hearttobreak Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I was talking to this girl on the phone trying to setup a date for Saturday. She sounds very interested and said I have plans with a girlfriend, but let me see if I can switch them to Friday or Sunday. Then, thinking I might loose her, I offered Friday too. Did I screw up bad by showing that I'm open both nights?
sanskrit Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 You didn't really mess up. When asking women on first dates, consider Mon-Wed dates. It's different than other guys, and will allow you both to avoid the "plans/no plans on the weekend" dance.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Its a second date. Since it is Monday, I would think it would be early enough, as most women would had said can't do it or already had plans. But she said she's going to see if she can move things around. I would think that's a step in the right direction. No?
sanskrit Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Yes, but it depends. I always hear "brushoff" when I hear that, but have been pleasantly surprised the last few times I've heard it that the woman did get back quickly and had changed the plans so we could have the date. You will have your answer soon enough. What you really have to watch out for in these situations is the "friend" in question. If it's a cool friend, np, but if it's the psycho friend, they will whine and gripe even if the "plans" were to watch "Friends" reruns.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Here's hoping her friend doesn't screw it up for me.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 The girl texts me today saying hi and what's going on. I then asked if we were on for Saturday night. She now said she can't as she's doing a shower with her friend, but wants to hang out again. She suggested we meet for Sunday for dinner. Notice she did not suggest hanging out Friday. I replied and said I understand. Maybe another time. Did not hear back. Its dead right?
that girl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 The girl texts me today saying hi and what's going on. I then asked if we were on for Saturday night. She now said she can't as she's doing a shower with her friend, but wants to hang out again. She suggested we meet for Sunday for dinner. Notice she did not suggest hanging out Friday. I replied and said I understand. Maybe another time. Did not hear back. Its dead right? You're being a paranoid freak. She's busy and she suggested another date. It is totally not a bad sign.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 She originally said she's going to move things around and then, two days later, can't do it. It sounds like a string. Just keeping me around but has low interest. Again, after I said maybe another time, never heard back. So, it sounds like a low interest situation. If she was interested, she could had suggested Friday, but suggested an early dinner on Sunday.
that girl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 She originally said she's going to move things around and then, two days later, can't do it. It sounds like a string. Just keeping me around but has low interest. Again, after I said maybe another time, never heard back. So, it sounds like a low interest situation. If she was interested, she could had suggested Friday, but suggested an early dinner on Sunday. Didn't she say she was going to try to switch her plans? That means whether or not the other plans will be moved depends on someone else. And why would you respond "Maybe some other time" when she suggested meeting up on Sunday? Are you busy on Sunday? Why not suggest a specific day then? It seems like you are looking for signs of low interest. Stop reading Ask Men, it isn't helping you.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 (edited) If Saturday was busy, no problem, if you have interest in me, then you could had suggested Friday. No one dates on a Sunday. We already had our first date on a Monday last week. Never read ask men, going off the vibe. If she came back with Friday or next weekend, I would feel that she has an interest in me. Sunday = little to no interest. Notice I had to bring it up, she did not bring it up. And yes, I am busy Sunday. I have Church and family dinner every Sunday. Which, she already knew, as we talked about it on the first date. Edited November 4, 2010 by hearttobreak
sanskrit Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Regardless that people don't date on Sundays, she suggested it as the next available night. Would do Sunday in your shoes, or if that's inconvenient for you, start over and ask out for a day next week. If they are brushing you off, they never suggest a specific other night. EDIT: Be glad she didn't suggest friday, keep weekends for yourself early in dating. Consider not starting with the weekend dates until you've had several dates.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Since I replied as ok maybe another time, that probably killed it anyways. I was shocked that she said that, so I just replied such as that. She originally said I think I can make it, then she two days later starts texting hey, whats going on, etc. If I didn't bring it up, she probably would not of said anything. Since we saw each other two Monday's ago, even suggesting the next Friday, she's probably already lost interest. She was gone last weekend, so I could not do anything then. So basically three weeks for another date. If a girl was interested in you, really interested in you, no matter how busy she is, she would had made time. Not on a Sunday, on a Friday or Saturday as those are date nites. Sunday is no a date night. It is like meeting for dinner or drinks during the week. It is not a real date night. It is a blow off night. Keep you in the wings until something else comes along. At first, she was really excited when I asked her out Monday for Saturday. Coming back with a Sunday date really shows that I am not Friday or Saturday material in her book. Even a couple of women I asked said the same. One said, consider it a consolation prize, but the chance you are going to get anywhere with her romantically or relationship wise is not very likely. It is a gentle blow off. She'll then say you're a really nice guy but I just don't feel that spark I am looking for. This was the reason why I was not offered a Friday night. When, on the phone, she said she may be busy Saturday, so I offered Friday. If there was an interest, she could had said let's do it Friday. But she came back on Sunday. Sunday you do with friends, not potential relationship partners. Obviously, if she has an interest, she can text or call me back and say next weekend, as doing Friday since its already Thursday would make me look lame, but this is normal behavior in the online dating world. They are always looking for something better. I would expect this in the big cities, not Delaware.
welikeincrowds Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You're overthinking this way too much. I say this as someone who can relate. All of these things are so minor compared to, say, the way you look, or how you make her feel when you're with her. So you suggested a different day, so what? What person would really conclude from that "Wow, he suggested Friday too!?!? This is outrageous, who does this loser think he is?!?!? LOW. INTEREST." Oh wait -- you would. "I cannot BELIEVE she offered to get dinner on Sunday. She should KNOW I'm busy on Sunday. Besides, no one really dates on Sunday. Who does this girl think she is!?!?! LOW. INTEREST." Your posts read like Larry David dialogue, except without the self-awareness. We forgive George Costanza for the same reason we forgive ourselves -- because it's funny. This situation of yours: it's funny. It's typical dating **** -- not doing what you really want (and regretting it if you do), not saying what you really mean (and regretting it if you do) -- and we can all relate to it in some form. Forgive yourself. It's just scheduling. No one pays close attention to the secretary. The real business happens in the meeting.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 (edited) Maybe so, but there are two date nights of the week. She did not offer either this week or next week which equates to little to no interest. And that is surprising cause it seemed we hit it off at the first date. She even said she wanted to do something this week. Surprising what a week's time lapse does to a woman's feelings. She wants to keep me around as plan B, where plan A is more for hanging with her girlfriends or a better man. A date on Sunday is not the same as a date on Friday or Saturday. Also never heard back from maybe some other time, just silence. If there was interest there, she could had said well let me know or suggest another more appropriate night. Edited November 4, 2010 by hearttobreak
welikeincrowds Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Maybe so, but there are two date nights of the week. Bro. Every night of the week is a date night if you have a date on that night. That's just all there is to it. You can't assume that everyone has applied the same arbitrary hierarchy system to their Friday, Saturday, Sunday, etc. Personally, my favorite days to date are weekdays, especially if a sleepover can happen. If I made time for you on a Wednesday night, that's a really good sign for you. And you're wrong about her reaction to the "maybe another time" text. You realize it reads like a blow off, right? If I got a text like that, I would have stopped reading when I got to the word "maybe" (you should just remove it from your vocabulary, period), say to myself "OK, whatever", and close the phone. She's not going to schedule the next date for you. You're going to have to call her.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Two blow offs are a charm, no? One blow off doesn't equal another?
welikeincrowds Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Two blow offs are a charm, no? One blow off doesn't equal another? I don't know what you mean, but you need to stop placing so much importance on her feelings. Who cares if you're on her back burner (which I doubt)? The difference between low heat and high heat is just the turn of the dial when the pilot is still lit. But that's not the point. This is your life. Go after what you want. Don't stop until it's obvious that you can't get it, or you don't want it anymore. And by the way, psyching yourself out because you're fearful of impending rejection doesn't count as "not wanting it anymore." Call her and make a real plan already.
sanskrit Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Weeknight dates are better. Several times, a woman whom I have been dating on Mon-Wed nights starts getting a tiny bit insecure and blurts out, "SO... I guess I'm just your weeknight girl, not good enough for the weekend?!?" (she's joking of course, but also fishing) and then you have them in the somewhat unbalanced state you need them to be in early on to short-circuit all the normal female noise and flake potential. Early dating is MUCH better for the man when he is able to project a sense of being in demand and socially busy on the weekends. And this shouldn't be insincere, your weekend plans should not be blocked up with first dates (weekend days are ok). But the main reason, as stated before, is that weekend time is your special YOU time not to be given away until a woman proves over time that she is worth giving that time to. Smart women are treating early dates the exact same way, and are much more likely to say yes to a weeknight date early on than a weekend date. Works for both sides.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Already have plenty of me time. Hence the fact I rather have we time. She wants to do drinks and dinner again. We did that last week on Monday. Plus, I guess the maybe some other time was not that greatest thing to say. Should had just waited a bit to think about it. Probably killed it from there. It was a knee jerk reaction. Since I took it as a blow off, I returned the blow off to her Sunday. Again, all Roman Catholics know Sunday is Mass and family get togethers We talked about this immensely last Monday. Still, I think she did it partly to see my reaction. Most women know if you shoot down the guy on Saturday and offer them a Sunday, it is a a different type of date. Regardless of how much they say they really want to see you again. It is second class.
that girl Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 hearttobreak you are reading way too much into things. She was busy, she suggested another date very soon. She doesn't seem disinterested. Fine, Sunday doesn't work for you, suggest another day. Stop shooting yourself in the foot. And ignore Sanskrit. Lots of women will just stop responding to you if they feel like you have some unbreakable weekend plans. It screams "You are the piece on the side." Nothing wrong with weekend or weeknight dates, just don't make a game of it.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Not all girls play this weird, diabolical dating games. For example, if I say I'm busy it's because I'm busy. That's it. Doesn't mean I'm keeping the guy on the back burner or that my interest in low. It means I'm busy. In fact, I set up a date with a guy I am VERY interested in....3 weeks from now. Would I have liked to see him sooner? Yes, but I simply can't. Because I'm busy.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Not all girls play these weird, diabolical dating games. For example, if I say I'm busy it's because I'm busy. That's it. Doesn't mean I'm keeping the guy on the back burner or that my interest is low. It means I'm busy. In fact, I set up a date with a guy I am VERY interested in....3 weeks from now. Would I have liked to see him sooner? Yes, but I simply can't. Because I'm busy.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 If she was interested, she would had suggested the Friday after, not a Sunday.
Sarah1977 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 If she was interested, she would had suggested the Friday after, not a Sunday. Or maybe she just really really wanted to see you sooner than that and Sunday was open for her? Why would I wait around another week to see a guy I like if I have a time sooner? Dude, you're a little nutty. No offense.
Author hearttobreak Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Aren't we all. From that text, I just wasn't getting the same vibe as when we spoke or met. Felt more friendly then datingly. Not looking for friends.
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