DearlyDevoted Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 My daughter is 10 months and my father is serving 3 life sentences wrongfully convicted in prison. I waited until she was 3 months old and vaccinated before I took her to see him. My dad has been imprisoned since I was 6 years old and my mom has had children during and after the time he was convicted. (She had just had one during the trial and got pregnant with the other before the conviction). I mention this to say that myself and my younger siblings have been visiting him for over 20 years in various different institutions. I don't love going there but I miss my dad and am grateful for being able to still see and talk to him because it could be worse. Anyhow my sister in law recently made comments several times to me and others whom have repeated it to me that I was making ill parenting decisions to even take the baby there at all because of the germs that could be present. Yet when I bring the baby 600 miles away on an airplane to where she and her family lives, nothing is mentioned about germs etc. I understand a concern for the well being of a child but I find her comments highly offensive. I cannot help my dad's situation. Am I to not let my baby meet her grandfather or deny my father of meeting his grandchild? My sister in law has no children herself but tends to express her unsolicited opinion pretty often. My husband is aware of this and initially agreed and understood where I was coming from, but lately he has been saying I am over reacting and his sister wasn't saying anything bad about my dad but instead that she thinks I just shouldn't take the baby there. I am furthermore hurt that he didn't speak up to her about this and other comments. Any thoughts?
desertIslandCactus Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I don't know how your husband feels about the visits.. But it appears the most important thing is to reinforce your marriage and your husband's respectfulness of the visits. Try not to involve your husband with his sister's comments. You will only have sanity while tuning your sister-in-law out.
Author DearlyDevoted Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 What do you mean by reinforce my marriage? Can you expand? My husband did used to visit with me but hasn't since the baby has been born. He just says he wants to make sure we all have our time with him since the visits are so limited, but I felt for her first visit there he should have at least gone...I mean its an impt milestone. He continues to say he wants to go but then doesn't take opportunity when it comes back up so now I don't even ask him to go anymore. I wonder if he isn't going for an alterior reason??? I didn't involve him the first 2 times she said it, but the third time she said it in front of him and their parents and family. She has continued to say it on other occasions to others. I am tired of hearing about it. I turn my cheek so much with her comments. I am not sure how much more of it I can take or tune out. Do you not think I should say anything to her?
FanFan Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I didn't involve him the first 2 times she said it, but the third time she said it in front of him and their parents and family. She has continued to say it on other occasions to others. I am tired of hearing about it. I turn my cheek so much with her comments. I am not sure how much more of it I can take or tune out. Do you not think I should say anything to her? First, you need to have open communication about it with your H more often. GET HIM ON YOUR SIDE. Next time she said it, you tell her that the baby is yours and you can parent the way you want and she can't do anything about it because she didn't carry that child for 9 months, did she? Once again, your H has the right to get into this, so get him on your side. Once he is on your side, NO ONE can say anything unless you're breaking the law.
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