Charliesangel21 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Ok, newly single and new to the dating scene so am worried my thinking may be a bit outdated/too traditional and would like some advice (haven't really dated since the 90's): I met man that I really like about a month or so ago. We've been out 3 times and he has initiated all the dates/calls and almost all texts. Our last date was Sunday and we texted back and forth today. We are both mid-to-late 30's; still getting to know each other. Is it alright for me to say - "hey, what are you up to this weekend?" or should I wait for a cue from him? May seem like a silly question but...I want to see him, don't want to blow it. Thanks!
anne1707 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'm surprised. This seems to be a complete turnaround from your previous thread where you were complaining about him not calling you as often as you wanted and that you were not returning his calls. What's changed? Or is this someone else you are seeing as well?
Author Charliesangel21 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Hi there - Same guy/same situation. I took the advice I saw here and then took an honest look at my thinking/behavior. I was being possessive/controlling, just didn't realize it. I was also getting only advice from sister who is tough on people and sort of got me all worked up about things and what "should" be happening. I needed another viewpoint which I'm thankful for. Like I said, I am newly single so don't quite get all the rules yet. BTW, only didn't return call once - and I admit that was stupid, childish. So, I went on date Sunday and had a great time. Now, just not sure what to do next...thanks for listening.
anne1707 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Good to see you listened - it must have seemed a bit harsh I know there are some on here who will say leave it to the man etc but I think if you have a had a few dates and it is all going well then why shouldn't the woman suggest the next date. After all, the man wants to know he is wanted just as much as the woman does
EasyHeart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 After only 3 dates, I'd suggest leaving the asking to him. But you might want to drop a hint every now and then -- mention upcoming events that you want to go to (concerts, sporting events, art exhibits, parties, whatever it is you enjoy) or places you want to go (new restaurants) and give him a chance to ask you to go there. If it's done subtly, that technique can be very effective.
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 All women on here will tell you to never ask him out ever. However I think most guys would actually believe it or not like it, especcally since he has already initiated the first 3 dates.
anne1707 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 All women on here will tell you to never ask him out ever. However I think most guys would actually believe it or not like it, especcally since he has already initiated the first 3 dates. Errmm... I refer you to my post above
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 After only 3 dates, I'd suggest leaving the asking to him. But you might want to drop a hint every now and then -- mention upcoming events that you want to go to (concerts, sporting events, art exhibits, parties, whatever it is you enjoy) or places you want to go (new restaurants) and give him a chance to ask you to go there. If it's done subtly, that technique can be very effective. Why? Most men(there are exceptions offcourse) wouldn't mind it at all if they got asked out by the woman they are dating, most men would probably like it and you are delusional if you think otherwise. He has asked her out 3 times already, why should he do all the work?
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 After all, the man wants to know he is wanted just as much as the woman does Women don't understand this.
anne1707 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Women don't understand this. But I'm a woman and I posted this - so how are you going to twist that?
EasyHeart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Okay, I am changing my answer: After only 3 dates, unless you are dating waynebrady, I'd suggest leaving the asking to him. But you might want to drop a hint every now and then -- mention upcoming events that you want to go to (concerts, sporting events, art exhibits, parties, whatever it is you enjoy) or places you want to go (new restaurants) and give him a chance to ask you to go there. If it's done subtly, that technique can be very effective.
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Okay, I am changing my answer: After only 3 dates, unless you are dating waynebrady, I'd suggest leaving the asking to him. But you might want to drop a hint every now and then -- mention upcoming events that you want to go to (concerts, sporting events, art exhibits, parties, whatever it is you enjoy) or places you want to go (new restaurants) and give him a chance to ask you to go there. If it's done subtly, that technique can be very effective. I have seen alot of guys say they would like it if the woman asked them out sometime, infact I have never seen a guy say they wouldn't like it. You are kidding youself if you think the man wouldn't like it if she asked him out.
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Okay, I am changing my answer: After only 3 dates, unless you are dating waynebrady, I'd suggest leaving the asking to him. But you might want to drop a hint every now and then -- mention upcoming events that you want to go to (concerts, sporting events, art exhibits, parties, whatever it is you enjoy) or places you want to go (new restaurants) and give him a chance to ask you to go there. If it's done subtly, that technique can be very effective. Give me one good reason as to why it's wrong for a woman to ask a guy out after 3 dates, and could you also explain what would be so horrible if she did ask him out. I have seen tons of other guys who would disagree with you so it's not just me, so let's hear´it.
Author Charliesangel21 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Thanks for the replies - this is great. You've all given me a lot to think about so I'm going to sleep on it and decide tomorrow. Having a hard time reading this guy - he seems very interested at times, then not. I feel like I am on a pendulum between working hard to keep his interest then telling myself I don't care so screw it....feels like we are both playing games and that is not what I want so I'm doing my best to be straight with him. This all seems very messed up - I definitely need some therapy. Annie 1707 - yes, the feedback here did seem harsh at the time and I was kind of pissed (can I say that on here?) but I'm nothing if not humble. I get it when I mess up & I admit I don't always know the best way. I am so grateful for the advice of others. Thanks again for all replies.
anne1707 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Annie 1707 - yes, the feedback here did seem harsh at the time and I was kind of pissed (can I say that on here?) but I'm nothing if not humble. I get it when I mess up & I admit I don't always know the best way. I am so grateful for the advice of others. Ah the joys of LS. If you come here with a problem, you stand a chance of getting bashed. But if you toughen up and listen, you can learn (definitely speaking from experience here ). And yes, you can say pissed (in moderation )
D-Lish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 It depends on the guy and how things are going. If I know someone is into me, I don't mind asking them to do something. When it's early, and I am unsure, I usually leave it up to them to do the asking. If a guy demonstrates hot and cold behaviour, or sporadic contact- I'll always leave it up to him. Contrary to what some men like, I have male friends in the late 30's age group that still hold traditional values. One of my room mates is single, and he enjoys doing the chasing initially. My other room mate is really shy, and he said he got together with his wife because she was persistent in chasing him. If this guy is demonstrating solid interest, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask him to do something. If you're still at that stage where he's being unpredictable with his calls and you aren't sure of his interest- then I'd wait a bit before you ask him out for the first time.
carhill Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Is it alright for me to say - "hey, what are you up to this weekend?" IMO, absolutely. If he has a quick wit, that could turn into a pretty interesting conversation Enjoy!
alphamale Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 We've been out 3 times and he has initiated all the dates/calls and almost all texts. why don't you initiate something like a romantic candlelight supper at your crib?
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