jazzpur Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 i need a female perspective long story short... theres a girl ive been friends with for a few years and occasinally had sex with(once or twice every couple of months) we can literally have a 4 hour convo every time we talk... so its not just sex but the sex is great, she loves it, i love it. she recently brought up some feelings for me... how shes really into me but doesnt think she could get a guy like me as a boyfriend. its just that im in a period right now where i want to be single and date a few people, nothing serious...call me selfish, a d*ckhead, whaterver you want...im not looking for an exclusive relationship at the moment. ever since she brought up the "feelings", we make plans to hang out (her initiating half the time) she always flakes on me and has an excuse everytime.... shes flaked out about 6 times in the past two months. one time she didnt flake, we went out and had a great time.... and yes we had sex. she texted me the next day to do it again, and of coarse flaked out. she does however still reach out to me first most of the time. now what im looking for is opinions from females... i know this all comes down to feelings, but i really want a female to explain what goes on in your head in such a situation. what are these feelings... i know its very ignorant, but my male hormones make it hard to relate.... but if a girl i was sexually attracted wanted to be friends and have sex, and not a relationship, id still continue doing it
Alexanda Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 She has developed feelings before you because she has been releasing oxytocin which makes her feel all warm and fuzzy with you and it makes her feel close to you. It probably hurts her to know that you dont want to be with her or that you will never be with her. So she has been flaking out on you. Its hard to have sex with a guy that you are just "friends" with and not develop some kind of feelings towards him. Have you made it clear to her that you are not interested in being in an exclusive relationship with her? I bet she is trying to forget about you, but cant.
bac Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Male's primary biological drive is to get laid, preferably as much as possible. That is why you would be fine with FWBs. It is your male's priority to get sex. Females's primary biological drive is to develop emotional attachment (love) with a male. Sure, to achieve the goal a female should get laid with a male to make him get attached to her. I do not know anything about your girl's sex drive, but it is secondary for many women compare to their emotional needs for love, respect and self-worth. If she is your FWBs, she deprives herself from her basic emotional needs. She feels that she is defective, humiliated, not worthy of love and exclusivity. She feels no respect for herself because she lets a guy to use her as an object (a slut) for sex. In other words, FWBs situation breaks her emotional balance and gives her the exact opposite of what her primary biological drive tells her to do. Therefore, she experiences low self-esteem, depression and hopelessness.
Knittress Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I agree with this ^ , caveat 'not all women/men are the same.'
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