Darius79 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 ...it feels like for every 2 steps of progress I make, instead of taking a step back, my STBX comes flying in from the sideline to take out my knees... It's been a long time since I posted, but I still read regularly (here's orig topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163893/). Anyway, I'll try and give a brief update since then: There was an attempt at a recon, didn't work (it was apparently an attempt to fix 'my problems'), there was a 3rd affair w/ neighbor that I should have seen the signs of a mile away and ultimately me tearfully moving out in February (but not w/o signing a Seperation Agreement) and living with my mother. For a couple months I (foolishly) kept hopes up that things could be fixed, but she kept stringing me along weekly until 'out of the blue' I caught wind that I was going to be served (saw the papers in the backseat as I was carrying my daughters to the car.) Things went south quickly. I lawyered up and tried to keep the focus on my work and my kids. Word quickly got around to me that STBX had blown things up with OM#3 because OM#2 came out for an 'overnight visit', so she wound up going back to OM#1 (which she always stated would take her back in a heartbeat.) I really didn't care what she was doing, I just asked for her to not flaunt it in front of the kids and be mindful of their needs (though her parents have often told her 'they're kids, they'll get used to it'.) Had temporary orders in July and by this point, I had begun to move on (I think largely because of her near weekly behaviors and incidents she attempted to frame me for.) There was a stipulation that we are to 'co-parent' on all decisions (we have 50/50) regarding the children, but that fell on deaf ears. If it wasn't her way, it was no way. She also had a stipulation added, that if I was at work she could come pick the kids up from my mother's house, regardless of their wishes. The children began counseling and the complaints began that they were tired of constantly being shuttled around. My son especially was taking it hard as the OM/BF #1 was his 'best friend's' father and they were always over and staying at the house. Also, my STBX's mom had moved into the house with her and my kids (1 boy (9), 2 girls (7,4)) were all forced to share a 10'x8' bedroom. Repeatedly tried to reason with STBX that the kids are getting stressed out, but she continually takes the stance that it's my fault and that the kids are ok with what she does. Things hit a breaking point when the kids told me they had spent an entire weekend at the OM's house w/ no toys or change of clothes and were very uncomfortable and wanted to go home. This led to an increase in counseling sessions for the kids and even me requesting a CFI be brought in (but ultimately not.) Then last week, finally had Mediation and I thought things were finally going to be settled. STBX asked for 2 years to refi house in own name, took ownership of the older (but paid off vehicle) and thought we came to an agreement on remaining property at the home and parenting rights. My lawyer and STBX agreed that I could pick my items up on Sunday and then Final Orders would be drafted and signed. On Saturday, STBX and I had the first co-counseling session with the children and the first time in 8 months the 5 of us had been together. Kids were simply happy that 'mommy and daddy weren't fighting' and that they got to tell us about how they felt things were going. Then STBX and I spoke privately with the counselor and the blaming started again. I would state my concerns about her behaviors and the common response was that I was projecting. However, we make a little progress in at least being able to start talking and be open about current feelings. So now Sunday comes around and I arrive at the house with the UHaul and the kiddos are excited to see me and the moving truck (they've never got to be in one). However, STBX and parents are piling all of my items in the driveway. They continued to bring things out for 10 minutes then closed the garage and front door and ushered the kids into the backyard (despite their requests to get to ride in the truck). I attempted to notify STBX that my 'pile' was missing several items, but was told that was all I was getting and father-in-law advised me to "get my [crap] and leave". Feeling threatened and tired of continued harassment/ambushes whenever I was at the house, I contacted the police to assist/monitor me while I retrieved my items and be able to find out where the missing things were. She still refused on some things (like splitting up the kids things and our 150+ DVD collection) but admitted that other things had been moved over to her BF's house. Finished packing, didn't get to say goodbye to my children and took assessment that roughly 1/3 of my list was missing or broken/damaged. Wrote two emails, one to my lawyer that things weren't fixed after the mediation, the other to the children's counselor that despite any 'success' from our first co-counseling session w/ the children on Saturday, it basically all blew up with her behavior on Sunday (essentially treating me like a stranger when the day before it was being stressed to 'play nice' around the children)... Now, I'm just waiting for the day for Final Orders to come around, but I'm trying to make STBX understand that we need to still be parents to the children and act reasonably to each other when they are around. I still find myself defending her actions to the kids (i.e. STBX made promise to take son out on birthday, but forgot because BF and his son wanted to stay.) I assume the reality of the situation is going to eventually hit her, but I'm tired of seeing the kids not be entirely happy about it and feeling unable to do anything about it. Sorry if this seems disjointed and brief or vague, but it's a lot to try and expand on and the last few days have been emotionally rough. I guess I'm somewhat venting but also trying to get advice on moving towards that light at the end of the tunnel w/ my 3 kids still being intact...
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