Confused9 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Some of you may remember me, some of you won't but 3 years ago, my fiance of 4 years/boyfriend of 7 left me for the other woman and coincidentally got married 7 months later and had a baby 11 months later. He left me with a boat load of debt and I was devastated. A year ago I met someone and he knew everything about my past as I told him and I obvi was scared to get in to a relationship but I did it and we struggled in the beginning but had never been happied. Until Friday when... He broke up with me. I am completely devastated and heartbroken, I can't believe I am here again. I can't even explain how happy we were and this all came out of left feild. Pretty sure he cheated but he denies it to the end. Here's the story. I CAN'T do this again!!! I got a message on FB that my boyfriend was planning to have s*x tonight (Thursday) and he bought condoms from the store after work from a Joann Smith who then deleted her facebook. I confronted him. He denied it. Was like begging me to hear him out. I looked on his phone and saw that he had called someone named Nicole at some point, didn't look when if it was Thursday or before or what and asked him who she was. He said she was some girl who lived at an apartment in a town close by and was a customer of his that he knew from a few years ago when he worked there that had come back in to his store recently. He said she had a kid and is a 'los*r'. So I left work and met him at my house. I asked him to look at his phone again and the phonecall to Nicole was gone. I asked what happened to it and he was like what. I don't know what you are talking about. Completely denying it even existed. So in a blackberry if you go to the phonebook, the last person you looked up will be there and suer enough it was 'Nicole'. I was so cnfused and was like who is she, call her. So he called her and I took the phone and I swore someone picked up but didn't say anything. So I had him call her back and he was like: 'Hey Nicole, it's XX, sorry to call you so late but confused9 seems to think we are messing around and that was it about her. I went in to my house and checked his bank statement and didn't see anything to do with a pharmacy charge but there was a charge for a liquour store for 14.00 where he said he bought beer and gum cause him and his friend were plannign on hanging out that night. He was at my house for like 5 hours (till 4 AM) and he was swearing he didn't do anything and all that and saying I was his soul mate, etc, he practically had an anxiety attack and we ended up going in to my room and started making out and then we slept together and it was amazing and he was like I am so in love with you and blah blah blah. Then Friday he sent me flowers but I was still questioning him and everything and he got mad and was like I can't believe you are questioning me after I sent you flowers (um?) so we got in to a fight and he hung up on me. So when I got home from work I asked if he was coming over still and he said no cause he had a headache and didn't feel good and I said if you don't come here we are over and he said I don't feel good and I can't take your trust issues (um, I didn't have trust issues until this!!!). Then he finally said he'd come over and when he did he broke up with me saying that he'd been having doubts for a few months and that he was going to sound like and @sshole but it's becasue of my family issues (all my siblings are heroin @ddicts so this causes a lot of stress and unhappiness) and my insecurities about love. (My ex used the same thing about my family and the new b/f knew that and knew how uspet it made me!!!!) So we went back and forth and I was in shock and I packed his sh*t and he was crying and he was like I'm sorry just give me some time. I still want to be friends with you, etc. I was like I don't want to be friends with you I hate you. So he tried to storm off and came back and was like confused9, please just give me some time to clear my head (token cheater reference). Anyway, so he left and he had his work van and my friends drove by his house later and it wasn't there so they asked where it could be and I said prob at the apt building he said Nicole lived) and sure enough, it was there. When I asked him about the van he said that another coworker borrowed it and he was at that apt complex cause he is sleeping with another coworker who lives there. I then explained that my roomate walked outside when he was in my house talking and didn't see anyone in the van and he said that the kid was black and it was dark so she wouldn't have seen him. (omgggggggggggggggggggg, what a terrible excuse!!!) So a bunch of my friends texted him or called him or whatever and were like you are making the biggest mistake of your life, how can you do this to her or whatever and he got mad about that saying tell your friends to leave me alone. (First of all, I didn't even ask them to contact him but what right does he have to get mad that people are calling him out fopr being such an @sshole?) So, I texted him Sat and he was denying it still and told me he didn't have time to talk about this. Blah blah and was being so weird/mean. Like not like himself at all. I texted him again and said I love you and he was like I love you too I just need some time. I talked to his mom and she said on Tuesday he was talking about buying me an engagement ring and now he doesn't want to be with me and has been having doubts? He hasn't been having doubts. We just celebrated our 1 year. He planned the whole day, took me on a hay ride, pumpkin picking and to dinner at a really nice Italian restuarant and was planning all the stuff he was going to buy me for Christmas, telling all my friends, etc. So, I texted him Sunday and he was just like I need time to choose and I was like choose what and he's like not choose, decide and I just don't get what the f*ck happened. His mom said he was mopping around and was on the phone and she was listening in on the convo from the b/room standing in the tub (haha) and he said he was devastated but he doesn't see how I'll ever trust him. But he won't talk to her and he deleted all his status updates and all my posts from his page. I deleted him from my friends and all our pictures but still, I did it cause I didn't want to look at him anymore. I just don't know what happened. I did't text him yesterday, as hard as it was. I just can't believe I am back here again. A month ago, I was posting how I was so happy and blah blah about being a success story and now my heart is broken, again. I know I need to go NC but with my ex we were together for 7 years and the relationship had gone sour, with tis new guy things were better than ever, and i am not just saying that through my rose colored glasses. We were so in love! I don't think I can do this again. All I want is for him to come back but he's caused so much damage. I don't think it will ever be the same. We have been so happy! WTF? I just can't understand why this keeps happeneing to me. HELP!
Spark1111 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Confused, I am so sorry you are going through this...again. I think, for the sake of your sanity, you need to initiate a 180 here. What I mean by that is to pull back, give this guy some space and let him sort it out. Let him clear his head. Right now, he is obviously lying about his attraction to this new woman and very possibly more. There is not too much you can do about this, except calmly state your position: I will not commit to a man who cheats on me and then lies about it, and then continues to lie about it. I would tell him, it you cannot conduct yourself in an honorable manor, commit only to me, and always tell me the truth, I will not go through this again for anyone....not even you. And then I would stop the calls to his mother, the friends calling him up, and all the dramatic nonsense that ensues after this kind of discovery. Why? Because with every angry confrontation (And don't get me wrong, you have every right to be angry!) it will confirm his decision that: A) You will NEVER trust him again, so what's the use.. AND B) You will always be angry with him and that Nicole, she is so sweet to me so it will just be easier to stay with Nicole. Do you get what I mean here? I know how much this hurts, but the only thing you can control is your reaction to it all. Take the high road....as soon as you can.
Author Confused9 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 I will not contact him. I will do everything in my power to stop. But, I feel like if he loved me he would be banging down my door. I just don't understand cheaters. I really don't. Can't anyone keep in their pants anymore? Like WTF?
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