I let people I date know before hand about how I feel about cheating

[harmfulsweetz]

Well spin it however you like, there are people out there who think you are weak. It's not about impressing anyone really. It's about letting them know you wont be accepting such behavior and be weak and give in to them by using stupid lines like "I'm sorry it was a mistake" and you don't talk about this on the first date.

 

Plus nobody is insisting that you are a cheater in anyway shape or form because you're talking about what you will accept and won't.

 

Sure you could talk about abuse make a whole list, but cheating tends to be a bigger issue that partners think that if they cry and beg they can have their SO back.

 

If you want to turn this around and make this about my insecurity, go right ahead because I would be just as lucky to have dogged the bullet when I realized how good at twisting and getting totally different meanings from what is being said.

 

Cheating is a bigger issue than abuse? Really?

 

 

Sorry, I'd be more concerned about a guy abusing me than a guy cheating on me.

 

 

 

I think it is ultimately all to do with your insecurity, a person who is secure in themselves, knows that imposing such threats and such 'rules' is unnecessary. A cheater will cheat regardless, and they will say what you want to hear regardless too. But you're already questioning the person's integrity before giving them a chance. For me, that raises alarm bells. I don't want to date someone who believes straight away that I would cheat, been there, done that. It doesn't get better, it gets worse.

[harkkam]

Cheating is a bigger issue than abuse? Really?

 

 

Sorry, I'd be more concerned about a guy abusing me than a guy cheating on me.

 

 

 

I think it is ultimately all to do with your insecurity, a person who is secure in themselves, knows that imposing such threats and such 'rules' is unnecessary. A cheater will cheat regardless, and they will say what you want to hear regardless too. But you're already questioning the person's integrity before giving them a chance. For me, that raises alarm bells. I don't want to date someone who believes straight away that I would cheat, been there, done that. It doesn't get better, it gets worse.

 

 

See you're a typical person who takes a common sense way of saying something and uses that to base a whole argument.

 

Being that we are both rational beings. In the grand scheme of thing its obvious abuse is a lot worse than cheating. Abuse can harm a person physically and mentally much worse than cheating ever could. Trust me I know.

 

However what I was trying to say that the problem of cheating is more prevalent than abuse is. Meaning it will be something more couples will have to deal with.

 

Abuse is reserved for those extreme outlier cases, a lot more statistically will suffer the pain of cheating than abuse.

 

So hence forth why cheating needs to be addressed with your partner and discussed due to the higher likelihood of the two of you having to deal with something like that.

 

I would hope that by the time you are exclusive that the issue of being abused by this person is off the table and not a doubt in your mind.

 

Leaving cheating to be dealt with.

[samsungxoxo]

I also would rather get cheated on than abused. As a women if a man cheated in the past and he learned from it, then I can deal with that as it can't all be black and white. However, if he hit an ex girlfriend or wife in the past then there is no way I would date him. This is the one subject very touchy to me.

 

If you're cheated on (putting aside the STD's) the only thing to deal with is the overwhelm emotions but at least you don't have to live in fear from your life if he has to hit you for not saying/doing the right thing.

 

I have never been hit nor cheated on by a man but if so then both would be deal breakers immediately. Still.... abuse is a whole lot worst.

[iluvmua]

That's what my ex said to me, that cheating would be a deal breaker for him and that's the only reason why he would ever break up with someone is if they cheated on him; He always talked about this guy he works with who cheats on his wife and how he would feel if his wife ended up cheated on him etc.

 

 

Anyways, HE ENDED UP CHEATING ON ME....... So it does not matter what you say to them if they are going to cheat they are going to find a way.

 

Lucky for me, he ended up dumping me (we only went out for 18 days).

That was a blessing.

[D-Lish]

I wouldn't even bring up being cheated on during the first date! What, I'm going to lay my baggage on the table on the first date???

 

The first date is all about a light hearted meeting to decide if you want a second date. Crap like abuse, cheating, fetishes, etc are best left for much later on.

 

As others have said- telling someone you won't put up with abuse or cheating isn't going to weed anyone out, it's only going to showcase your bitterness about being cheated on in the past! A cheater is just going to disregard such a statement and turn on the charm. A person that's enjoyed healthy relationships is going to view someone bringing up a cheating conversation on the FIRST DATE as a red flag.

 

Saying you aren't into cheaters or abusers isn't going to weed anyone out- but you may put yourself in a position to be weeded out simply by mentioning it on a first date.

 

I've never cheated on a partner in my entire life- but I'd consider someone bitter if they brought up cheating as an issue on the first date.

 

Do you think if you ask someone straight up on a first date what their views on cheating are that they are going to say "Oh, I openly engage in it often!"

 

You can't protect yourself by bringing it up, no matter how much you want to.

Edited November 10, 2010 by D-Lish

[phillyfan]

It's my policy to always tell a person that I'm in a relationship with that if they are caught cheating that I immediately and swiftly end things and will not tolerate infidelity of any kind. I have never cheated on anyone, and never plan to.

 

I bring it up in the most polite manner and say " what do you think about cheating"

 

The other persons answer isnt important

 

What you follow through with is " yes cheating bothers me alot that's why any kind of it is a deal breaker, I don't accept it and if you get caught I cut you out of my life pretty fast end of story no reconcilliation"

 

This let's the other person know you are not some chump to be taken advantage off and that they better think twice I even thoughts like that cross their mind.

 

Uhh...why not add eating with your mouth open, shouting into your cell, making out in a church....dude, what you bring up is so normal to most people that your bringing it up makes you sound weird. Or like a crazy MOFO with major baggage. Chill....