Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I have no idea where this perception that in terms of dating women get to take a buffet approach comes from. It's simply not true from what I see. Look at this logically. When a woman responds positively to my advances there is a really high chance that she likes me. Yes, I must face some rejection. However I face rejection constantly in all aspects of my life and I have learned to handle it. For a woman when she recieves advances from a man it could mean anything from game playing, to him wanting a one nighter, all the way to him wanting a relationship. How can she tell? That would be insanely frustrating to me. Plus if you get it wrong or find he lied... it hurts way worse than some small rejection right at the start. Next, the guys who approach are not always what you may want or even when you may want it. I was at a bar some time back and this big... I mean really big 6'2" 300-400lbs woman came up to me while I was getting drinks for me and my friends. She started to give me a back massage... which was uncomfortable. I went to make some small talk so I could tell her I'm not interested nicely... but mid conversation she grabs my hand and starts to massage it... popping my thumb in the process. It hurt like crazy, so I just cut to the chase and told her I'm not interested. She got upset and yelled at me... told me to stick to the skinny girls. My thumb still hurts sometimes! I imagine that must be how many women feel being aggressively approached by some guy they have no interest in. Additionally... for the most part I get to choose the women I approach. Yeah some might turn me away... but can select anyone I want. I would much rather be able to go after whatever I want than to be forced to sit back and wait. The only thing I'm not a super huge fan of is that I would like more courtesy when a woman isn't interested in another date. Don't order a bottle of $100 wine, the steak and lobster... then not return a phonecall. It's rude and I see it happen a lot. Otherwise for all you males who are jealous of the dating process for the fairer sex. Really put some thought into it. You should be happy with what you have.
donnamaybe Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Oh oh! Now you'll be accused of "sucking up" to the LS women, UT. You're right, though, and then in addition to women having to wonder what a guy's REAL intentions are ('cause we all know SOME of 'em are just looking for more notches on the bedpost), there's the derogatory remarks that are sure to follow any type of intimacy in a non-committed situation.
Sarah1977 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Wow, thanks for this. I kinda want to date you now.
Jannah Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Thank you UF.... I would also like to include, PMS, Menopause and Child Birth to the list of difficulties us women have to endure both physically and emotionally.
donnamaybe Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Oh oh! Now you'll be accused of "sucking up" to the LS women, UT. You're right, though, and then in addition to women having to wonder what a guy's REAL intentions are ('cause we all know SOME of 'em are just looking for more notches on the bedpost), there's the derogatory remarks that are sure to follow any type of intimacy in a non-committed situation. Why do I keep f'ing up your initials?
redliner Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I wouldn't say a buffet approach but more like a passive one.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Oh oh! Now you'll be accused of "sucking up" to the LS women, UT. You're right, though, and then in addition to women having to wonder what a guy's REAL intentions are ('cause we all know SOME of 'em are just looking for more notches on the bedpost), there's the derogatory remarks that are sure to follow any type of intimacy in a non-committed situation. I think if they are that jealous of how women have it... then I can suggest a plastic surgeon who can give them the opportunity to experience it first hand. Two things frustrate me to death about my male friends. First are guys who despite being overweight, bald, with no career... believe they are supposed to date supermodels and refuse to consider quality women. Grrrr!!!! Second are guys who complain about how women get all this attention on dating websites... or at bars. As if I'd want some woman to come over and grab my nuts on the dance floor when my GF uses the restroom. I mean if your so afraid of rejection... how would a guy like that function in other aspects of life. Like a ship that just sits in the harbor afraid to sail.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Why do I keep f'ing up your initials? Same reason I keep thinking that you do it on purpose. UnTouchable.... UT.
AD1980 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Men can be used for free dinners or rebounds as well or just given fake numbers Ill still take the position of power of being approached and filtering who want to give a chance and who i dont.. Granted women arent attracted to me so if i was an attractive Man who did well with women maybe i wouldnt be so hesistant to put myself out there and would care less about the rules..
tigressA Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I would much rather be able to go after whatever I want than to be forced to sit back and wait. This is the one thing I don't agree with in your post. Whoever said that women are "forced to sit back and wait" instead of go after what they want? Otherwise, solid points.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Men can be used for free dinners or rebounds as well or just given fake numbers Ill still take the position of power of being approached and filtering who want to give a chance and who i dont.. Granted women arent attracted to me so if i was an attractive Man who did well with women maybe i wouldnt be so hesistant to put myself out there and would care less about the rules.. I can come home from the bar with a pocket full of numbers... so what if 1 or two are fake. As for rebounds and free dinners... Yeah the free dinner thing sucks, but we can use women for rebounds just as often. My good friend has just rebounded from his rebound girl. Filtering is not where the power lies. Why do you think all these companies are paying TONS of money to hire recruiters? You think the interviewer has all the power? They rarely get to control who applies. Yes they make the selection... but seriously.... who is truthful on a resume? It sucks being HR. So women are not attracted to you? What kind of women are you approaching?
AD1980 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 So women are not attracted to you? What kind of women are you approaching? I dont know what kind of women because i know nothing about them before i approach I just try to hit on women im attracted to
GoodOnPaper Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Two things frustrate me to death about my male friends. First are guys who despite being overweight, bald, with no career... believe they are supposed to date supermodels and refuse to consider quality women. Grrrr!!!! I'm curious -- what are the qualities of these "quality women" and why would they be interested in the George Costanzas of the world? While I wouldn't necessarily say that women have it easy, my single life would have been MUCH less stressful if I could have taken it for granted that at least some women would be attracted to me at any given time. The cold-call approaching and trying to read non-existent signs of interest loses its allure pretty quickly if you are not very successful. Then it becomes a game of taking what you can get even if you are the approacher.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 This is the one thing I don't agree with in your post. Whoever said that women are "forced to sit back and wait" instead of go after what they want? Otherwise, solid points. No... your not forced, but if you chase a guy... your going to come across as desperate. If your one of those hyper aggressive girls that likes to break thumbs in bars, your either going to always be wondering why he rarely calls... or trying to figure out why he isn't putting in any effort.
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Women never have to take any initiatives, Women never have to put in any effort, Women never have to risk rejection... Men have to initiate every date, every phone call, every contact not just in the beggining but in most cases all the time. Men have to do all the chasing and do all the work while the woman doesn't do anything. Since men also desire women more than women desire men, most women who are even semi-attractive will get approached alot... Shure not all who aproach them will be good. But some will so women just have to sit back and choose without putting in any effort. I know it can be annoying sometimes for them to get approached by men they have no intrest in. But what do you think is better, get approached too often by the opposite sex or never? Men never get approached by women... and you think it's hard for women to get approached to often by men. That's a luxury problem.
bayouboi Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I know it can be annoying sometimes for them to get approached by men they have no intrest in. But what do you think is better, get approached too often by the opposite sex or never? Men never get approached by women... and you think it's hard for women to get approached to often by men. That's a luxury problem. Exactly this. The OP's premise is laughable and just as the one poster above predicted I will toss my opinion out that the OP is either a female masquerading as a male trying to garner sympathy or for whatever reason kissing up to the female LS posters.
AD1980 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 While I wouldn't necessarily say that women have it easy, my single life would have been MUCH less stressful if I could have taken it for granted that at least some women would be attracted to me at any given time. The cold-call approaching and trying to read non-existent signs of interest loses its allure pretty quickly if you are not very successful. Then it becomes a game of taking what you can get even if you are the approacher. I agree, i think the guys sucessful with women really take for granted how it is for us who cant attract women and think theyre methods should work for anyone They act like all Men just go after the women they like and get a decent amount which isnt the case for some of us
Pyro Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Exactly this. The OP's premise is laughable and just as the one poster above predicted I will toss my opinion out that the OP is either a female masquerading as a male trying to garner sympathy or for whatever reason kissing up to the female LS posters. FTR my ex was the one who approached me at a bar one night. I agree, i think the guys sucessful with women really take for granted how it is for us who cant attract women and think theyre methods should work for anyone They act like all Men just go after the women they like and get a decent amount which isnt the case for some of us no one method will work on every female. I think that is part to blame on so much of the bitterness towards the entire female population.
donnamaybe Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 No... your not forced, but if you chase a guy... your going to come across as desperate. If your one of those hyper aggressive girls that likes to break thumbs in bars, your either going to always be wondering why he rarely calls... or trying to figure out why he isn't putting in any effort. Why is it an either-or situation? Can't a woman just be assertive without being a "thumb breaker?"
Pyro Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 No... your not forced, but if you chase a guy... your going to come across as desperate. just like a guy it all depends on how much you try. Anyone can try without going overboard to the point of desperation.
waynebrady Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 This is the one thing I don't agree with in your post. Whoever said that women are "forced to sit back and wait" instead of go after what they want? Otherwise, solid points. Women "force" it upon themselves to sit back and wait because it's alot easier than having to do what men do which is to take all the initiatives and do all the work. Most women will get approached alot by men. The vast majority of all Men will never get approached by a woman, ever. It's easy for women to get into a relationship because you have options all the time, all you need to do is choose, men like women more than women like men so it's simple really... Most men who are not rich or famous or super succesfull will have to work hard to get a woman and face rejection over and over again.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Women never have to take any initiatives, Women never have to put in any effort, Women never have to risk rejection... Men have to initiate every date, every phone call, every contact not just in the beggining but in most cases all the time. Men have to do all the chasing and do all the work while the woman doesn't do anything. Since men also desire women more than women desire men, most women who are even semi-attractive will get approached alot... Shure not all who aproach them will be good. But some will so women just have to sit back and choose without putting in any effort. I know it can be annoying sometimes for them to get approached by men they have no intrest in. But what do you think is better, get approached too often by the opposite sex or never? Men never get approached by women... and you think it's hard for women to get approached to often by men. That's a luxury problem. Wayne here is the deal. Being rejected isn't that big of a deal. It happens to every guy. Even Brad Pitt probably gets rejected... mostly by his wife I assume... but the point is that it's something every guy faces to some degree. Your sitting back and looking at your farm and just expecting the corn to grow. You have to put in the work to plant it.... and the good news is that YOU get to pick what kind of food to grow. Your complaint that women get this and women don't have to do that... ect. is just ridiculous guy! It's like complaining that your friend gets all the telemarketing calls. Well... sure they offer him all kinds of deals, but many are either not deals at all or just straight up scams. Seriously... if a woman approached you, you would not want her anyways.
EricaH329 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I have to agree with you UF! I must say, for the record, I do give men props. I'm not sure how I would handle being in their position. Having to approach in order to get dates, being rejected the majority of the time, etc. I think a man who can endure all of that, and still be happy to be a man and with a positive outlook, is someone definitely worth getting to know!! Having said that, it's also difficult for women. It's so easy to compare what each of us goes through, when we don't really have a clue what the other has to deal with. Words. That's all we have to describe it. I think if we were all open minded to the fact that other people have feelings and emotions, we could be more open to putting ourselves in the others shoes and treating them a bit nicer. I think both genders have it tough, but that's the price you pay when you decide you are ready to date.
Pyro Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I must say, for the record, I do give men props. I'm not sure how I would handle being in their position. Having to approach in order to get dates, being rejected the majority of the time, etc. I think a man who can endure all of that, and still be happy to be a man and with a positive outlook, is someone definitely worth getting to know!! Having said that, it's also difficult for women. It's so easy to compare what each of us goes through, when we don't really have a clue what the other has to deal with. Words. That's all we have to describe it. I think if we were all open minded to the fact that other people have feelings and emotions, we could be more open to putting ourselves in the others shoes and treating them a bit nicer. I think both genders have it tough, but that's the price you pay when you decide you are ready to date. exactly! can't everyone on here just agree that dating in general has its individual pros and cons for both genders? Neither side is going to win this debate.
Jannah Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Seriously... if a woman approached you, you would not want her anyways. Men would IF it were a woman they were attracted too. Which is the same thing, men would say about women being approached. In which case, both are true. I have to admit, I get discouraged when I hear men complain like women.
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