jude007 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Hey there, so if you take time to read my story, then you will see my ex walked out on me in Feb. MY summer got better when I met another girl, albeit she lives in another city, 1 hours flight away now... anyway we have seen each other for 3 months now, and its going as well as it could do - we speak everyday.... I recently fell ill, and was in hospital, for a couple of weeks, everyone including the new girl, was worried.... And then on my return from hospital, a card, txts, messages, from my ex, she contacted my parents.... claiming she is worried - it screwed my head right up again.... I stupidly replied to the txts, and before I knew it - I was on the end of a barriage of texts one minute asking how I was to..... you have a new girlfriend, why did you not tell me, you showed me no respect, I just found out from one of my mates you have someone else in your life now.??? I was like? I havent seen or had anything from my ex in almost 4 months! - and she gives me all that? One thing I realised as I watch my life flash by me in hospital - is that I wanted to at least be civil with this person? now I wish I never replied to her - opened her get well card? I asked her to come in if she wanted, I got the you have a new girlfriend I dont want to cause hassle!? Its all confusing, and I was very mixed up on the phone to the new girl tonight, and she sensed something was wrong? please give me help, and make some sense of this for me? why is the ex in contact? and should I say anything to the new girl? The truth is I like the new girl, but I think I still love my ex..... im confused, recovering from an illness and really down with this.... I look to you guys for strength i guess.....
Am4Real Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 The truth is I like the new girl, but I think I still love my ex..... im confused, recovering from an illness and really down with this.... I look to you guys for strength i guess.....Hey Jude (sorry couldn’t resist), I’ll give you credit for admitting you may still have feelings for your EX; at least now you know there is work to do and I’ll explain in a bit what that might entail. However, returning your EX’s texts was dumb, really dumb, you should have known that opening the door to communications via TEXT is highly immature and practically begs for miscommunications and unintended assumptions. Seems like you were dealt the entire hand of misfortune this round… Let’s get busy…first your EX was satisfying her curiosity and using your illness as an excuse to pry. Period. She didn’t make mention of reconciliation or having made the biggest mistake of her life in leaving you, did she? No, all she did is pry for information about you, your new life and your new girlfriend. And what did you do…you fell for the game and that’s what this is my friend, a game that she controls, referees and is winning over you. Since you have feeling(s) for your EX you have a choice. Take her handouts and be further strung along or get back to your healing process and make NO CONTACT with your EX whatsoever. At the very least the new girl is receiving the raw end of the deal while you make up your mind and ponder about your feelings. Look, your EX dumped you; she initiated contact using your illness as an excuse to pry into your personal life; she berates you moving on with your life in subtle words saying you didn’t tell her about the new girl (like you are still accountable to her), etc. Is this really the type of girl you deserve? Come ‘on, you can do better than this…you were doing so well…pick yourself up and get your life back on track. Unless you prefer the life described in the first sentences of the preceding paragraph… Good luck, Am4Real
Author jude007 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 easier said than done, and I agree, but I am also attending a wedding in a few weeks, she will be there..... not sure how to handle that..... she manages to play this game everytime, see other threads.... im a sucker.... advise on the wedding be great thanks for reply. I just felt that, not replying wasnt me, as I am a nice guy...
Author jude007 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 and why on earth is the ex doing this?? she hasnt moved on perhaps? her last txt was we are now 8 months, we are both trying to move on, and im pleased for you, however we promised each other that we would say to the other person if we met someone? not hearing it from a friend? I think you should think if the shoe was on the other foot? I said, to her, your words of concern are appreciated, but thats all they are - words - your actions in feb showed enough - take care. She replied you obviously dont know me very well, that is the worst text you ever sent me. your right... all a game.... its just tough, her friends, are my friends partners, etc.... Dont you love small towns!
Am4Real Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 and why on earth is the ex doing this?? she hasnt moved on perhaps? her last txt was we are now 8 months, we are both trying to move on, and im pleased for you, however we promised each other that we would say to the other person if we met someone? not hearing it from a friend? I think you should think if the shoe was on the other foot? I said, to her, your words of concern are appreciated, but thats all they are - words - your actions in feb showed enough - take care. She replied you obviously dont know me very well, that is the worst text you ever sent me. your right... all a game.... its just tough, her friends, are my friends partners, etc.... Dont you love small towns! No, I just hate TEXT messaging for communications regarding relationships and things that matter or are supposed to matter. I've said it in many posts and will repeat here...if you want a REAL relationship then use a REAL form of communication. TEXT, FaceBook and the like do more for miscommunications, bad interpretations and supposition causing more harm than had nothing been said at all. Just review the thousands of posts like yours in these forums; so many talk about the miscue of a TEXT message or a bad FaceBook experience. If you have something to say to this girl then get off your duff and invite her for a coffee or something, then use good old fashion verbal communication to say what it is you have to. It may not bring about the results you desire but it will surely not bring about the confusion the current methods are promoting.
Author jude007 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 I agree, I asked her to come to see me, she wanted to at first, then I have got better from a health, point of view, and she advised that, its prob best if she didnt? Its all very confusing, maybe your right, let sleeping dogs lie
Am4Real Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I agree, I asked her to come to see me, she wanted to at first, then I have got better from a health, point of view, and she advised that, its prob best if she didnt? Its all very confusing, maybe your right, let sleeping dogs lie Yes it's confusing for you but not to the objective eye and opinion. Many cases are in these forums where the gal or the guy are not wanting their EX but not letting them go (totally) either...especially now that you have a new love interest (even if it’s not love) her curiosity and her hooks are wanting to sink deeper. It's aselfish and pitiful act! Just REMEMBER this paragraph from the first post...perhaps write it down and carry it with you: She didn’t make mention of reconciliation or having made the biggest mistake of her life in leaving you, did she? No, all she did is pry for information about you, your new life and your new girlfriend. And what did you do…you fell for the game and that’s what this is my friend, a game that she controls, referees and is winning over you. Go NO CONTACT and start working on yourself for the long term.. Believe me the next really great girl (either the one you have and don't know yet) or another will show up when you least expect it. It always works that way. Years or maybe even months from now you'll be looking back and be shaking your head in disbeleif when comparing your new girl to this one. Just watch!!
Author jude007 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Hey there ok so she contacted me today, again - asked if I she could pop in and see me? The thing is I am going to see her at a wedding next week.. What do you think? Say yes or tell her that it's not good idea? Still don't understand it
Author jude007 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Hey, there folks. So I stupidly let her come and see me, we chatted, she was lovely, but as she was leaving I knew that she was looking for a kiss, hug, etc I just let her go... and that was that, the next day despite speaking to my new girl, I was a bit unsure, and thought I was still in love with my ex....... i tell my best mate, about it all... he stops me, and says - look - I didnt want to telll you but she is full of ****, she has been banging Kevs wee brother who is 24.... Everyone knows and you dont because you can be in hospital. That hit me for six, but you know what Im glad its happened, goin near someone so close to me, or my friends shows the person she is, I will never ever speak to her, or look at her again. This was what I needed, I am now ready to give it more than 110% with the new girl, that part of my life - in the past is dead. thanks to everyone for there thoughts, and help.... I now see someone I loved, for what she is, Im so glad I we split up now. cheers
Am4Real Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Hey, there folks. So I stupidly let her come and see me i tell my best mate, about it all... he stops me, and says - look - I didnt want to telll you but she is full of ****, she has been banging Kevs wee brother who is 24.... Everyone knows and you dont because you can be in hospital. I'm glad you "finally" get it. Just to make sure I'm pasting it for you one more time (this is the thrid time now). Come'on brother -- be strong now!! She didn’t make mention of reconciliation or having made the biggest mistake of her life in leaving you, did she? No, all she did is pry for information about you, your new life and your new girlfriend. And what did you do…you fell for the game and that’s what this is my friend, a game that she controls, referees and is winning over you.Go NO CONTACT and start working on yourself for the long term.. Believe me the next really great girl (either the one you have and don't know yet) or another will show up when you least expect it. It always works that way.
coltsfan1 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 take the advice above and leave her alone, some people are broken and want to stay that way!! Just walk away, try with the new gal she might be what you have been wanting all along!! good luck with the new gal!!
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