and was wiling to give it various goes. If she didn't care, she could have stayed in the relationship and lied to your face everytime you held her hand or kissed her. She loved you enough to be honest. Would you want her to have to put on a fake smile everytime you called? You know the answer. I know it's tough, especially because you still work together but you've got to take it day by day. Wake up in the morning, look yourself in mirror and take stock of who you are and how you are feeling right now. Don't get me wrong, you'll most likely be miserable for at least the first 1-2 months. But slowly, over time the pain will subside. Don't force it. You may find it helpful to make a commitment to yourself on a daily basis for the first month i.e. commit to staying civil and tell yourself it is okay to be sad. Try not to lose it at work by staying busy mentally. But when you get home, give yourself at least an hour to let loose your anguish. It is important that you find support through friends or family. Find a close individual, and tell them whats happened and ask them if it's okay if you just hang around them for a while. You don't have to do anything, but it saves you being alone. Having someone in your life everyday, and then suddenly losing them is a huge shock to the system. But they say it takes 21days to build a habit. Go out there and start the process of loving yourself. It's okay to hurt but most importantly, it's okay to ask for support when you need it.
valpre Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 That's all great advice but my predicament is made a whole lot harder by the fact that we work together, in the same office, and I have to liase with her on a daily basis. Could you maybe take some time off for awhile?
Author brentmused Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I work for a publishing company and now is our busiest time of the year as it builds up to the Christmas period so to take any length of time off is virtually impossible. I suppose I'll just have to be strong but it's so hard to look at her now as simply a work colleague, but I'll just have to get used to it.
valpre Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Ah yes, it is busy time for you guys now. Just hang in there - and maybe plan for some time off in the new year, so that you have something to look forward to. Be Cool, Calm and Collected.
thatsonlyme Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I feel your pain man, 11 years is a very long time. I know it's hard but you have to let her go and try to move on. Maybe she will come back one day, maybe not, but that's out of your control now. At least you know she tried and that should give you some comfort. You meant enough to her to give it another try. My ex left me so abruptly, found another guy right away and made me feel like nothing ever meant anything to her! You can't make somebody love you, that's life and we have to accept it. Stay strong and good luck.
Author brentmused Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou to everyone was has replied, I know it sounds stupid but it has helped me a lot. Since we split in July I haven't spoken to anybody about it and this is the first time I have and it has helped actually speaking to people who know what I am going through and I appreciate it. I spoke to my ex tonight as it is hard for her because she hates seeing me upset all the time and told her what I was going to do. When we split we had no contact apart from work but about six weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink and we did for a couple hours and talked about what we had been doing. Since then we've been for a meal, drinks, cinema, speedway, shopping and to her mum's new house. Then two weeks ago she said that she didn't think seeing me like that when we had split was a good idea as it gave me false hope of rekindling our relationship and that it made her upset when she watched me walk away after going out for drinks etc and that she didn't want to feel like that anymore. Anyway, so tonight after work I was trying to make her go for a drink and a chat and ashe said she didn't want to and then we had a few tears and I decided there and then I didn't want to make her feel bad anymore so I have told her now that I will not contact her apart from work and not try to make her come back to me and that I hoped time may make a difference although I think her mind is made up. The no contact will be so so hard for me though as she was my best friend and I would always be able to tell her anything and vice versa. We worked and lived together 24/7 for 11 years (I suspect the fact that we worked together and spent so much time together may have been a factor in this) and knowing that she is just ten feet away from me in the office and not being able to cuddle her or kiss her is a killer, it feels as if someone I love has died to be honest, but I just have to be strong and if it meant to be then it will happen, if not I will just have to try and take each difficult day at a time
melenkurion Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Can I ask why you haven't spoken to people about this? Initially I found it hard telling people, I thought that somehow made the split more "real". People really can be amazing in this situation, my friends have put up with me going on and on about it. Don't be afraid to get in contact with people you've lost touch with, either. People you were close to understand that it's easy to lose touch without meaning to, they will be glad to hear from you.
mridul_chajilee Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Friend,your case and my case is same means breakup after 11years.I had breakup after 11years.I also beg her and touch her leg in the middile of the city but nothing happened and lastly in anger i slapped her in her office.so i request you to follow NC GUIDE,Probably she may come to u again.But never argue with her anymore and just spying her if she nw engaged with other man if it then let her go.Time is the best healer,it wil heal ur all sorrow.Never be angry for her.If u feel more bad then consult a doctor and take Anxiolytic drug to forget this.thanks.good luck.and believe in JESUS.
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