good_vibes Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I was supposed to meet up with a guy for coffee from online yesterday night. He said he was going to be out of town but flying back in at 6, and said could we meet at 8. I said OK. He then emailed and said could we meet at a certain part of town, because he was having dinner there at 6, and we could meet after. I said OK, but thought it was weird that he would say he was having dinner at 6 when he before said he was flying in at 6. I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking he meant he was heading over that way after his flight got in. Well, he txts me the night before at 1 a.m. and says that he made a mistake, he forgot he has a layover and doesn't get home until 8, can we do it another night this week. Well I looked up the flights, as our airport is small. The only flights coming in to town that day from where he was were direct (no layovers) and landing at 6 pm. So for whatever reason, he lied about it. He emailed me that day to make sure I received his text, because I didn't reply at all. One friend thinks I should at least say something?? Another friend says I won't find anyone to date this way, because all guys lie. That seems a weird philosophy to me.
runner Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 lol. i would call him out on it if it really were bull****. say something along the lines of, 'yea my friend is a baggage handler at the airport; says the only flight from ***** comes in at 6 ... wierd eh ? oh well' ah the joys of dating
Author good_vibes Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa *CRACKING UP* I should totally do that!! Dude mentioned that he has dated models in the past, given his looks I would not doubt it, so not to stereotype but not sure if he's used to dating women who are dumber than a box of rocks and/or will believe or let slide whatever he says.
runner Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 women who aren't afraid of one-upping me are hawt you should totally do it.
D-Lish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 If you've found out he's being deceptive, I wouldn't bother replying at all, what's the point? I wouldn't admit that I went and checked flight information in order to check his story, I'd just move on.
Insanitylater Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I would bring it up somehow, and see what he says. I myself LOVE calling people out on stuff like this when dating just starts. Its very funny to see them squirm or go into panic mode trying to ad-lib more bs. I already know the relationship isnt going anywhere, so when they start to bs I am at no loss by saying anything. People that bs are able to do so, because they know that most people dont pay attention too closely to details in their story. But you picked up on the 6pm contradiction. Its almost a bit of a curse being such a good listener, and paying attention to people too well. Because you see people and pick up on things that most others dont. Being this way makes it hard to date, because you see thru the front that most men and women put on when you first meet.
D-Lish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I would bring it up somehow, and see what he says. I myself LOVE calling people out on stuff like this when dating just starts. Its very funny to see them squirm or go into panic mode trying to ad-lib more bs. I already know the relationship isnt going anywhere, so when they start to bs I am at no loss by saying anything. People that bs are able to do so, because they know that most people dont pay attention too closely to details in their story. But you picked up on the 6pm contradiction. Its almost a bit of a curse being such a good listener, and paying attention to people too well. Because you see people and pick up on things that most others dont. Being this way makes it hard to date, because you see thru the front that most men and women put on when you first meet. Meh, it's internet dating, contradictions are almost a given. I myself see silence as a more appropriate response to such a glaring red flag as this. Unless you enjoy drama, there's not much point to a response. What are you going to say? Admitting to checking out airport flights just gives credence to his ego (hey, I cared enough to check you out!)- I still think that complete silence is a better response.
2sunny Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 since he keeps changing it and has now lied... it looks like he expects you to keep adjusting to his requests. that's never a good way to start. just tell him you don't see the need to try to make it work since he keeps juggling you around.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I wouldn't admit that I went and checked flight information in order to check his story, I'd just move on. The fact that you checked up on him like this, someone you never met, is kinda weird and creepy, IMO. Please don't tell him you know. Look... You've never met. He really owes you nothing by way of explanation for wanting to reschedule. Perhaps he is just thinking he won't feel up for being social after returning from travel, but thinks it would be rude to say that? Sounds like he's just giving you an excuse to reschedule...and really, at this point, what's wrong with that? It's not like he's cancelling.
sanskrit Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 When dating frequent fliers, making assumptions based on supposed inconsistencies in their flight plans is a bad idea if you don't want to waste good opportunities. 1. Flying in at 6/dinner at 6 - every single business traveller is always trying to angle their way onto an earlier flight at every opportunity. No one likes hanging out in airports more than they have to. 2. Layover outbound/no layover inbound - Are you sure your analysis involves all possible -connecting- flights? I strongly doubt it. The fact that he continues to express honest effort to meet should be the main consideration. Up to you whether you could consider dating someone with frequent travel and the chance of messed up travel plans (some people can't handle it, just as others can't handle dating someone with frequent work interruptions), but IMO, there just isn't any convincing evidence that he has lied to you at this point.
Sabali Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Meh, it's internet dating, contradictions are almost a given. I myself see silence as a more appropriate response to such a glaring red flag as this. Unless you enjoy drama, there's not much point to a response. What are you going to say? Admitting to checking out airport flights just gives credence to his ego (hey, I cared enough to check you out!)- I still think that complete silence is a better response. D-Lish, pack your bags. You are running away with me now!
lso802 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Calling him out would be interesting. You can do it for fun. Best way to go would just to ignore the guy altogether. From his actions, it seems like he doesn't respect your time nor cares about losing you.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 When dating frequent fliers, making assumptions based on supposed inconsistencies in their flight plans is a bad idea if you don't want to waste good opportunities. 1. Flying in at 6/dinner at 6 - every single business traveller is always trying to angle their way onto an earlier flight at every opportunity. No one likes hanging out in airports more than they have to. 2. Layover outbound/no layover inbound - Are you sure your analysis involves all possible -connecting- flights? I strongly doubt it. The fact that he continues to express honest effort to meet should be the main consideration. Up to you whether you could consider dating someone with frequent travel and the chance of messed up travel plans (some people can't handle it, just as others can't handle dating someone with frequent work interruptions), but IMO, there just isn't any convincing evidence that he has lied to you at this point. This, this, this. When I am scheduled to land at 7:15 p.m., I often say 8, because I factor in the time it takes me to disembark the aircraft, get my bags (if any) from baggage claim, and get to my car. If I'm flying out of certain airports where delay is inevitable, I might even add a couple hours. I can't imagine that some guy might actually be checking my airport's flight schedule to make sure I'm being honest.
2sunny Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 the need to check up on someone who keeps changing their story before you even meet tells me everything... but it may be worth giving it one more shot to see if he makes the effort and is a man of his word. meet him later in the week if YOU want to - on your terms... throw out there one day and time that works for you - if he takes it with no adjustments = he is making the effort to MAKE it work - for you.
2sunny Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Another friend says I won't find anyone to date this way, because all guys lie. this isn't true. not all men lie. not all women lie. a man (woman) that says what he means and does what he says is not a liar. since he hasn't been a man of his word - he has to prove that he can be good for his word from here on out - or else he's just supporting the lousy behavior he's already started with. he's started out on the wrong foot. IF he's going to earn back your trust in him - he's going to need to keep his word. give him a chance - on YOUR terms now. no more consideration is needed by you to bend to his requests at this point. he gave up that chance already. he should make an effort to make it up to you with consistency and by keeping his word. respect is earned. he needs to earn it now that he's already messed up his chance.
Author good_vibes Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 The fact that you checked up on him like this, someone you never met, is kinda weird and creepy, IMO. Please don't tell him you know. Look... You've never met. He really owes you nothing by way of explanation for wanting to reschedule. Perhaps he is just thinking he won't feel up for being social after returning from travel, but thinks it would be rude to say that? Sounds like he's just giving you an excuse to reschedule...and really, at this point, what's wrong with that? It's not like he's cancelling. I don't think it's weird and creepy since he had already changed his story a couple times, the weirdness is on him. It's also something that takes anyone with half a brain about 20 seconds to check online, it's not like I spent hours researching it. Even after his first contradiction I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but after the next it gave me a weird vibe like he already had a girlfriend he was meeting for dinner, and was trying to hide/schedule around that. I think people should always go with their first intuitions. When I've gone against mine, I've later regretted it. Also if he was not going to feel social after returning from his travel, why not just say that, rather than lie? IMO if someone is going to lie before I even meet them, what's it going to be like later? Yeah he is good looking, but oh well. Do I want to date a good looking but dishonest person? Nope. This was a couple days ago, and I have moved on already. I am too busy to deal with this anyway as I'm leaving for Italy in a couple days myself. I just wanted some opinions b/c my friend suggested I should at least reply with something, and I thought the situation was odd to begin with.
sanskrit Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 You obviously didn't want to date him anyway, as you ignored the only two people in the thread who display any sort of frequent travel knowledge. Stating again, based on your OP, there is no reason whatsoever to think this guy has lied to you.
Author good_vibes Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 You obviously didn't want to date him anyway, as you ignored the only two people in the thread who display any sort of frequent travel knowledge. Stating again, based on your OP, there is no reason whatsoever to think this guy has lied to you. No, I don't want to date people who are dishonest. If you think he was so honest, you date him! I'm done with this. And the only two people in this thread that display any sort of frequent travel knowledge? Oh, please! I am a photojournalist and I've been to every continent. As I said, I leave for Italy in a couple days, I just got back from Seattle and then E. Kentucky last week. Are you referring to the person who said, "When I am scheduled to land at 7:15 p.m., I often say 8, because I factor in the time it takes me to disembark the aircraft, get my bags (if any) from baggage claim, and get to my car. If I'm flying out of certain airports where delay is inevitable, I might even add a couple hours..."?? I already said this airport is small. He was only going for a day and a half so especially if he is an experienced traveler, he would not have any checked luggage and on a Sunday night you can clear the airport and get to most anywhere in town in about 15 minutes. And yeah analysis would be for connecting flights. It takes about 2 seconds if you know where to look. Anyway this thread is stale and the topic is old. Moving on...
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