Am I average, attractive or unattractive?

[Star Gazer]

I DID find it a bit catty for you to say that you had looked again and her nose was fine, her PLASTIC SURGEON did a good job, lol. Was it neccesary to throw that in ?!

 

Yes, absolutely. She previously started an entire thread about wanting MORE plastic surgery, in part to fix her nose...again. My point is that it's PERFECT as is and doesn't need ANY help/work. I felt it was important to say that because people were saying her nose was "bad" when it so clearly is not. Shadow is begging people to tell her specifically what's wrong with her face; and I think it's because she's back to considering PS again. I think we can all agree that she does NOT need it.

[melodymatters]

Sorry Star ! My mistake !

 

I completely agree she does NOT need more platic surgery. She's as pretty if not prettier than MOST woman I know. MOST of whom have healthy relationships, so WE all know damn well it's not her looks, but if we write a thousand pages on here will it matter ?

 

SMILE ! SHOW INTEREST IN OTHERS ! START RANDOM CONVERSATIONS !

 

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT CONFIDENCE WISE !!!!!!

[Mme. Chaucer]

At the risk of playing directly into a terribly dysfunctional "game"...

 

You have a lovely face. Like the rest of us, you could play it up bigtime and be beautiful, or just be natural and have a lovely face. I actually really like the space between your eyes, your bone structure, lips and I think your nose is fine. Maybe you've overplucked your brows a little, imo.

 

I don't think you look older than 27, though from those photos you could be older. Hard to tell.

 

On the other hand, though, NOTHING about the inner "you" is coming through in these pics. They are completely lifeless. No expression, no spark in the eyes. If you go around with this kind of vibe, it's not surprising that you are not approached. Of course I understand that these are crappy webcam shots but still, they offer nothing for a person to connect with.

 

OKAY, now I am going to admonish you for putting your pictures up here to be judged by strangers. NOT HEALTHY on so so many levels. You live in the real world and I know that you have online dating experience as well, so you have plenty of data on how people (men specifically) respond to the way you look.

 

This is bad for you, and it does not depict you in a favorable light either. I mean, how much attention do you need?

 

Treat yourself much better.

 

And "attractiveness" is not just about good looks. The word means that a person actually "attracts" other people. Something compelling within can be as "attractive" as a lovely face or flawless body. Fact.

[tkgirl]

I'm not bothered by being average honestly. But I am curious to know what makes the other photos less attractive. I really want somebody to be specific! I won't get upset, promise.

 

I didn't take the time to read through all the posts on this and someone else probably mentioned it too... but your insecurity about your looks and having to post your pics to get reassurance from complete strangers in my opinion, makes you pretty unattractive... sorry if that sounds harsh... but really? remember... confidence is very attractive... even in your pics you do not look very confident... sorry!

[valpre]

and I think it's because she's back to considering PS again. I think we can all agree that she does NOT need it.

 

Indeed, NO PS needed at all!

 

All I see an attractive girl who is need of some self-confidence and self-love. Beauty mostly comes from within anyway.

[northern_sky]

At the risk of playing directly into a terribly dysfunctional "game"...

 

You have a lovely face. Like the rest of us, you could play it up bigtime and be beautiful, or just be natural and have a lovely face. I actually really like the space between your eyes, your bone structure, lips and I think your nose is fine. Maybe you've overplucked your brows a little, imo.

 

I don't think you look older than 27, though from those photos you could be older. Hard to tell.

 

On the other hand, though, NOTHING about the inner "you" is coming through in these pics. They are completely lifeless. No expression, no spark in the eyes. If you go around with this kind of vibe, it's not surprising that you are not approached. Of course I understand that these are crappy webcam shots but still, they offer nothing for a person to connect with.

 

OKAY, now I am going to admonish you for putting your pictures up here to be judged by strangers. NOT HEALTHY on so so many levels. You live in the real world and I know that you have online dating experience as well, so you have plenty of data on how people (men specifically) respond to the way you look.

 

This is bad for you, and it does not depict you in a favorable light either. I mean, how much attention do you need?

 

Treat yourself much better.

 

And "attractiveness" is not just about good looks. The word means that a person actually "attracts" other people. Something compelling within can be as "attractive" as a lovely face or flawless body. Fact.

 

Those photos actually have more expression than some of the others I took. For whatever reason, blank/lifeless seems to be my default expression. I think photos may exacerbate the problem, but I assume at least some of it translate into real life. My friends have pointed out that I often look deer in headlights.

 

The sad thing is it often seems like there's no connection between how I'm feeling and what I look like. Even when I feel happy and confident, my face is still blank. I really think a lot of it is just the way my features are. My skin is very pale, my eyes are naturally wide open. So in some sense, I have to fight against the natural physical impression I give.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Those photos actually have more expression than some of the others I took. For whatever reason, blank/lifeless seems to be my default expression. I think photos may exacerbate the problem, but I assume at least some of it translate into real life. My friends have pointed out that I often look deer in headlights.

 

The sad thing is it often seems like there's no connection between how I'm feeling and what I look like. Even when I feel happy and confident, my face is still blank. I really think a lot of it is just the way my features are. My skin is very pale, my eyes are naturally wide open. So in some sense, I have to fight against the natural physical impression I give.

 

Do you have anything to say regarding the rest of my post to you?

[utterer of lies]

Nothing related to your body is ever going to be such a turn off as your lack of self-esteem and your insecurity. Even that you base your mood and self-image on random stuff written on some web forum is a very bad sign.

 

If you want to change anything, make it that.

 

Quoting myself. Before considering plastic surgery, please read this. Again. Then again.

 

 

Operations will never make as much of a difference as just believing in yourself.

[bayouboi]

O wow, I didn't realize this poster was shadowplay. How do you LS supersleuths figure these things out? o_O

[northern_sky]

Do you have anything to say regarding the rest of my post to you?

 

But that was in response to what you wrote...?

 

I was trying to explain that a lot of this stuff about my expression (which I completely agree with) feels out of my control. Even when I'm feeling happy and confident, I still have that blank look.

[northern_sky]

Do you have anything to say regarding the rest of my post to you?

 

Oh, nevermind. I missed the "rest" in my first reading. I will respond to the rest of your post and post it in a sec.

[Sarah1977]

For the record, when I posted, I didn't realize OP had such crippling low self esteem or was considering PS. I took her at face value in that she just wanted some tips on what features to highlight/hide with make-up. My apologies.

[jthorne]

Ok, I haven't read the whole thread, just the OP and a smattering of other posts.

 

I used to be a makeup artist in another life, and we would always complain about BF Ugly women who would expect to be made to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones. We called that swimming in the delusion pond... Hey, makeup can only do so much!

 

You, on the other hand, have some very lovely features, and a lot to work with.

 

You just need to be true to yourself. If you don't care for makeup, don't let someone tell you that you'd be a knockout if you'd throw some spackle on. If you are a makeup girl like me, then go for it, but if you are the natural girl, there is nothing wrong with that!

 

Everyone has different tastes. Some people think that George Clooney looks like a dogpile, others think he's the bees knees. I think I am relatively attractive, but not beautiful bu any means. But my husband sees something in me, and he thinks I'm beautiful. I think Penelope Cruz is one of the most beautiful women on earth, yet my H thinks she's "okay".

 

There's no universal standard, ya know?

 

I'm sensing that you are not comfortable in your own skin, though. Working on that is your starting point, IMO.

[OceanGirl]

This is such a bad idea. Posting pictures I mean. I do not have BDD but I would never be able to do it and to take the comments and I know they would affect me deeply.

 

I am just worried that Shadow is going to internalize each negative post and close herself up from the world. I am worried that her confidence will plummet even further. I am worried that she will now conclude that all her problems with men stem from average looks. I am just...worried

[Star Gazer]

O wow, I didn't realize this poster was shadowplay. How do you LS supersleuths figure these things out? o_O

 

She announced it in two other threads.

 

Her pictures also give it away.

[Sarah1977]

 

I am just worried that Shadow is going to internalize each negative post and close herself up from the world. I am worried that her confidence will plummet even further. I am worried that she will now conclude that all her problems with men stem from average looks. I am just...worried

 

Me too. I'm sorry.

[northern_sky]

 

On the other hand, though, NOTHING about the inner "you" is coming through in these pics. They are completely lifeless. No expression, no spark in the eyes. If you go around with this kind of vibe, it's not surprising that you are not approached. Of course I understand that these are crappy webcam shots but still, they offer nothing for a person to connect with.

 

OKAY, now I am going to admonish you for putting your pictures up here to be judged by strangers. NOT HEALTHY on so so many levels. You live in the real world and I know that you have online dating experience as well, so you have plenty of data on how people (men specifically) respond to the way you look.

 

This is bad for you, and it does not depict you in a favorable light either. I mean, how much attention do you need?

 

Treat yourself much better.

 

And "attractiveness" is not just about good looks. The word means that a person actually "attracts" other people. Something compelling within can be as "attractive" as a lovely face or flawless body. Fact.

 

I don't know how to interpret the data. I'm never approached by guys, but the guys I have been with thought I was very attractive (and they've ranged looks-wise). This leaves me confused about whether it's a personality or physical problem -- hence my starting of this thread. In the past I would have never considered starting a thread like this. I would have been completely crushed by the negative comments. But I guess I've been feeling a bit tougher lately, and I just wanted to know from people who could be more objective.

 

I agree with you that my lack of self confidence is a huge problem, but I honestly believe that a lot of my impression is the result of my physical traits rather than what's going on inside. I have a naturally chilly face. I feel like I'm actually kind of sickly looking even though I'm in fact very healthy (according to my doctor, heh). I'm a healthy weight, but as you can see in the pics and Sarah pointed out my face is gaunt and angular looking. It's depressing to me, because I'm a very soft, sweet person.

 

None of that seems to shine through the way I look.

 

A lot of the time people immediately assume the worst of me when we meet. Even when I'm making a genuine effort to be friendly. Often their assumptions are way off base. Even when I feel that I'm at my best, and my good qualities are shining through, it's like they don't notice or care. This leaves me to assume that my face is naturally off-putting.

Edited November 2, 2010 by northern_sky

[OceanGirl]

I like pic 1 and 4 the most.

[tigressA]

I agree with you that my lack of self confidence is a huge problem, but I honestly believe that a lot of my impression is the result of my physical traits rather than what's going on inside. I have a naturally chilly face. I feel like I'm actually kind of sickly looking even though I'm in fact very healthy (according to my doctor, heh). I'm a healthy weight, but as you can see in the pics and Sarah pointed out my face is gaunt and angular looking. It's depressing to me, because I'm a very soft, sweet person.

 

None of that seems to shine through the way I look.

 

Then you need to MAKE it shine through in your gestures, in your words, in your tone of voice, in your actions, if your looks don't naturally communicate that all by themselves. Like many other people have already pointed out in this thread, and like I'm going to say now, you don't look happy, sweet, soft--anything like those adjectives in your pictures. At all. And it's not solely your physical looks responsible for that.

[krz12]

I just poked through about half of the maxim 100 and the OP definitely has a better face than some of them.

 

I can see why some people might not like that cheekbone shape, though.

[tigressA]

Try putting a picture up with you smiling. Pretend something has just made you really happy and take a picture. I bet you'll look a thousand times better than any of the pictures you posted in your OP.

[tman666]

What a sad thread...

 

NS, Shadow, etc.: If you go through your whole life with this level of insecurity, you'll ultimately (if you're not already) be very unhappy with life. There's simple validation (which I think you've gotten from a lot of the posters), and then there is obsession. You seem to obsess over the negative comments here and dismiss the positive ones entirely. Do you even see how many people have come out and said that you're good looking? So what if there are a couple of people that don't find you supremely attractive? There's not a human on the planet that has that level of universal appeal.

 

Internalize the positive and let the negative things roll off you like water off a duck.

 

It's just too bad that you're convinced that your face is messed up when you're nowhere even remotely uggo.

[northern_sky]

Then you need to MAKE it shine through in your gestures, in your words, in your tone of voice, in your actions, if your looks don't naturally communicate that all by themselves. Like many other people have already pointed out in this thread, and like I'm going to say now, you don't look happy, sweet, soft--anything like those adjectives in your pictures. At all. And it's not solely your physical looks responsible for that.

 

What is it that makes me look the opposite of sweet and soft?

[tigressA]

What is it that makes me look the opposite of sweet and soft?

 

Your facial expressions/body positioning. You look bored, insecure, unhappy. I see absolutely no confidence, no sweetness and light, anywhere in those pictures. Try smiling!

[northern_sky]

Your facial expressions/body positioning. You look bored, insecure, unhappy. I see absolutely no confidence, no sweetness and light, anywhere in those pictures. Try smiling!

 

OK, I guess I can see that. What do you think of me otherwise honestly?