blondie26 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Some background Info: My boyfriend has been married before, his wife left without a word and he never got closure. After she left, while he was greiving, he starting watching porn, and feels addicted to it. He's really trying to stop but gets caught up in it every once in a while. He also thinks he might be addicted to sex (if that is possible...) My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 yr 8 mo.We are both pretty strong christians so in June we decided to stop having sex. This didnt last long...we started arguing more, tensions were high, and neither of us were really committed to stopping. I was determined to be a better person, so I put my foot down and said "no sex" again. We had been "sober from sex" for 5 days and that weekend I was going out of town, and left Friday at 5. My by called me while I was away and said he was going to be early, I believed him and didnt think about it again. On Monday when I got back in town I found a text conversation with a girl he'd been with before. He initiated the converstaion on Friday night at 5:15, right after I left him. They talked about getting together and hooking up, he preceeded to buy condoms and go to her house. He told me that when he got to her house he told her that he had a gf that he loved and left. I believe him, but am still VERY hurt. He told me he was sorry, learned his lesson and wouldnt do it again, that he was thinking with "the wrong head" and just stupid. We stayed together and started having sex once again, and things were fine. I recently found a message that he had sent to another girl he had met while I was out of town again 2 months later. He told her she was hott, and that he wanted to meet up again. The day I left once again he initated another message asking what she was doing that weekend, and the conversation stopped there. He told me that he didnt ever see her again and didnt think twice about her. My problem is this...While I was out of town 2 times in a row, he initiated conversations to other girls wanting to hang out (and hook up with the first girl) After telling me not to worry, that he isnt interested in anyone else, and loves me. I am planning on taking a "break" in the relationship to clear my head, and have him decide if he wants to be with me and only me, or if he does want other girls. I am very much in love with him, and he says he loves me too and wants to marry me. We are both graudating from college in May and are planning to get married or move to another town together. Am I overreacting? or am I doing the right thing? Did he really "cheat" on me by having those sexual converations with other girls? I appreciate any advice you can give!
leftfield Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) Yes he is cheating on you. Either sexually or emotionally, he shouldn't be doing anything with these other girls. I don't know how you feel about it, but when I love someone I don't feel the need to go off with other girls. Clearly that's something that would hurt the person I love and jeopardise the relationship. So I wouldn't do it. To be honest I'm surprised you've handled this situation as well as you have. Most girls would go completely off the handle at their boyfriend lying and messing around behind their backs like that. What he's doing is not acceptable in a loving relationship, unless it's an open relationship that both parties agree on - that doesn't sound like it's the case. It doesn't matter what happened in his past, or if he claims to be a sex addict. Who are you dating, Michael Douglas? He seems to have quite a hold on you if you are only planning on taking a break. My ex would have been planning on breaking my legs if I did what your guy has been doing. No, you're not overreacting. If you had a friend with a boyfriend who was propositioning other girls, what would you say them - Oh well, these things happen? I doubt it. I know you love him, but seriously. Start looking out for yourself blondie! Edited November 1, 2010 by leftfield
LovelyDaze Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I'm sorry that you are hurting. Think of this, EVEN if he was just sexting with these girls while you were away...what do you think it will be like if you two get married? You teach people how to treat you. If he knows you will continuously forgive him for things that he knows will hurt and disappoint you, why would he stop just because you are his wife? MANY women can tell you that it only gets worse. Just check out the Infidelity board on LS. He could just be flirting but it seems to be his M.O. to "fulfill his needs" while you are away. It's as if he can't just go hang out with family/friends without bringing another romantic interest along. Take the break and tell him not to call you for awhile. You can't be afraid to lose him...he's got to be afraid to lose YOU. See if REAL time and distance helps matters. If he remains the same, then you must decide if you want to live your life with a person like this or find someone who will love you and only you.
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 He is definitely cheating on you. No self-confessed "sex addict" would sext, buy condoms, go to another girl's house and then... just leave. It just wouldn't happen, ever. He has been boning her for sure, and lying to you about it. Take a break from him... a permanent break.
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