Unexpected break up and bitter revenge

[Its.not.too.late]

Hello all on here. I'd first like to introduce myself. My name is Brandon and here is my story... Maybe you can give me some advice.

 

It all started 8yrs ago. I met this girl online and we dated a year and half. I broke up with her to be with a girl in person. It was a civil ending. Five years later, I get in contact finally after three years of trying. We talked and began our relationship all over again.

 

One thing led to another and I was locked up for no insurance (long story but my mom kept my money I gave her) my girlfriend bailed me out. There after, I saved up as much as I could to fly to California to be with her. I stayed at her house for four months until I was sent to Job Corps. During those 4 months, by her personal decision she took care of a 2grand debt as an effort to keep me from going back to jail and lose the chance at an education.

 

Once in job corps (I convienced her to join as well) things were ok. She loaned me three thousand for year's worth in child support. She then started to spend more and more, however our relationship was great. We were in love and happy. Well I completed job corps where she (with my help) bought a car. It's for us both.

 

A month passes and I'm finding myself near homelessness... I get a place to stay, but little did I know what I was getting into. My roommate turns out to be a serious drug addict. I became trapped. My girlfriend and I shelled out est. $11,500 for his extortions.

 

As she started to realize how the money is lost, things change between us two. She starts to have panic attacks, anger fits and suicidal tendencies. I never once left her side. As things got worse, she began to take out her angers on me. I was always the reason or the one blamed and taken out on. It honestly pushed me away. I became less affectionate and being around her I found myself mostly irritated.

 

Countless time I have tried to express how I felt and what I saw was going on. It mostly ended in her venting, yelling, blaming and threatening. I never got through to her. Things would be great, and other times be plain terrible. I just kept with it because I had hope.

 

Recently she's been under a lot of stress. She's at job corps, in college, and concerned about me at that house and other finances. I been working and paying my bills but I can't pay all of hers. Well she made new friends and she actually seemed to be happier. We were better, until Saturday night.

 

We was at the mall after I got off work. I was walking around in a crowded utah Halloween event. I started to get a headache which turned to a mild migraine. She wanted to prance around in stores with scents that I know would make it worse. Well, she was like whatever. Once in the car, I asked her what she wanted to do next. I wasn't feeling well so I guess I came off rude. She then starts telling me how I screwed everything up, how I'm never there for her and that I'm selfish and many other insulting comments my mind wishes not to call. Upon dropping her off, she said "it's strictly business"

 

The next day was rather good. She appoligised and we made up. Talked and listened to each other. It was a relief. For some reason I couldn't hear from her that night. I was concerned.

 

Come Monday morning, I call and she said something happened but didn't want to talk about it. I respected her.. Well I got off work and called her. She blew up in my face and had her friend Joe text me. He said that its over.

 

I confronted my girl in suprising question. Appearantly I'm not a fighter (MMA), into action sports, that I'm a child and so dependent I'm not worthy to be called a man and that she rather be with this other guy. He does anything she wants and expects absolutely nothing in return where I supposedly expected her to pay for everything (I just wanted her to help with her phone bill, insurance bill, and other expenses). All night last night it was about how he's so much better and how pathetic I am how I always treated her poorly.

 

Today, she calls me and puts me on speaker and humiliates me. I said why do you have to embarass and intentionally bring pain to my shattered heart. "you deserve to suffer"

 

Here are some things that could be a reason to this. My ex always battled popularity and Joe introduced her to a world of new friends at Job Corps. According to her, Sunday she was molested and this Joe guy jumped her attacker. Now she has said she's with him because he "actually protects" her. She has without conscious acknowledgement taken out all her issues on me, blamed me and told others how worthless I am. The so-called-friends could have pulled her away from our relationship and turned her against me.

 

Out of the nine years ive known her, this all has not been who she is. Job corps changed her. (living in there is like the drama of high school set in a false alternative reality. I know because I was there for 7 months) the other thing I noticed was her changes ever since my roommate tricked her out of 11.5grand.

 

Sigh... I love her and I know I done wrong by being distant, but I couldn't help not showing love when I felt abused emotionally. I just want her back, want what we had back. She insists I am the one who needs to grow up and change. I just can't take this. Being without her is like living without a purpose. Hell, I gave her a $600 engagement ring! Im just lost because she's all I have here in Utah seeing I left my life behind in Georgia before I moved with her in California.

 

What should I do and what do you think is going on?

 

Thank you and sorry about the long post..

-Luke

[strength-abounds]

Welcome to LS. For starter's, are you Brandon or Luke? Maybe I just read your post incorrectly.

 

Be prepared for the harsh advice that's coming your way about your post. The critism may be harsh but no truer words will be spoken to you. Heed the advice given to you here at LS. It will be for your own good.

 

You asked what you should do. My advice is to grow up and stop being a burden to your women. After reading your post, all I saw was excuses why your XGF spent 11.5 grand on you and nothing about how you intended to repay her the money. I will not agree with her embarrassing you as she did, that was uncalled for. However, I can understand her feelings about the money issue. Women in general do not like taking care of a man. Yes, they're women out there that care for their SO but usually they're married or have been together since Christ was a corporal. It's time to put your big boy pants, man-up, and accept that you had an integral role in this break-up.

 

I've chastised you long enough, now I want to build you up. Take this break-up as a wake up call. Get that schooling, take what you learned in the Job Corp, and go and make a good life for yourself. It's you against the world and you if don't fight back, the world will kick the s**t out of you everytime.

 

I apologize for the constructive criticism but sometimes it takes an objective viewpoint to get a point across. Again, welcome to LS.

 

Good Luck to you and God Bless.

[Its.not.too.late]

My name is Brandon Luke Taylor. I may not have mentioned it, but I have every intention to pay her back for the money she borrowed me, but the 11.5grand she lost to my roommate was not my responsibility. She willfully gave it to him with the promise of repayment. I done nothing but be there for her as much as I possibly could. I know I made poor decisions and mistakes, I probably deserve majority of this. I have learned alot from this separation however what I don't understand is why her behavior suddenly changed ever since Joe came into her life.. Could it have been her being molested? Im sorry, but I respectfully admit my faults and thank you for your opinion.

[strength-abounds]

My name is Brandon Luke Taylor. I may not have mentioned it, but I have every intention to pay her back for the money she borrowed me, but the 11.5grand she lost to my roommate was not my responsibility. She willfully gave it to him with the promise of repayment. I done nothing but be there for her as much as I possibly could. I know I made poor decisions and mistakes, I probably deserve majority of this. I have learned alot from this separation however what I don't understand is why her behavior suddenly changed ever since Joe came into her life.. Could it have been her being molested? Im sorry, but I respectfully admit my faults and thank you for your opinion.

 

Well sir, it's refreshing to know that you have accepted your role in this breakup. That's the first step to moving on. Whenever a relationship fails, both parties are responsible in some fashion.

 

This Joe guy is probably nothing but a bandage to cover up the hurt your X is going through right now (rebound). Generally speaking, rebounds never last long. There is nothing that you can do right now to bring her back. You need to say that outloud to yourself and accept it.

 

If you want her back, then you need to fix YOU! When I say fix you, I mean reflect on how the relationship was in the good and the bad times. Narrow down the bad things and find out how to fix them. If you make enough positive changes, she will find out. Even if you don't know how, she's going to know about them. This will spark an interest in what's going with you and she will reach out as soon as she's done rebounding with Joe.

 

The most important thing to remember IF there is a 2 chance is to treat this chance LIKE A NEW RELATIONSHIP. The relationship you had with her is gone.

 

Keep in mind that 2 chance romances have an extremely high mortality rate. BUT. If the changes you have made are truly changes and the 2 chance fails, you will be better prepared for the next relationship.

 

I wish you the best of luck. IMO, everyone deserves a second chance and this includes you, brother. Good Luck and God Speed.

[Its.not.too.late]

My friends have been communicating with her and details been relayed back at me. They say she feels I used her (I can respect this and honestly see why) she says that I expected her to pay for anything and she didn't understand how I asked her to help out on bills that she utilizes. She believes I was never there to be there every time she yelled at me and that I'm apparently to dependent. She's referring me to her first serious ex.

 

My friends also said that while at Job Corps, she was a "nobody" and so she started to wear make-up and provocative clothing to gain attention but also she cannot stand females as friends. Eventually it lead to her being known as a slut on campus.

 

They also say she acts guilty for doing this but Joe has indeed convinced her I'm such a terrible person and despite him just turning 18, being homeless once he finishes the program and that he's a junior MMA fighter, she said that he tells her how much better he is than I.

 

Shosh calls and texts me periodically to see how I am. She talks and even calls me her pet names, says she still holds onto the ring and acts like she still did before all this, but it turns to avoidance, anger and revenge. There are mixed signals.

 

Maybe it's not exactly me who needs to change seeing I'm doing all she's requested (getting an education, getting on meds, working full time, and finding a new place to live) maybe she's confused about herself and needs to figure things out. I'm praying it's a phase because I know she still has something for me, but I sense that it's being repressed. I'm not sure

 

I hope whatever outcome this has, I hope that we both realize our mistakes. I'm more than willing to address them, now its her turn. Guess I gotta tough it out until then.

[strength-abounds]

As messed up as this is going to sound, her being angry and resentful towards IS A GOOD THING. That means there is still emotions there. The line between love and hate is very very very thin. Wait it out and see. Just don't chase her. Let her come to you.

[Nemicron]

That totally sucks dude. Sounds kinda how my ex turned out like when she joined the military. I'm sorry you've had to go through that but in all honesty. I personally feel thats how most women are. I dont know how to help you on that one. Even as hurtful as it might be I'd have to say you gotta move on. Somehow and change your number. Once people start doing that kind of crap. Its hard to see how to find a clear path with them.

[Its.not.too.late]

Thank you... Thank you both so very much. This is a dark time but yet I still breathe. Guess what doesnt kill me makes me stronger.

[strength-abounds]

You're right dude. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

You sound like a man that has tripped himself early in life. Hey, that's ok. Unless you have nail holes in your wrists, you're not perfect. Relax, breathe deeply, and focus on doing good things with your life. You only get one of those, brother. Make it count.

 

Good Luck and God Bless.