Wife went to Las Vegas then lied to me.

[TheMENemy]

OP, here is how you will find out the truth:

 

First, hire a really sharp divorce attorney.

 

Then, have him send a letter to the women your wife was with in Vegas, along with their husbands (if any).

 

The letter should say that you are contemplating litigation (do not specify divorce or anything else) in which they may be called to testify at a deposition or trial, under oath.

 

The letter should then say if they voluntarily cooperate by giving a statement to the attorney about what happened in Vegas, pertaining only to what your wife did, not what they did, their participation in the litigation could probably be avoided.

 

At least one of the friends will crack, either by spilling her guts to the attorney, or by putting sufficient pressure on your wife so that she spills the beans to you directly.

 

Fun is fun but none of your wife's friends is going to want to be involved in a lawsuit where all their own nasty business and cheating might be uncovered as well.

 

This is called "playing hardball" and it is long past time for you to get out the ol' baseball mitt.

[Mary3]

She spent quite a bit of money before she left, mostly on clothes for our boys, I've looked at her facebook, one friend posted one of the pics she hid from me, but it seemed harmless. Don't know why she hid it. They are just sitting at a table drinking. Finally looked at her phone and there were no text messages on the days that she was there. She either didn't text or deleted them. Do not have access the her school computer for keylogger, it is the main one she would use, especially hiding something. Thought about talking to our sister-in-law, they are training for marathons and run together and work together everyday.

 

HUGE Red Flags.

 

Contact your phone company ( cell ) and tell them you want a list of all incoming and outgoing calls from that phone ASAP dated back...( I know you can do it because I did it last week but not for cheating reasons , I needed a number because I got a new cell phone )

 

Sorry but you have HUGE signs of cheating.

 

She DELETED the calls ( assuming she is cheating ) . Try to get at least 3 weeks prior , the days of the trip and a week after, of the call logs. I HOPE you can get this info !

 

This was no sudden trip. It was well planned . You were not invited . You were not informed of the hotel . You were kept in the dark. WHY ??

 

You have some work to do...

Edited November 3, 2010 by Mary3

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Not a single text msg while gone.... Not even "Miss you, all is well, kiss the kids".... Does she generally text a fair bit? Is it surprising that all of a sudden not a single text when gone 3-4 days????

[Buglemn]

Not a single text msg while gone.... Not even "Miss you, all is well, kiss the kids".... Does she generally text a fair bit? Is it surprising that all of a sudden not a single text when gone 3-4 days????

 

During layover in Denver she texted about me repairing a light at one of her friend's house, and one text asking about score of my son's football game. Thats it.

[Mary3]

Not a single text msg while gone.... Not even "Miss you, all is well, kiss the kids".... Does she generally text a fair bit? Is it surprising that all of a sudden not a single text when gone 3-4 days????

 

My guess : A cheating woman , the LAST thing she wants to do is call her husband and say " Hi Honey " when she is away messing around with another man.

 

I could be wrong.

 

I hope you find your answers.

[Mary3]

During layover in Denver she texted about me repairing a light at one of her friend's house, and one text asking about score of my son's football game. Thats it.

 

But did she CALL you and tell you she loved you and the kids ?

[Buglemn]

My guess : A cheating woman , the LAST thing she wants to do is call her husband and say " Hi Honey " when she is away messing around with another man.

 

I could be wrong.

 

I hope you find your answers.

 

Oh Mary, I so hope that you are wrong. You guys do have to realize that I had been high in the mountains for 12 days, up along the continental divide. She knows that it is useless to call or try to make contact while I am hunting. Just no signals for miles. She did not know exactly when my hunting party would pack up and come down. We do not hunt on any schedule. It is not uncommon for us to go a week without contact when I am on a hunting trip. I usually just call when I can. I had been home for 3 days that she was gone. We both have hobbies, her's is running a marathon in every US state.

[FanFan]

I think I will confront her about it again when she gets home. Just don't really know how to go about it or what to say.

 

You see so many stories here where the cheating spouses would swear on the lives and sould of their own children that they didn't cheat, but eventually they have to admit it due to indisputable evidents.

 

Your wife will deny deny deny if all you have is just a picture with her with her clothes on and not naked in bed with another man or men.

[Buglemn]

You see so many stories here where the cheating spouses would swear on the lives and sould of their own children that they didn't cheat, but eventually they have to admit it due to indisputable evidents.

 

Your wife will deny deny deny if all you have is just a picture with her with her clothes on and not naked in bed with another man or men.

Your killing me with thoughts Fan, the plural with her, no. The only play that I have is on her guilt, which I know she would have if she cheated. She seemed just fine and normal tonight, fixed pizza for supper and went to bed after we watched election results.

[FanFan]

Your killing me with thoughts Fan, the plural with her, no. The only play that I have is on her guilt, which I know she would have if she cheated. She seemed just fine and normal tonight, fixed pizza for supper and went to bed after we watched election results.

 

Why would she feel guilty if she cheated, had fun, and lied to you again and again to your face. Did she feel bad when you caught her in a lie? See......why would see feel bad about sleeping with some strangers when you haven't even "caught" her yet?

[Buglemn]

Why would she feel guilty if she cheated, had fun, and lied to you again and again to your face. Did she feel bad when you caught her in a lie? See......why would she feel bad about sleeping with some strangers when you haven't even "caught" her yet?

 

I don't know, just that guilt would overwhelm me if I had screwed around on her. If this action was common with her, I rather think that I would have picked up on this before. She goes out with her friends 5 or 6 times a year. Usually rock concerts, out to eat. They have went clubbing less than once a year, but she has come home slobbering drunk once or twice in our long marriage. I never said anything about it, just teased her about the hangover.

[FanFan]

I don't know, just that guilt would overwhelm me if I had screwed around on her. If this action was common with her, I rather think that I would have picked up on this before. She goes out with her friends 5 or 6 times a year. Usually rock concerts, out to eat. They have went clubbing less than once a year, but she has come home slobbering drunk once or twice in our long marriage. I never said anything about it, just teased her about the hangover.

 

Maybe she has had one night stands and got away with it before in the past. So, this is the 15th time, so, she's used to it and thus no guilt. She even lied to your face and you busted her on her lies and she felt no guilt for lying and in fact used excuses and justifications for her lies, didn't she?

 

It seems to me that you're dealing with a serial liar and cheater.

[Buglemn]

Maybe she has had one night stands and got away with it before in the past. So, this is the 15th time, so, she's used to it and thus no guilt. She even lied to your face and you busted her on her lies and she felt no guilt for lying and in fact used excuses and justifications for her lies, didn't she?

 

It seems to me that you're dealing with a serial liar and cheater.

 

A long time ago she told me about 2 one night stands that she had before we were married. I could tell that both of them really bothered her and she felt guilty for allowing herself to get in that situation. I could tell that she regretted those actions and that was when she was single.

 

When I confronted her about the lie, I could tell that I got to her, but she did use excuses and I do not believe that she lied just to avoid confrontation.

 

She may have cheated on me before I don't know, I do know that her schedule and marathon training take so much of her time, that she would not be able to maintain a long term affair.

[FanFan]

A long time ago she told me about 2 one night stands that she had before we were married. I could tell that both of them really bothered her and she felt guilty for allowing herself to get in that situation. I could tell that she regretted those actions and that was when she was single.

 

Well, you knew that she is that kind of woman who did it not once, more than that once.

 

When I confronted her about the lie, I could tell that I got to her, but she did use excuses and I do not believe that she lied just to avoid confrontation.

 

Like I (and everyone else) said, a cheater is a liar. What's new.

 

She may have cheated on me before I don't know, I do know that her schedule and marathon training take so much of her time, that she would not be able to maintain a long term affair.

 

Don't be naive. If you read around, you will see devoted church going "Christian" wives who had full time job and many other duties with children's sports, etc. can and do find a half an hour here and there to go to the other men's house or a local motel. This will not even apply if your wife is the kind that just have one night stands with stranger men and every time she cheats it's with a new man.

[TheMENemy]

Bugleman,

 

while you were out hunting, so was she.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

the more you will get screwed up..... There has been a whole lot of advise and comments running the gamut. Only you know your wife.....

 

I don't know what if anything happened and neither does anyone else. However I can tell you that you two seem to have a very dysfunctional relationship on a # of levels. I have pointed out all the issues over the trip and the complete lack of respect imo not to provide travel information, calls or texts during the time in addition to the things she hid (whether they were major or minor who knows. BTW did your wife not take a bikini and lie by the pool too (should that bother you)?

 

You on the other hand go hunting for 12 days. Is this a once a year thing or 2/3 X's as per hunting season? And you don't worry that this is a imbalance in the relationship? Should I jump to the conclusion, that you also do weekends with the guys to football games/sporting events with your wife?

 

I think you need to do a better job communicating and if you need to talk, tell her you love her, however are disappointed at the lack of discussion about the trip, hiding of clothing and not being honest about all you did. I will tell you a "normal" couple talk after a trip and get the details of what someone did, who they met, what they ate, where they shopped, saw and the hotel.....

Edited November 3, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[2sunny]

your gut triggered you for a reason. something happened that she wanted to keep from you. this part we DO know:

 

when there is nothing to hide = people hide nothing.

 

there are many types of lies. manipulation, lying by omission, being sneaky, blatant lies, half truths and changing the subject. many more. there are also many things that come AFTER the lie... the cover up, secrecy, moving away from having to tell the truth by being absent and over compensating to make up for what we may or may not have done (when we feel guilty or that we need to do more to cover for the lie).

[mitchell]

I think everyone is over reacting. Just sit back and enjoy the increased frequency of your sex life. Sounds like your wife had a fun weekend away and came home energized.

[climbergirl]

I think everyone is over reacting. Just sit back and enjoy the increased frequency of your sex life. Sounds like your wife had a fun weekend away and came home energized.

 

I agree. I cannot believe that some of you are suggesting divorce when the OP doesn't even have proof that she cheated, or labeling the OP's wife as 'that kind of woman' because she had a couple ONS over 2 decades ago.

 

Even if she didn't give flight/hotel info, OP could still get in touch with her over the weekend. However, OP can be gone for 12 days and his wife has no way to get ahold of HIM.

 

Maybe it's her passive aggressive way of saying "F*ck You" to that. The biggest issue I see here is lack of communication from both sides.

[Buglemn]

I agree. I cannot believe that some of you are suggesting divorce when the OP doesn't even have proof that she cheated, or labeling the OP's wife as 'that kind of woman' because she had a couple ONS over 2 decades ago.

 

Even if she didn't give flight/hotel info, OP could still get in touch with her over the weekend. However, OP can be gone for 12 days and his wife has no way to get ahold of HIM.

 

Maybe it's her passive aggressive way of saying "F*ck You" to that. The biggest issue I see here is lack of communication from both sides.

 

It would have to be very very bad truth for me to consider a divorce, The point you made about not being able to get ahold of me came up when we argued the night she got home. I was a little peeved when she didn't have time to talk to me when I called home. She said there are lots of times when we don't talk. I told her I agree, but I don't call because being on the top of a mountain, I can't. She told me that she would call me back, but just didn't try. I know cell phones work in Vegas. Maybe I should have called her when I got home, I guess I was being pig headed because she had said she would call me back and didn't. There's always 2 sides, wish that I could get her on here to discuss it.

[carhill]

I would suggest, if you're going to 'discuss' it involving anyone else, it be a trained professional. We're amateurs bringing our own perspectives to the party. Great for information and insight; not so much for facilitating and refereeing communication between spouses.

 

How often does she go to Vegas? How often does this communication disparity happen? If this incident had never happened, how would you feel about the health of your M? IOW, when you left to go hunting and she to Vegas, how was the M?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

It would have to be very very bad truth for me to consider a divorce, The point you made about not being able to get ahold of me came up when we argued the night she got home. I was a little peeved when she didn't have time to talk to me when I called home. She said there are lots of times when we don't talk. I told her I agree, but I don't call because being on the top of a mountain, I can't. She told me that she would call me back, but just didn't try. I know cell phones work in Vegas. Maybe I should have called her when I got home, I guess I was being pig headed because she had said she would call me back and didn't. There's always 2 sides, wish that I could get her on here to discuss it.

 

Yes you could have called and she definitely should have while in Vegas..... The two of you obviously have a very passive-aggressive relationship on a # of levels.

[Buglemn]

I would suggest, if you're going to 'discuss' it involving anyone else, it be a trained professional. We're amateurs bringing our own perspectives to the party. Great for information and insight; not so much for facilitating and refereeing communication between spouses.

 

How often does she go to Vegas? How often does this communication disparity happen? If this incident had never happened, how would you feel about the health of your M? IOW, when you left to go hunting and she to Vegas, how was the M?

 

I do think MCouncil is in order now. This was her first trip to Vegas. We have ups and downs like any other couple I'm sure. We have never separated, or even come close. I know we both love each other, couldn't do 22 + years without it. Marriage seemed fine as I left for the mountains. She even encouraged a second trip to Colorado two weeks later as she was finishing up her softball season. She is the coach, and the end of the season, they play 1 or 2 games each night and most of the weekend conf. tournament. So I went hunting again convinced that everything was fine, When I got home is when I found that she had deleted the pics and lied to me.

[carhill]

So, regarding communication, this issue with 'phone tag' has or has not happened before (?) and, if yes, is it common or not and, overall, would you say this is the first time either of you have communicated negative feelings about it?

 

To me, you both sound like people with full lives, both together and separately. Is that an accurate observation? Has your marriage generally been like that, or are there changes of late?

 

Is there any alcohol and/or drug abuse in either of your backgrounds?

[Buglemn]

So, regarding communication, this issue with 'phone tag' has or has not happened before (?) and, if yes, is it common or not and, overall, would you say this is the first time either of you have communicated negative feelings about it?

 

To me, you both sound like people with full lives, both setogether and separately. Is that an accurate observation? Has your marriage generally been like that, or are there changes of late?

 

Is there any alcohol and/or drug abuse in either of your backgrounds?

 

With our busy lifestyle, we always play a lot of phone tag, We text regularly, maybe not everyday, but usually. Her sister-in-law which she runs and works with has self esteem issues and calls her H hourly, I think my wife sees this and over tries to not be needy. She is very independant and devoted to running marathons. She trains at least 20 hours a week or more. Combine that with the boys activities and my big game hunting we do lead full busy lives. She only takes vitamins, I smoke a little green every now and then. That's it. Neither of us drink regularly, just new years or special event for me. Her father was a big game hunter, that's how I got started, so she is very understanding when I leave for 10--12 days. She grew up with it and is supportive.