26.2 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 So I have been having some issues with the guy I'm dating in that he doesn't always respond and doesn't seem to initiate texting or calling too often. He has told me that is not and does not want to date or sleep with anyone other than me. We have slowly been growing closer and he has been introducing me to his oldest friends. He suffers from depression and seems to need time to himself every now and then. I have been with him the past two nights in a row and we agreed that we would see each other either tomorrow night or Thursday night. Anyway, I was going to leave him to himself tonight, but my car started acting strange in the rain today. The steering locked up and I had to struggle to get my car into a parking lot. I called him and he didn't answer, I texted too. I decided to just be brave and try to get myself home. The car was fine other than the service engine light is on now and it was making weird noises. I have since called and texted him again to let him know I got home safe and also to see if he had any ideas about what my cars problem might be (he helped me replace its battery about a month ago). Well now I am concerned about my car and relationship. He has still not called or texted me and its been nearly 4 hours. I really am not expecting constant communication, but I feel like car drama is something he should have responded to. Am I way off base?
Sabali Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Am I way off base? The base is not even in your zip code. 4 hours? 4 hours? After an exhaustive day of work, I can easily turn my phone off so I will not be disturbed and nap/sleep for 4 hours, especially if my insomnia kicked in the previous night. Can't a guy just escape the world for 4 measly hours?
carhill Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I can't help you with your relationship problem, but you may have sprung a leak in your power steering system and lost the fluid, or you're simply low on fluid. It sounds like you lost your power assist. Running the engine without oil in the pump reservoir can cause the pump to seize due to heat, which will cause a screeching noise as the drive belt slips over the frozen pump pulley. Anyway, now you know who my exW relied on during the decade of our M. Mr. Wizard In her case, she'd just call me; I'd tell her to call AAA and get the transporter out and bring the car back to the shop and I'd fix it. Personally, I'd guard against dating moody, depressed guys. We need people in our lives who we can count on, just like they count on us. It's a two-way street. Hope it works out.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 When it comes to a stranded woman and a broken car, even the iciest male heart will melt and be there in a heartbeat. That it doest phase this guy that you were out there stranded like that and hasnt gotten back to you is pretty rough. Id be really, really wary.
musemaj11 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 When it comes to a stranded woman and a broken car, even the iciest male heart will melt and be there in a heartbeat. That it doest phase this guy that you were out there stranded like that and hasnt gotten back to you is pretty rough. Id be really, really wary. Yeah, and how would you know that the guy actually saw the text message?
Sabali Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I wouldn't be quick to judge the guy. We just don't know what situation he is in. For example, I work in an area mostly where I either do not get a cellphone signal or can't use my cellphone. Sometimes I walk in other areas where I will suddenly get a signal and find out someone had left me a message several hours ago.
Author 26.2 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 about 2 months maybe a little longer.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Well...I guess then it depends. If it is something like a lot of you are saying where he is also the sort to have bad reception, or turns his phone off often and such, then I woudlnt give it a second thought. But if hes the sort to reply to messages unless hes in a funk, which is the impression I got from the OP, then yeah, I really do think that would suck.
Author 26.2 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Well it's nearly 10:30 am here and he still hasn't called. Something that just crosses my mind... yesterday morning before I left he took a phone call but he went into the bathroom with the door closed to talk. I could easily hear the convo, and it would be silly for him to think I couldn't from where I was. It sounded like he was talking to his buddy, but then again, why would he have gone into the bathroom to do so? He was telling whoever that he was free most of the day yesterday after his class. But he asked if they had talked to a mutual guy friend. That's why I assumed it was one of the boys. Right before I left, he told me that he should probably concentrate on school work all day (that was yesterday). I feel like, at this point, he may have been making plans with another girl despite the fact that he plans to see me almost every day this week. What should I think???
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Yeah, Im having a hard time giving this guy the benefit of a doubt and just figuring its bad reception or he just has his phone off. Ive learned that gut feeling and intuition are pretty valid and worth paying attention to... I think if you have a bad feeling about this then confront him. Not in a accusatory way or anything, just ask whats going on.
Author 26.2 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I sent him a text an hour ago saying: "I'm really wondering why you haven't at least texted me back. I don't need you to be all over me all the time, but I was having car problems last night. Couldn't you have called real quick to make sure I was ok? This is really bothering me now." I haven't gotten a response. Perhaps that sounded accusatory, but I was just trying to be honest with my feelings. At this point in the relationship, after having discussed exclusivity and him telling me point blank that he only wants me, I feel like I should be able to express myself a little more. My thoughts are, he's either with someone else, lost his phone, or avoiding me for some unknown reason (which doesn't really make sense considering that he made plans with me for today/tomorrow). Thoughts?
carhill Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Thoughts? Yep. Get the car fixed and black hole him for now. His next action or inaction will be indicative of his potential. In real life, this is when I usually enter. Lady going 'ugh' but in a relationship. Glad I'm older and on the sidelines now
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I second carhill... Youve reached out to him twice now with no response. I wouldnt say anything else to him until he responds, and try not to think too much about it. I personally have issues with snowballing an issue in my mind and working myself into a frenzy. Dont be like me LoL
Author 26.2 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Thanks a bunch for the advice guys! Yeah, Returntosender, I'm a major snowballer. But I do also believe in intuition. This is sucking! Especially since last night I ran into a guy who I was talking to prior to W and I going exclusive. He asked if he could take me out (he's aware of the issues I've had with W) and I told him that we were indeed together and that I'm committed now. So with all my eggs in one basket, now he pulls this. Fanfreakintastic, you know what I mean?!
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Oh I know... And you know, I wish I had listened more to intuition way back when. He had so many free passes because I always gave him the benefit of a doubt when I had a doubt. As it turned out, whenever I had a doubt it was for a reason... If I had at least spoken up or made it clear I knew something was up, we would have reached the point where hed know he cant just do whatever and get away with everything, and he would have had a lot more respect for me for not putting up with all the shady behavior. I always felt like I should have proof or just wait and see cause it might be nothing, but when I stopped caring about that and started calling him out on someting based on my gut feeling, 100% of the time I was right and hed confess to something I didnt even have a clue about. He literally just gave up trying to get anything past me cause he realized he cant. That was really the point where he started treating me with more respect. I really wish I had wised up and we couldve reached this point while we were still together.
TaurusTerp Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Or maybe how you treat your boyfriends like potential shoplifters in your store grates on them. I've had similar situations happen to me - I left my phone at home for a day, and came back to see increasingly desperate text and voice messages. Broke up with them within a week. Who needs that sort of crap so early in the relationship?
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Its one thing to be clingy and desperate... But two text messages in 12 hours isnt the same as several calls, voicemail and text messages over the course of a day. Is is really?
Jannah Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Its one thing to be clingy and desperate... But two text messages in 12 hours isnt the same as several calls, voicemail and text messages over the course of a day. Is is really? It was actually two phone calls and three texts within a 12 hour period, following this: I have been with him the past two nights in a row and we agreed that we would see each other either tomorrow night or Thursday night. If she doesn't hear back from him come Thursday, then I understand why her blood would start to boil... I agree that if she were having car trouble, and he purposely ignored it, that would be a douchebag move on his part. But we don't know what happened -yet, so, all we can do is speculate at this point.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Oooh..ok yeah got it. Im also operating under the mindset of my last two ex's who are glued to their phones, so if that much time went by Id know for sure they just werent getting back to me. But of course not everyone is like that...case in point, I have a realllly bad habit of letting my phone discharge and not realize it til I try to call someone, and then realize ohhhhh thats why no one has called me all day LoL
LoveTNT Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 If this is not what you want in a man, then you need to move on. He's not even your boyfriend, come on. Yeah respect whatever he may be going through with depression etc. but if you can't deal with it then you shouldn't have too.
D-Lish Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I'd look after getting your car fixed instead of worrying about what he's thinking or doing. It's in the early stages of your relationship and your contacting him as much as you have since you left him could be construed as needy. He's surely gotten your messages and for some reason has chosen not to respond. Those aren't the actions of someone that is overly invested in a relationship. You have certain expectations about where you think things should be at after 2 months together- perhaps he's just not on the same page. The way to handle this is not to come on stronger asking for answers- it's actually a cue to pull back.
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