Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I'm sure most of you think this is easy-peasy, and I know it's been addressed before - but I forgot! I was spending an evening in my favorite haunt. I was feeling friendly and was being chatty with the folks around me, and was having an enjoyable exchange with this one guy - who seemed to get the idea that I was into him! I was repelled romantically, but I WAS enjoying his company and didn't want to be mean/awkward when he asked for my number - so I gave it to him. (Yes, I KNOW I'm a wimp.) What are you SUPPOSED to do when this sort of thing happens?
runner Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 sounds like you might enjoy his company as a buddy; giving your number to a potential buddy isn't such a bad thing, so long as you drop some major hints that it isn't romantic.
welikeincrowds Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 "I'm sorry, I'm unavailable. I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. But thank you for asking." ("Unavailable" is such a great word.) Less good: "I'm sorry, I don't give out my number." If he asks if you would like to take his, you may. It's de facto that women don't call. It's a bit of a double standard, but whatever, that's life. Anyone with a little experience will know not to ask further, and if they do... well, it's off you, really. Nothing is so bad though as the fake number. The equivalent for men is taking down a your number with no intention of calling because the pressure to do so is so obvious. I've done that a few times. Always felt so low afterward.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I'm sure most of you think this is easy-peasy, and I know it's been addressed before - but I forgot! I was spending an evening in my favorite haunt. I was feeling friendly and was being chatty with the folks around me, and was having an enjoyable exchange with this one guy - who seemed to get the idea that I was into him! I was repelled romantically, but I WAS enjoying his company and didn't want to be mean/awkward when he asked for my number - so I gave it to him. (Yes, I KNOW I'm a wimp.) What are you SUPPOSED to do when this sort of thing happens? I used to do this when I wasn't interested (I too am a wimp) and then would just ignore them when they texted/called. I know, bad. Now I just say 'really sorry, I have a boyfriend,' if they have absolutley no potential. If I'm sort of interested and may consider them I say 'how about you give me yours instead?' And if I am definitley interested, I say sure and give them my number. EDIT: I'd like to try the 'umm... actually, I'm a lesbian' thing for sh*ts and giggles sometime.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Oh yeah, if it is in the setting of a club/bar and I know I will see them later on in the night and I'm sort of interested but haven't made up my mind... I'll say, 'maybe later if you're lucky.'
Author Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 "I'm sorry, I'm unavailable. I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. But thank you for asking." Hm, for some reason I can't imagine myself saying that without feeling like a snob, or like those girls some of the LS fellas are peeved at for tossing their hair around like they're all that. I mean it was pretty obvious that the guy was gazing at me like his favorite teddy bear... but... yeah... ok, that IS good advice.
Author Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Oh yeah, if it is in the setting of a club/bar and I know I will see them later on in the night and I'm sort of interested but haven't made up my mind... I'll say, 'maybe later if you're lucky.' Hmmmmmm! THAT sounds smooth! Then again, it's only seems to building up more hope for that later rejection. I know I should just grow a pair. It's true. (But not literally! Ew.)
Author Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 EDIT: I'd like to try the 'umm... actually, I'm a lesbian' thing for sh*ts and giggles sometime. HAHA! Bad idea, this place is full of horny lesbians giving me the eye.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Hm, for some reason I can't imagine myself saying that without feeling like a snob, or like those girls some of the LS fellas are peeved at for tossing their hair around like they're all that. I mean it was pretty obvious that the guy was gazing at me like his favorite teddy bear... but... yeah... ok, that IS good advice. Just tell him that you enjoy his company but would not be interested romantically. Er... Why exactly is there no romantic interest? Is he fat or bald?
Author Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Er... Why exactly is there no romantic interest? Is he fat or bald? If I consider a person more socially awkward than I am, we have a problem on our hands.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 If I consider a person more socially awkward than I am, we have a problem on our hands. He was just socially awkward? How do you know it wasn't a situational issue? What if you made him nervous?
Author Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 He was just socially awkward? How do you know it wasn't a situational issue? What if you made him nervous? ::blinks:: I asked him about the fantasy/sci-fi novel he was working on. We bantered, etc. He addressed me a bit too familiarly (In that sappy way my ex used to when he'd call me adorable), tried to brush against me with his leg, stared a little too long. I ignored this. More chitchat. We exchanged names. His was one of those dragon-novel types that he adopted as a teenager. He talked about how I'm really the first person he's chatted with since he moved here months ago. ...and, stuff. Look I'm not trying to be judgmental, I just don't really fit into that worldview - yanno?
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 ::blinks:: I asked him about the fantasy/sci-fi novel he was working on. We bantered, etc. He addressed me a bit too familiarly (In that sappy way my ex used to when he'd call me adorable), tried to brush against me with his leg, stared a little too long. I ignored this. More chitchat. We exchanged names. His was one of those dragon-novel types that he adopted as a teenager. He talked about how I'm really the first person he's chatted with since he moved here months ago. ...and, stuff. Look I'm not trying to be judgmental, I just don't really fit into that worldview - yanno? I have no idea what your referencing... but I get your point. He isn't socially awkward.... he is a dork. I can understand not wanting a dork. I do find it interesting though that you choose to mention that your the first person he has chatted with since moving to a new place. Is that a strike against him?
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Come on... does it really matter why she wasn't into him?
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Come on... does it really matter why she wasn't into him? It might not be super relevant, but it is interesting. It helps me understand the person making the post. Side Note: I hope your not trying to insinuate that I desire that she feel bad for not wanting to date him. From the description it sounds as though they lack common interests. Unless Knitt likes to read/write dragon novels.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 It might not be super relevant, but it is interesting. It helps me understand the person making the post. Side Note: I hope your not trying to insinuate that I desire that she feel bad for not wanting to date him. From the description it sounds as though they lack common interests. Unless Knitt likes to read/write dragon novels. Hey, no judgement/insuating anything here. Just curious as to why you were curious but that makes sense.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Hey, no judgement/insuating anything here. Just curious as to why you were curious but that makes sense. This is a touch off topic, but... when your in some of the heated debate threads, you don't really get a sense for who the poster is as a person. That makes it easier to be mean and extreme in your posts.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 This is a touch off topic, but... when your in some of the heated debate threads, you don't really get a sense for who the poster is as a person. That makes it easier to be mean and extreme in your posts. Okay... I don't mean to be that way. Can you give me an example? EDIT: Wait, was that directed at me or just a general statement?
TheMENemy Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Knittress, What you're "supposed" to do is avoid creating the circumstances which lead to the guy's asking you for your phone number in the first place. If you don't want a guy asking for your phone number, don't flirt with the guy!
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 MENemy... you don't have to flirt with a guy for him to ask for your number. When I'm approached, especially during the day time, I don't flirt with the guys who ask for my number. Usually they just approach and say 'hey....*insert flattering comment* could I get your number.' There isn't even a CHANCE for me to flirt with them in that short space of time.
TheMENemy Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 MENemy... you don't have to flirt with a guy for him to ask for your number. When I'm approached, especially during the day time, I don't flirt with the guys who ask for my number. Usually they just approach and say 'hey....*insert flattering comment* could I get your number.' There isn't even a CHANCE for me to flirt with them in that short space of time. True, but the tale told by Knittress is one in which her squire's enchantment was stimulated by convivial conversation. If you open the door even a little crack, the traveling salesman will try to jam his foot into it.
EasyHeart Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 "I'm sorry, I'm unavailable. I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. But thank you for asking." ("Unavailable" is such a great word.) Less good: "I'm sorry, I don't give out my number." If he asks if you would like to take his, you may. It's de facto that women don't call. It's a bit of a double standard, but whatever, that's life. Anyone with a little experience will know not to ask further, and if they do... well, it's off you, really. Nothing is so bad though as the fake number. The equivalent for men is taking down a your number with no intention of calling because the pressure to do so is so obvious. I've done that a few times. Always felt so low afterward. This is good advice, except that I don't understand why you would ever take his number if you're not interested. You're still giving him a false impression that you're interested. If it makes you feel uncomfortable to decline giving a guy your number, think of it this way: the longer you drag it out, the more awkward and uncomfortable the rejection is going to be. I would much, MUCH prefer a woman tell me up front that she's not interested, rather than try to be "nice" and wait to reject me until after I'm emotionally invested and have wasted my time and money taking her out a few times. From my perspective, when women try to avoid rejecting someone in order to be "nice", it's more properly called "sadistic". Rip off the band-aid; don't drag it out.
dispatch3d Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 idk to me it's almost common courtesy to give the number.
tincanman99 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Dont give your number to men that you arent interested in dating. It will save him and you aggravation. Now if he works up the courage to call and you dont pick up or tell him you arent interested he is going to think what was the whole point of this? Next time, just tell him you are seeing someone or something like that. Ends, right than and there. Its easy and painless.
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