Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Hmmm...but why should they even bother to talk to her about that? It's "none of their business", right? its only none of their business when it comes to informing a BS that they are being effed over.
Fieldsofgold Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I don't understand the point of your (very sad) story. Discreetly telling the BS is not gossip, nor does it cause gossip. The BS's behavior caused the gossip. That was her choice. It has no impact on my belief that she has a right to know. Why the eye rolls? If your friend is acting erratically in the wake of her partner's death, the people who love her and can support her (and can keep an eye out for self-destructive behavior) should know about it. It can be done nastily, but it also can be done out of genuine concern for her wellbeing. I totally agree with this post.
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Again - My personal life (affair) really has nothing to do with this post. At All. My views have always been what they are. I don't know his wife. (I don't even know 2 of the other men - I've just heard the stories told) So I wouldn't be the one to tell any of their wives anyway. Infidelity or Not -- I am still not going to be a "tattle tale" nor will I butt my nose into someone elses business unless I'm asked for specific advice OR if it directly involves me. (directly means my IMMEDIATE family of 6) It's who I am, It's who I've always been, It's who I intend to stay.
donnamaybe Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Ah, yes. It's merely being a "noseybody" (not a caring friend) to try to intervene when one sees someone they profess to care about going down a bad road in life.
lkjh Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I'm not or wasn't trying to "Prove" anything. It's just merely a story that happened in my circle of friends & proves my point that I don't agree with butting into others business. Affairs or not. It's not my business. It's like Just Joe said - I have a non-committal attitude towards it. There's no reason for me to tell anyone. I personally don't know any of these wives so it's not my business. And, if I did I still wouldn't go out of my way to make sure she was aware of what was going on. Whether I've had an affair or not has nothing to do with this story lkjh. If I hadn't I'd still have the same opinion. Makes no difference. I had this mindset prior to that - I'm not a buttinsky! Sorry to disappoint you rubberneckers that were hoping for a gory ending. There isn't one. So you are trying to prove your point. The story doesn't really do that, it just speaks volumes of your character. So judging by your response you have had an affair or been involved with a married man. Obviously you are bias and want to justify your behavior with your story. Sorry but on the contrary of what lifetime and Oprah tells you there is a right and wrong in this world. And sitting back while your friend destroys her life and others is wrong. Im not perfect but I recognize my faults and you should try to do the same instead of attempting to convince others that your way of like is a good one. I think of stories where nobody told and they have a much worse ending
lkjh Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Oh and the ending of your "story" where the wife comes in and gets mad but leaves, probably happened because her H convinced her that nothing was going. I seriously doubt that she was ok with it
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Oh and the ending of your "story" where the wife comes in and gets mad but leaves, probably happened because her H convinced her that nothing was going. I seriously doubt that she was ok with it ..........on the contrary. As I mentioned before -Another aquaintence spoke to the wife. She was just having a normal "How you doing" conversation. The wife said...I know what's going on over there. He's done this (cheated) before. So, she's very well aware of his comings & goings. He disappears for days at a time. (be weird if she didn't notice that) Anyway- You're probably right. Telling this story is just another way for me to make my point on Not telling of an affair. NOT because I've had one & want to drive my point home Because I have always believed that unless asked, you stay out of others affairs (or their life in other words). I have plenty of things to occupy my time without getting involved in others drama. Yes, Drama. Affairs are Drama. If my friend were in danger - I'd say something. Which is why we had the chat about her going to see a doctor for medical issues.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Infidelity or Not -- I am still not going to be a "tattle tale" can be a cheater, an other woman would be ok.....but oh no....anything but a tattle tale:rolleyes:
Dexter Morgan Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 So you are trying to prove your point. The story doesn't really do that, it just speaks volumes of your character. So judging by your response you have had an affair or been involved with a married man. Obviously you are bias and want to justify your behavior with your story. its the old "birds of a feather flock together" thing
kuma Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 (edited) Anyway- You're probably right. Telling this story is just another way for me to make my point on Not telling of an affair. NOT because I've had one & want to drive my point home Because I have always believed that unless asked, you stay out of others affairs (or their life in other words). I have plenty of things to occupy my time without getting involved in others drama. Yes, Drama. Affairs are Drama. If my friend were in danger - I'd say something. Which is why we had the chat about her going to see a doctor for medical issues. I hope your friend gets help ASAP. I understand she's in pain, but she has to realize that her reckless behavior (Sleeping with anyone who will.) is putting her health and other people's health at risk. Edited November 5, 2010 by kuma
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 I hope your friend gets help ASAP. I understand she's in pain, but she has to realize that her reckless behavior (Sleeping with anyone who will.) is putting her health and other people's health at risk. I completely agree. However, there really is only so much people can do for someone when they aren't interested in helping themselves. You can't MAKE them change.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 (edited) QUOTE=confusedinkansas;3081791]I completely agree. However, there really is only so much people can do for someone when they aren't interested in helping themselves. You can't MAKE them change. Let her know that you completely disagree with her choices. Freeze her out. Don't encourage or allow her to talk about it, outside admonishing her about it. Tell her that she is being destructive and that you will not be party and may say something to the aggrieved spouse to protect her..... Get her in contact with counselors who can help. Have an intervention. Lots you can do. You choose not to do anything drastic to help her get of this fog. Edited November 5, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 (edited) Let her know that you completely disagree with her choices. Freeze her out. Don't encourage or allow her to talk about it, outside admonishing her about it. Tell her that she is being destructive and that you will not be party and may say something to the aggrieved spouse to protect her..... Get her in contact with counselors who can help. Have an intervention. Lots you can do. You choose not to do anything drastic to help her get of this fog. Good advice - If I were going to be the one that wanted to get involved. However, 1) I don't see her that much. 2) I DON'T talk to her about this AT ALL- Nor does she bring it up when we do visit. 3) I've not witnessed all of the behaviors..... I am only hearing this via the other folks.(reliable sources) 4) Others have told her how distructive this is & that S. would roll over in his grave if he saw her. No need for me to reiterate something that many have told her You can't MAKE people change. You can't MAKE people stop doing something they want to do. No matter how hard you try. It's her life. Her body. Her choice. Edited November 5, 2010 by confusedinkansas
donnamaybe Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 3) I've not witnessed all of the behaviors..... I am only hearing this via the other folks.(reliable sources)IMO, people who gossip ARE sticking their noses into others' business.
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