Ella whispers Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I have major relationship issues that I have been working really hard on for the past month or so. I don't trust easily and as soon as I get feelings I run. In each relationship since my last very long term one, 12 years, I noticed a pattern. As soon as I get to where I feel something I close off. I have sabotaged my relationships and myself for a long time. My shrink brought this to my attention last month. I broke up w/ a guy that I liked a lot after seeing him for about 6 months because I felt something was wrong. It could be but it could also be that it's about the time I run. I texted him an apology for telling him the issue I had and then telling him to kick rocks and not giving him the chance to fix it if he wanted. We met for lunch the next day and he stayed at my house that night. We talked, like really talked about everything and since I know my issue I have worked on not running and just being happy with him and faithful, which is hard after being single for the past 4 years, at least not a commited one. We have been spending a lot of time together and I have been open and honest and felt pretty good. His ex-wife lives in another state. I admit to facebook stalking his posts on her wall (facebook is the devil) and have seen how he still talks to her. Understanding they have a child and were married, they will always be connected. I think that's a good thing because I don't have a good relationship with my daughter's father. We spent the last few nights together and everything has been great. We were talking about how we are in a good place and he's glad. He got a little wierd and then told me that his ex-wife has stage IV cervical cancer. His sister and he had both made comments about what he is going to do this summer as far as where he will live. I have lost family members and friends to cancer and watching someone die that way is horrible. He has custody of their 7 year old. One part of me says, she should move back here w/ them. What about her bf? Would he come here? What will my bf expect from me? Why talk about living situation? I have been spending time with his family and friends and went there for Halloween with all of them. It would serve me right for realizing my mistake and trying to be a better person only to get sh$% on. Karma ows me as much as I owe Karma. He wants nothing to change. He said if she were to come back here he would have to move her here. Do I stay in as long as I can? Wouldn't thier son resent me? My daughter would certainly resent a woman in my position at a time like this. My head hurts as much as my heart, while it's deserved of course, I don't know what to do. Day by day is all I can think for right now.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I have a friend like this who disappears when the relationship is promising. What has your counselor said about this phenomenon?
You Go Girl Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You could google "fear of intimacy" and "emotionally unavailable" and "intimacy avoidant" to see if any of these traits fit you. What I suggest you don't do is come down hard on yourself and imagine all these traits fit you if they do not. I don't want to help create a complex in you that doesn't exist. Kinda like when we look up cancer symptoms, and if we look up enough of them, we're convinced we have it. So don't do that!
Author Ella whispers Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thank you for your input, I appreciate it. My therapist has made comments about people that allow themselves to be swallowed up by relationships believing that they can rely on others for happiness. Maybe that's what you mean?
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