sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 (edited) So here I am at 42.. Sure it's just a number but let's face it. If I'm lucky I'm halfway through my life and wondering what the hell to do. In the last five years I've gotten married, lost my mother to cancer, been cheated on and divorced, buried my aunt and uncle, took care of my dad when his health failed and then said goodbye to him. Fixed up and sold the family home then bought one of my own. I've been in the same town most of my life. I've traveled a bit around the world thanks to my job. I've been at the same job for 13 years. It's a good job by most measures, particularly in this economy. But I'm just not into it anymore. Had a few relationships since the divorce that haven't worked out. Though I'm still a bit stuck on one woman. I'm not mentioning these things as a pity party just as background. It's taken until now for me to deal with all the grief and stress and I feel I'm now on the other side of it. I know I need to meet some new friends because most of mine are in a different stage of life. Married with children etc etc. It's not quite as simple as it was back in my 20's. It's ironic, for years my life has been nothing but major changes that were mostly out of my control. Now I find myself needing or desiring change but I don't know what to do. Edited November 3, 2010 by sumdude
skydiveaddict Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 (edited) I'm sorry for what you've been through and I hope you are healing up. I'm kinda in the same situation as you, although you've faced many more hardships in your life than I have. If I were you,I would rush headlong into a new life and never look back, regardless of risk. Take up new activities and hobbies (you know which one I would suggest). Live like you only have one more day left. That's the only way to start your life over, which is what you have to do. Buy a motorcycle and join a bike club. You will also meet people at the gym. And working out will make you feel better about yourself. One more thing, you mentioned your age, it implied to me that you think you may be over the hill. You're not, I am ten years older than you and am still a combat engineer in the Nat'l Guard. Edited November 3, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I'm sorry for what you've been through and I hope you are healing up. I'm kinda in the same situation as you, although you've faced many more hardships in your life than I have. If I were you,I would rush headlong into a new life and never look back, regardless of risk. Take up new activities and hobbies (you know which one I would suggest). Live like you only have one more day left. That's the only way to start your life over, which is what you have to do. I forgot, buy a motorcycle and join a bike club. You will also meet people at the gym. And working out will make you feel better about yourself. Thanks for the kind words. Though I've been through these things they are something most people go through in life. I just happened to hit them them in rapid succession. As far as starting my life over. My life today barely resembles what it was. But you're right, I need to take some new risks. LOL skydiving.. sure why not but it's not like a burning desire. Though I can see some value in jumping out of a perfectly good airplane just to say I did it. What I need more than that though is a better sense of direction. Nothing wrong with going for the rush of a challenge like that but it's fleeting.
skydiveaddict Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 What I need more than that though is a better sense of direction. Nothing wrong with going for the rush of a challenge like that but it's fleeting. It's NOT fleeting. You have no idea how many new friends I've made skydiving. It becomes a whole new social network. I was just posting on this same subject the other night. We have parties, bbq's, hit the town, take mini vacations to other places, you will meet tons of new people. Same for biking (motorcycles). But it doesn't have to be jumping or bikes. Any interest you have in life can lead there. You just have to take that first step
Author sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Well I don't think I'm over the hill at all. But I do have a new appreciation of how fleeting life is. I think I get the real point you're making. It's human nature to want to be part of a community. Now that a lot of my family is gone or otherwise spread out and my long time friends are still my friends but have very different lives and interests now than 15 years ago I'm feeling a bit of a vacuum in that part of life. So the change has to come from within. Slip the surly bonds of the past so to speak. In reality, I almost feel I have too much freedom if that's possible. strange..
skydiveaddict Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 In reality, I almost feel I have too much freedom if that's possible. strange.. It might be because of the loss of your marriage? I don't know, never been there, just a guess. At any rate, it doesn't seem strange. I hate being alone.
Author sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 It might be because of the loss of your marriage? I don't know, never been there, just a guess. At any rate, it doesn't seem strange. I hate being alone. Sure that's a part of it. I lost the three most important people in my life. My mom, dad and the ex wife. So yeah, I'm feeling a little alone in the world even though I'm over the grief.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I think Sky has given some good advice for you. All your recent tribulations have put you at the mercy of the world's capricious nature, now that you are free with your time you don't know what to do... you will have to find what you want for yourself. Find an activity you enjoy that will help you meet people. For me it's rock climbing. It has been immensely helpful for socializing and having an escape from life. Big changes (of the positive kind) usually take time and work to occur. New friends, relationships and hobbies require you to put yourself out there and invest time.
Author sumdude Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Yes it's all good ideas. Not like I just sit around the house all night. I play in a band so I get out a lot. However at a gig you would think it's easy..but I'm usually so busy that there's really no time for socializing. I work out pretty regularly but I guess some gyms aren't really that social. Most people seem to just go workout and then get out. I've had to do this before... just getting tired of restarting over and over.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I've had to do this before... just getting tired of restarting over and over. I hear ya.
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