OceanGirl Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 My boss's wife is celebrating her 40th birthday and has invited me (given my past long term crush on my boss, I kind of lol-ed at that). Anyhow, the invite is for me + the partner. Quite a few of my co-workers will be there. They all have long term partners. I went to few work functions alone and it was no big deal. But I have been working there for almost 5 years now. It's like 5 years later: still single Some of my co-workers know that I date a lot but am not in a relationship. Most don't and I would prefer to keep it that way. The thing is; I don't want to be judged for being single. And I know people do that. I know that my incapability to find a steady relationship will make me seem less "worthy" in their eyes. I am not sure if I should make an excuse and not go but I already did that with a co-worker's wedding and another birthday party. I am half thinking of bringing some random OKC date. The problem is, currently I do not feel like dating at all. So dating some random online dude for a specific purpose of him accompanying me to that event is insincere. I honestly would be reasonably happy with being single if only stupid society would stop judging me for it
Cracker Jack Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I've gotten to the point where I just don't care. I couldn't care less about what society "believes", since it does nothing for me in the long-run. I'd love to be in a relationship, but that's because I desire companionship. Btw, who exactly is judging you?
EasyHeart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I don't want to be judged for being single. And I know people do that. I know that my incapability to find a steady relationship will make me seem less "worthy" in their eyes.This is news to me. You don't think people actually judge you as less worthy because you're single, do you? That's silly.
Surrealist Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 No need to ever feel ashamed at being single. I do concede that some in society do judge people for being single and I've even read (on other blogs) some outright judgmental comments as to why people are single - which is just ridiculous. These events may present opportunities for you to meet someone as well?
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 This is news to me. You don't think people actually judge you as less worthy because you're single, do you? That's silly. It's news to me as well. I don't think I'm judged for being single at all. But it explains alot about OP. She judges/values herself by standards that the rest of us do not.
JungleLover Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 There is no problem here. Is it mandatory that you go? You don't actually believe that you are the only long term single person known by your coworkers do you?
JungleLover Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 It's news to me as well. I don't think I'm judged for being single at all. But it explains alot about OP. She judges/values herself by standards that the rest of us do not. I've been reading a bit on this forum lately. I am sure this will turn into a thread viewed by millions and a million replies of intervention.
dispatch3d Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 people probably put more thought into how the cars are parked outside of their apartment than whether you are single or not. Seriously it really is only a big deal to you. You are the center of your universe, they are the center of theirs. And yeah I find it annoying too. Both of my roomates are dating, and for halloween they both wanted to go as couples costumes. Kill me now! haha meh just stop taking everything so serious.
sanskrit Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Lots of the people who ostensibly judge someone for being single are simply jealous as hell.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 It's news to me as well. I don't think I'm judged for being single at all. But it explains alot about OP. She judges/values herself by standards that the rest of us do not. Actually, I have read some pretty nasty blogs and heard things in real life that make me think otherwise. Things like if someone is over 30 and single, there must be something wrong with them. If someone is perma-single, well that's even worse. Sadly, people DO judge you on it. Just like they do if you are obese or what not. I know that in a perfect world none of it should matter but let's get real.
Knittress Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I don't think OceanGirl is making this up. I do agree that that the older a person gets the more there seems to be a tendency from some quarters for folks to be quietly wondering, "Well, what's wrong with THEM that nobody wants to be with them?" Especially women - since it's socially believable, if not entirely acceptable, for a man to be enjoying sleeping around so much that he can't be bothered to settle down. But really - paying attention to these folks is not going to help you at all. There is always going to be someone saying/thinking that there's something wrong with you, no matter what. So just ignore them and live, already.
LisaLee Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Do you have a male friend you can take? Don't take a random OKC guy, that would be weird. Because someone will inevitably ask your date "So how long have you known OG?" and wouldn't the response "Meh, this is our first meeting" be more mortifying than going stag?
Surrealist Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Lots of the people who ostensibly judge someone for being single are simply jealous as hell. Lol sorry I just chuckled at this comment, kinda funny because maybe for those who are in relationships that do judge single people are wishing they were out and single again themselves. I forget who said it but to paraphrase: "When you're married you feel like killing your spouse. When you're single you feel like killing yourself." A very sad quote! Please forgive my morbid sense of humor!
yah Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 If you feel uncomfortable going alone, then the most simple solution is to bring a male friend as your +1. I wouldn't bring a random guy off the internet; it is a work function afterall.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Actually, I have read some pretty nasty blogs and heard things in real life that make me think otherwise. Things like if someone is over 30 and single, there must be something wrong with them. If someone is perma-single, well that's even worse. Sadly, people DO judge you on it. Just like they do if you are obese or what not. I know that in a perfect world none of it should matter but let's get real. If people are judging me, I could care less. It's my life, not theirs...and I'm happy. If you were happy, I doubt you'd care what anyone else thought.
paleblue Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Things like if someone is over 30 and single, there must be something wrong with them. If someone is perma-single, well that's even worse. Yeah I've heard this before point blank. What's wrong with him, why isn't he married. Like just because I havent settled, or haven't got that lucky yet? There is something wrong with me?? It's annoying.
EricaH329 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I have never noticed that people judge others for being single. It certainly hasn't felt that way to me. IMO, that's such a petty thing to judge someone about. I suppose maybe I don't notice it because I own my single-ness (yes, I did just make up my own word ). I say you go to that function, by yourself, with your head held high. People should be asking, "Why is that girl single?!" not in a negative tone, but more of a "That girl is great!! I can't believe no one has snagged her yet!"
EasyHeart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 If people are judging me, I could care less. It's my life, not theirs...and I'm happy. If you were happy, I doubt you'd care what anyone else thought.Exactly. The only person whose opinion matters about you is --- YOU!
allina Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Don't give them the opportunity to judge you. March in there with your head high and an attitude that says you are just fine being single. If anyone makes a rude comment or jokes about you being dateless tell them you're unwilling to settle but that you're sure you'll meet the right guy and commit one day, then smile and move on. Someone will always judge you for something.
taiko Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 This is news to me. You don't think people actually judge you as less worthy because you're single, do you? That's silly. They absolutely do in my wife's homeland the concept of "old maid" is strongly held and used to describe women. For a nation which prides itself on being super religious it is socially better to be a single mother or mistress then an old maid. And for men in America people look strangely at them if they reach 40 without marrying or having messed up and left a woman with a child only there is no corresponding term to old maid
ascendotum Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Don't give them the opportunity to judge you. March in there with your head high and an attitude that says you are just fine being single. If anyone makes a rude comment or jokes about you being dateless tell them you're unwilling to settle but that you're sure you'll meet the right guy and commit one day, then smile and move on. Someone will always judge you for something. Chances are people wont make outright rude comments, they will more likely make subtle but slightly snide remarks with the person laughing to try and some off as not being rude. Sometimes people will have a dig at you then try and cancel it out with a 'ahh I'm only joking'. After 5 yrs being with your co-workers and still single I can understand your agnst. I reckon it would be a bad idea to take a random first date OKC guy along to a social outing like this. Better to go alone and do your best to enjoy yourself and have others notice you are enjoying life as it is for you now or try rope a male friend in for the day. If people niggle you about where's your man, you could always tell them how you don't normally take your FBs out to social gatherings.
dispatch3d Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Actually, I have read some pretty nasty blogs and heard things in real life that make me think otherwise. Things like if someone is over 30 and single, there must be something wrong with them. If someone is perma-single, well that's even worse. Sadly, people DO judge you on it. Just like they do if you are obese or what not. I know that in a perfect world none of it should matter but let's get real. that's great. I really only care about my own opinion about myself. No "perfect world" stuff. I wouldn't even view this kind of thing as "shame". I don't know if I put a word to it. Just annoyance, and I move on and think about other things, like whether I should watch the matrix now, or should I work on accounting more, etc.
allina Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Chances are people wont make outright rude comments, they will more likely make subtle but slightly snide remarks with the person laughing to try and some off as not being rude. Sometimes people will have a dig at you then try and cancel it out with a 'ahh I'm only joking'. This would be a great opportunity to reply with "well seeing how miserable you are with your bf makes me want to stay single, ahh I'm only joking." Though I honestly feel that if someone judges the OP for being single it's a reflection on them not her. The OP is still young, she is highly educated and I assume that she holds a respected position at work. Anyone that judges her for being single is just insecure and looking for something to make them self feel better.
eerie_reverie Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I feel like I've been judged/ pitied for being perma-single at 24, so I understand how you feel. However, think of it this way. At least your not your philandering boss' wife.
D-Lish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I honestly would be reasonably happy with being single if only stupid society would stop judging me for it Meh, don't let society scare you out of having a good time. I am "thee" single friend according to my friends. When I go to functions, I am inevitably the only one NOT coupled up. Holidays are hard, relatives look at me sideways as a 41 year old that hasn't brought a date around since 2005. Thankfully I have a cousin that is a bi-polar alcoholic that always takes the heat off of me. By the end of family get togethers, I am rarely the focus of other people's pity:lmao:. Her head in the punch-bowl spewing obscenities as her parents scramble to get a blanket over her head as they throw her into their car is always a great distraction to pull people's attention from the fact that I don't have a date in tow.
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