LuckyClover Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Why does seeing my xw's profile photo of her and her nm on fb still hurt? Why can't I be happy she's happy? I mean she really looks happy Shouldn't I be happy for her? Why do I constantly think of my xgf when I know she doesn't care? Why one second am I doing so good, happy to just exist and relax, and the next depressing over lost loves. I'm not their one. Why can't I get a grip of that fact and continue moving forward? Why am I so damn critical about who I date now? Whats with all this damn insecurity? I'm sick of being so cynical in my head when I meet someone new. Why do I feel like everyone is just using me and playing me like a game? It's not fair, but who cares. I put so much meaning into the thought of being in love with that one or someone at that matter. Why? Who said I had to love anyway. Why can't I be happy alone? I hate this pain.. I hate that one day I think I got it licked and then the next have it pop up regularly. Why do I feel alone when I know I'm not the only one with troubles. This life stuff doesn't make sense to me. I don't like it. I don't like how people treat others. Why do people think it's okay to lie, cheat, steal, and turn their backs on the one's that love them just to save face or because the gain wasn't worth their risk. Why do I expect to fall in love and be happy. Where the hell is happy? I see a lot of misery on people's faces, so why try? Why do I feel like I need a crutch to hold me up or make me whole. I feel empty pleasing myself. I hate myself!! I hate everything about me, I don't like that I care. I don't like that im hurt. I don't like that I feel deceived. This relationship stuff is stupid. By God people, if you fall in love for heaven sakes stay in love. Stop trying to change people, accept them for who they are and enjoy life with a partner. Stop trying to find the bigger or better or skinnier or prettier or hotter or blah blah *****in blah. Where is humanity? It's into Pride? Selfishness? Hard-Hearted? Cold? Ungrateful and Rude!! Shut up! I don't care if your right, stop trying to convence me. Hate it hate it hate it. I love my kids. Love them more then anything. Why can't I remember to be thankful that I had that initial part of the marriage that brought me the craziest moneys anyone has ever had the pleasure to see. They are full of love. No real pain. Maybe a little when dad's disappointed or upset. But they get to expierence the love part before being forced into gut wrentch pain and shame. I't a deep uncontrolled darkness that resides within your soul. To feel rejected
brokenamy Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Step 1: Block her on FB (my husband left FB altogether after I left him but he still spied on me =) Step 2: Date. Date. Date. Date. Don't commit, just date. U won't like anyone but u need to go out there and feel. my 2 cents.
nobmagnet Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Oh my Lucky clover. i really feel your desparation within your thread. (( hugs)) I could feel the same as you. Instead i have taken the time of healing as a longer term thing. Working on yourself and your inner self is maybe what you need too. To take away the pressure of finding a "mate" and just taking a deep sigh of relief might just help for a while. Maybe focus on the exciting things in life that are acheivable? Planning a new focus, something you may have enjoyed years ago but hadnt the time to do with family commitments? Trying to look at the positive aspects of being self sufficient and doing as you please? likeing one's self is the key to living a fulfilled life IMO. I had little or no respect for myself due to failed relationships so I turned it on its head. I recon any relationship in my future wont happen till I trully understand myself. I am having quite a lot of fun finding out too. take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON love Nobby x
andrew-bkk Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Why do people think it's okay to lie, cheat, steal, and turn their backs on the one's that love them just to save face or because the gain wasn't worth their risk. I too was lied to, cheated on, and had a lot of money stolen. Three months down the line -- it's not so bad. I'm cool now. You'll be cool, too. You'll hate me for saying this -- but it just takes time.
Author LuckyClover Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Thanks for listening guys, and thanks for the hugs nob I know you guys are right, that time is what I need, and I am doing good.. some days just seem harder then others. I lack motivation mostly right now.. I want to do a lot of things but i always feel exhausted. I work a 4 on 4 off schedule. 12 hours a day on the 4 on and then I have my kids everyday I'm off. It's hard to find me time, let alone date time. And since the divorce, money isn't exactly piling up I'm actually pinned against the wall to work a second job. I have no problem doing this, I like working. In fact its nice to get away from the kids and interact with other people, even if it is mostly drama people love to swim in around here. It's still helps me not feel so alone. I do have friends that come over and a handful of women trying to put on their best game in hopes that I consider settling down with them, but they aren't what I need and you all are right, I'm not ready! I don't know how to heal really I just go with the flow and hope the pain isn't too hard on me. Most days it's just small feelings of rejection, I just try to find something to take my mind off of it. I feel boring.. Not bored, but boring.. Like I just don't do a billion exciting things and so sometimes I wonder if I'll even attract the type of girl I want. But I'll stay positive, eventually something will come together and catch my interest.. I'll make time for it and enjoy my life again. Sometimes I wish I liked drinking but it's so boring to me. I like lortabs they make me feel pretty good, but I don't want to be one of those that would steal from their own mother's medicine cabinet just to pop a pill, so I just don't use um much. Pots okay but it just makes me lazy and then my kids get neglected, so that stays hidden. I just feel like I need to find something that will make me feel different.. like there's always something missing. More then a hole in my heart, it's more like a hole in myself. It's kinda like the feeling you get when you've been thinking about a cigarette for the last two hours and can't wait to smoke one, and when you do you feel relieved, except everything I try to make the emptiness go away doesn't work. I'm always wanting something else to do. So ya, I do need time, but I also need to find something that won't make me feel so anxious. I just don't know to be honest... and please don't get me wrong, I have a smile on my face and do have friends, it's just sad that it isn't enough to keep me satisfied.
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I think the real question is, whyyyyyy are you looking at their fb pages?!
andrew-bkk Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I think the real question is, whyyyyyy are you looking at their fb pages?! Perfect. That's so right. You've gotta either delete your FB account or be strong and not visit her stuff. Deleting you own account is better. You MUST MUST MUST move on. FB-stalking might seem harmless, but it's actually very damaging. It holds you back and prevents you from moving on. Worse still, it's actually quite addictive. Don't do it. You MUST stop doing it.
Author LuckyClover Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I don't stock her... My xw and I are still friends, it's better that way with the kids... I did delete my xgf's FB altogether which does help a ton. I don't go to my xw's page or anything, just when I see her profile pic with her new man... It just kinda stabs my heart a little.
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