Anger over Silent Treatment

[WTRanger]

Week 3 of the silent treatment and all around ignore-fest, and I've got to say my personal anger is on a hair trigger. In public, I'm fine. At home when I'm alone, I find myself ranting and raving like a lunatic. I still have no clue why she stood me up when I traveled all the way out there to spend some time with her. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was dead. But at least if she was dead, I could accept that she can't respond. But she's not dead, well at least physically.

 

The silent treatment, it's just so silent. It's annoying, frustrating, and all around suck-fest. The thing is, the more it goes on the more I fight not to think that somehow I did something to warrant this. It's like, I must have done something to be punished like that. It's so damn gutless on her part. I feel as if it has stripped every layer away from me.

 

I do find myself starting to teeter on acceptance, but rage is still the name of the game now. I really struggle not to reach out, I feel like I'm playing the silent game. But I also know there's no point to reach out. She's not going to respond anyways. I've said what I needed to say already. But apparently, owing up to her actions is a bit too much for this girl. She's in her late 20's for Christ's sake! It's like a child who craps their pants, then hides in the closet so their parents won't find out.

 

I just hate this. I hate it with a passion. God forbid, what if something happened to me? Is this the way she'd want to have the last memory? If something did happen, I can bet she'd be the one crying the hardest at the funeral and all of my friends asking her what the F she's doing there. She couldn't give a rat's ass about me when I was alive.

 

It's like reading the best book ever only to find out the last chapter is missing. The DVD has had the movie ending scratched off. Sure, you can make your own ending. But you have about a billion different ways in your head it can end.

[bl22]

"I just hate this. I hate it with a passion. God forbid, what if something happened to me? Is this the way she'd want to have the last memory? If something did happen, I can bet she'd be the one crying the hardest at the funeral and all of my friends asking her what the F she's doing there. She couldn't give a rat's ass about me when I was alive."

 

couldnt agree more

[swfc_77]

your over-thinking about things mate, i miss my ex like crazy and the It's like a child who craps their pants, then hides in the closet so their parents won't find out. sticks out to me too.

 

whats helping me throught this hard time is the fact that i dont want to be with someone like that.

 

i dont want to be with someone who runs away instead of facing life/relationship problems.

 

you can't change people in life, let them make their own choices/mistakes

 

i wish my ex all the best and hope she does well in life but i dont want to be any part of it anymore in anyway because it comes down to the fact i dont really like her as a person.

 

lifes way too short to be wasting time with people who dont want to be helped. if your ex thinks she has all the answers let her answer the questions and see where she ends up.

 

i still love my ex and think about her every hour of everyday, but she is not the person i thought she was.

 

im slowly realising that the person i loved was not real.

 

hope your ok soon mate.

[WTRanger]

Where I'm at right now is simple. Mentally, I know what I need to do to create my Self closure, understanding, and forgiveness. I understand what she did, or didn't do, her actions are closure enough.

 

Emotionally, I'm not not ready yet. Working towards it, but still meeting a lot of inner chatter and resistance.

 

I'll go hours or days without ruminating things and keeping my mind off of her. Then days like today, all of that just slams into me. They are getting less frequent, less intensively prolonged but they are still here. I think a lot of the resistance is the two versions of her are at war. The girl I thought she was versus the girl she actually is. I know I need to let the girl I thought she was surrender, but I'm still wanting to let her fight as well. In fact, counter to what should be normal, the silent treatment makes me want to fight harder. The damn crying child Ego is getting in the way.

 

I guess I got spoiled in my other break-ups in life. We always ended them fairly amicably, even the bad one many moons back still at least had a final chapter. We both agreed that we had a wild ride but as people we weren't compatible. It's just strange that my break-ups in my late teens and early to mid 20's where a lot more mature than this break-up in my late 20's. Seems a bit backwards, but I know there are billions of people on this planet and I'm bound to meet a few nutjobs here and there.

 

Though, it's better to be ranting on here than reaching out to her.

[swfc_77]

fu..ck her off mate there is a breed off women out there at the minute who have no respect for other.

 

they read too many magazines, watch too many shows and always think the grass is greener.

 

i'v read some of your posts in the past and you are a clever guy. your only here once why waste it on some1 immature, selfish and lets be honest a tw4t.

 

people who come on here actually hurt, feel pain, do know right from wrong. obviously there are people out there who dont.

[bl22]

fu..ck her off mate there is a breed off women out there at the minute who have no respect for other.

 

they read too many magazines, watch too many shows and always think the grass is greener.

 

i'v read some of your posts in the past and you are a clever guy. your only here once why waste it on some1 immature, selfish and lets be honest a tw4t.

 

people who come on here actually hurt, feel pain, do know right from wrong. obviously there are people out there who dont.

 

You do make a good point here. I think theres so much out there right now influencing womens thoughts, tv shows, movies and modern society in general.

With facebook now its literally possible for anyone to chat to anyone whenever they want too, which is how the guy she left me for began his sly tactics, chatting on fb 'innocently'.

 

I also feel like a lot of single women out there like to make out they are happy to their friends in relationships when in fact they are not, and they will manipulate there friends to think they are missing out when in fact its just the single woman not wanting to be single by herself.

 

I could go into many other areas here, but its quite clear that tons of women are bailing out of relationships through no fault of the men, its happened around 8 times in my family and friends (and now me) always the woman whos left them.

[WTRanger]

First off, this isn't a gender issue. Good God men can pull this too, and probably just as often. Just do some Googling about the silent treatment and you see just as many wives, girlfriends, etc saying the same thing I am. This behavior in people is learned early on. It's a coping mechanism, it's a way the people who fear abandonment keep power over someone and keep attention flowing inward. Yet little do they realize, this form of treatment is one of the best ways to get someone to abandon you.

 

Just as she has this fear of opening up or confrontation or whatever, I have the same fear of letting her go. The more she stays silent, the more it backs me into my corner. The more I feel I'm trapped, the more I fight to reach out. I reach out in an attempt to build a bridge, she now feels backed into her corner and fights back by saying nothing in the hopes that I "get it."

 

It's a vicious cycle. It's like firefighters hooking into a gasoline tanker to spray on a house fire. As I said before, I'm smart enough to know but dumb enough to try.

[Ajax]

I think a lot of the resistance is the two versions of her are at war. The girl I thought she was versus the girl she actually is. I know I need to let the girl I thought she was surrender, but I'm still wanting to let her fight as well. In fact, counter to what should be normal, the silent treatment makes me want to fight harder. The damn crying child Ego is getting in the way.

 

 

This post really hit home for me. I know how you feel, and believe me, you're not the only one going through this.

 

This week will be 2 months of full on NC for me. Deep down I was hoping she's break it and realize she made a mistake. Instead a mutual friend said she's droping her job, breaking her lease, and moving 15 hours away. Not only did she leave me now, but she's leaving everyone else who cares about her too.

 

It hurts in that it's so drastic and final. I don't understand why she couldn't just be happy with me here, with a good job and a great family. One thing that people (including her) have said is that you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. That makes sense to an extent, but there are times in everyone's life when you're not happy with yourself. That doesn't mean you just bail on the people who care about you. But It helps to know that there's nothing I could have done differently that would have changed things.

 

The thing is, the more it goes on the more I fight not to think that somehow I did something to warrant this. It's like, I must have done something to be punished like that. It's so damn gutless on her part. I feel as if it has stripped every layer away from me.

 

 

I've also felt this way too. But deep down I know I was good to her. I don't think I deserve the silent treatmen, and neither do you. But sometimes we don't get what we deserve. I try to keep in mind that life isn't fair. Good people also get hurt. Try not to put too much blame on yourself. You seem like a stand up guy. Someday someone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And I think eventually dumpers who have treated us unfairly will realize it. We may not reap the benefits of that, but hopefully they will change their ways and treat others with respect and kindness. Your being good to your ex was not wasted then. In a way you were paying it forward, and eventually someone will pay you forward.

 

Stay strong my friend.

[swfc_77]

i know not all women are like that and there are just a many bad men out there.

 

the point i was trying to make was that in todays society, there's too much temptation and it's too damn easy to stray.

 

i can relate to what your going through, and i know its hard but you only push people away the more you pursue them even if its just friendship you want

[WTRanger]

i know not all women are like that and there are just a many bad men out there.

 

the point i was trying to make was that in todays society, there's too much temptation and it's too damn easy to stray.

 

i can relate to what your going through, and i know its hard but you only push people away the more you pursue them even if its just friendship you want

 

I don't think it's the temptation to stray that is causing this, or seemingly making it seem more prevalent today that in the past. Today, no one wants to work or fight or stand up for their actions. Some kids a fat-ass? Well, we must sue McDonalds. My kid sucks at baseball? Well, how about we don't keep score? My kid didn't do his homework? How about we don't give grades. No one wants to take personal responsibility because there's always an excuse. People don't learn how to lose until they are older and when life throws them a loss, they act like a child.

 

Though on the flip-side, back in the past a lot of people stayed in some really awful relationships because they were just "working it out."

 

I understand fully that the more I reach, the more I push her away. As I said previously, it's a self-sustaining vicious cycle. My Ego wants to be heard, her Ego wants to be fed. But today marks 2 weeks full NC.