blackjack23 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 So... I'm in college and I've been sort of seeing this girl for a few weeks. By "sort of" I mean hanging out with her and getting to know her quite a bit. I guess you could say we're in "friend zone" territory, but its not like my former friend zone experiences. There's a chemistry between us that's undeniable, and it's pretty obvious where the relationship would be if it weren't for her boyfriend. He goes to a different school and they rarely see each other. I have known about him for pretty much our whole relationship, and I'm not one of those guys who won't think twice about homewrecking. Especially in this case... not only is it a dick thing to do, but I don't want to ruin the already awesome relationship we have. That said, it's gotten to the point where I'm not happy as just a close friend. Should I be honest with her? Of course I'm hesitant to because of potential rejection even though I'm fairly confident she has similar feelings, and I don't want to sabatoge our relationship. Right now I'm planning on keeping it where it is, but like I said, it's bugging the hell out of me. Internet, please help.
utterer of lies Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Should I be honest with her? Of course I'm hesitant to because of potential rejection even though I'm fairly confident she has similar feelings, and I don't want to sabatoge our relationship. Bull****. No, don't be honest with her, and don't lie (even on the internet) about 'sabotaging your relationship'. Obviously you want more of her, and you will not be happy in the friend zone. The only smart thing to do is make a move. Either she responds and things go well, or you know she's not interested and let her go.
mogul Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'm kind of split on this issue. Mainly because I have pulled this dick move in the past, and also because I was always paranoid with an ex whenever she was with guy friends (unjustifiably so though). Its karma, if you do it, you'll always think that it can be done to you.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Don't do it. There are plenty of great girls that are single so why go for one that is taken? If you're unhappy being close friends than stop talking to her so much and put your energy into meeting other people.
bl22 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 People like you ruin perfectly happy and loving relationships which cause extreme hurt and distress to both people in the relationship. Just dont do it, you dont understand what kind of damage you're doing to peoples lives and their future.
mogul Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 People like you ruin perfectly happy and loving relationships which cause extreme hurt and distress to both people in the relationship. Just dont do it, you dont understand what kind of damage you're doing to peoples lives and their future. That is true, he could also be putting himself in danger. If I found out the person I was with cheated and the guy knowingly pursued her while she was still with me, I would dump her and threaten his life. (not really, but something along those lines).
Author blackjack23 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Bull****. No, don't be honest with her, and don't lie (even on the internet) about 'sabotaging your relationship'. I don't understand where/why you think I'm lying. Why would I lie on the internet when all I'm looking for is some advice? I'm not lying or trying to sugar coat anything here, just trying to get a clearer perspective on things. Don't do it. There are plenty of great girls that are single so why go for one that is taken? Simple answer--I'm picky when it comes to girls. That's why it's a bit hard in this situation to restrain myself, it's rare that I meet a girl actually worth dedicating myself to. I meet new people all the time, but rarely connect with them on this level. People like you ruin perfectly happy and loving relationships which cause extreme hurt and distress to both people in the relationship. Just dont do it, you dont understand what kind of damage you're doing to peoples lives and their future. Jesus, it's not like I can control how we feel about each other. I'd feel bad for her boyfriend, but at this point I'm more concerned about what I want. Selfish? Maybe so, but I'm not going to let someone who I've never met and never will meet impact my decisions when it comes to something like this. Of course I don't want to hurt her, that's another reason I'm hesitant on making a move. If I do make a move and she's cool with it, based on my interactions with her I doubt it would have a lasting negative impact. She rarely mentions her boyfriend, but when she does she doesn't seem particularly thrilled to talk about him and changes the topic.
bl22 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 More concerned about what you want...says it all yeah. I was with an amazing girl for 2 and half years, she was my first love and i was hers, some guy at her work actively persued her the way you are doing now and she eventually left me for him despite me trusting her and her telling me their just friends. My soul has been ripped to shreds and I've never felt pain like it in my life. If i ever see the guy who did this to us he'd get the **** kicked out of him. You are no better than this guy.
Author blackjack23 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Sorry you had to go through that, but that's part of life. People lose interest for any number of reasons, find other people and move on. Sure it sucks, but if people don't do what their heart desires then there's really no point in having a relationship with anyone in the first place. That's not to say we should all be haphazard and have no regard for other people's feelings, but in the long run we should do whatever we consider is best for us.
MalachXaviel Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I always look at it like this. Past boyfriends are like job references. If she'll act inappropriately with you behind her boyfriend's back, what's to stop her from doing that to you? (and don't let a big ego blind your judgment here). A lot of women and men alike seem to think that people like this are "cured" when they get with the right person. I believe it has more to do with maturity and personality.
Author blackjack23 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Precisely why I feel the need to make a move but restrain myself. I don't want to be a guy she has an affair with, I want a respectable and trusting relationship. She's not the kind of girl who would step out of her relationship anyway. No matter how I look at it the "right" thing to do is to be patient and let things play out, but it's hard since she's the first girl I've met in over a year who I have legitimate chemistry with.
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