Can't get over her

[lostinlife9]

Hello everybody,

 

Nearly 2 years ago, I met a girl called Hannah. She's wonderful. She's cute, nice, sociable, and in my eyes, perfect.

 

I met her at a friends house. It was funny really, all my life I'd struggled speaking to girls, and when I met her, it all went away instantly, she seemed to bring out the best in me. We hit it off the first night, we laughed, joked, generally enjoyed each other's company.

 

My feelings grew rapidly for Hannah, and before I knew it, I had fallen for her. Completely fallen for her. I'd never felt this way before, I'd liked girls in the past but never like this. Every moment we had together was special, I'd count down the days till I saw her again. I was hooked.

 

If I was to explain the next year, I'd be here all night, so I'll cut a long story short and say that we never got together. Why? I'm 99% certain I'm the reason why. Ever since I met her, I spent months wrestling with my own mind (does she like me? etc). I saw Hannah every Saturday night for a whole year and I never made a move. There was always somebody in the way or always a reason not to try. I was always scared and I just didn't have the conviction to go for her. Instead, I spent all my free time wondering whether she liked me or not. I couldn't figure it out. I guess I just didn't believe a girl like that couldn't like someone like me.

 

After around a year of knowing her, Hannah gradually began to fade out of my group of friends. She stopped seeing us, she gradually went away. She never lived too close-by so it was hard to keep her close to us. I was devastated. She had stopped messaging me on Facebook (something she did a lot before) and stopped making an effort with me. Whenever I tried to speak to her by text or by Facebook, she seemed disinterested in me.

 

Eventually, I kind-of accepted that she wasn't in my life too much anymore. My feelings never went away though. I dreamt about her at nights, I thought about her all the time. I tried to move on, I tried to meet other girls, but I couldn't help but compare them all to Hannah. Needless to say, they all (unfairly) paled in comparison. I knew all along that the only girl I wanted was Hannah.

 

This has been going on for months now. I still miss her and I still want to be with her. I look back on every moment we ever spent together and I'm certain she had feelings for me too last year, I was just too scared to accept that. Me and her always had a special bond. Things aren't as straightforward as they once were though, she has a boyfriend now, which irritates me to no end. I still see her very occasionally, but when I do it's always a passing hug. I've spoken to her on Facebook a couple of times recently and we still have a nice rapport, she still has the ability to make me smile and put me in a good mood. I'm still hopelessly in love with her.

 

I'm not sure what to do really. All I know is that my feelings for her are somewhat unhealthy. They distract me at work, they stop me meeting other girls. I know it's all a little sad, and that I should get over her. I can't though, moreover, I don't really want to. She's everything I've ever wanted.

 

Thanks for reading, and any input is thoroughly appreciated.

[Danneth]

Some form of hobby to take your mind off her, pehraps?