harkkam Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Guys I am 24 years old, and I am not a virgin but Im having a hard time getting dates and even just talking to women in general. I had a one year relationship and we broke up 6 months ago. The thing is that I am not looking for sex only, I think its great but really its overrated in my opinion dont get me wrong. I'm 24, and Im looking to find good quality women whom I can be with and possibly start a family with, its something that I want. I want to find a good quality woman that I want to be with for 3+ years before I consider marrying her. Now my problem is: 1. I am not in college anymore 2. Most of my friends dont know any girls and are homebodies 3. I've been to clubs/bars and I dont think they have the kind of women I am looking for, and I dont have enough confidence to hit on random girls. 4. I also dont have the confidence to hit on girls on the street or at bookstores etc. I just feel anxiety and creepy doing that. So that doesnt leave me with much does it. Where am I supposed to meet women, where I dont have to cold approach? I am thinking that the only place left for me would be more "safe" activities like sports teams, hiking groups, cycling groups, meetup groups etc. How do you guys meet your women? I havent had a date in 6 months and it sucks.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I havent had a date in 6 months and it sucks. It's probably because you won't tolerate cheating. Most of them here realize it will not work long term if you won't let them to cheat on you.
tman666 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 You already answered your own question: hiking groups, church, coed sports, etc. That's the kind of places that most people meet women worth considering potential long term material. That's not to say that some haven't found great women in places like bars and clubs, but the chances are less. Some recommend the gym as well, but if you join a gym exclusively to meet girls, you'll be severely disappointed.
jerbear Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 The being with someone for 3+ years can be a deal breaker. How about removing that and see how that goes? Being single 6 months is really not that bad.
Author harkkam Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 It's probably because you won't tolerate cheating. Most of them here realize it will not work long term if you won't let them to cheat on you. LOLZ that must be it.
Author harkkam Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 The being with someone for 3+ years can be a deal breaker. How about removing that and see how that goes? Being single 6 months is really not that bad. Its not something I tell people at all, its something I know for myself that you really cant get to know a person in just one year. You cant, I will talk about the future with them before 3+ years but never take a serious step like getting engaged or what not without at least 3 years.
Author harkkam Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 But yeah, how do you guys get dates? Like Im curious to know what you do
Phateless Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Guys I am 24 years old, and I am not a virgin but Im having a hard time getting dates and even just talking to women in general. I had a one year relationship and we broke up 6 months ago. The thing is that I am not looking for sex only, I think its great but really its overrated in my opinion dont get me wrong. I'm 24, and Im looking to find good quality women whom I can be with and possibly start a family with, its something that I want. I want to find a good quality woman that I want to be with for 3+ years before I consider marrying her. Now my problem is: 1. I am not in college anymore 2. Most of my friends dont know any girls and are homebodies 3. I've been to clubs/bars and I dont think they have the kind of women I am looking for, and I dont have enough confidence to hit on random girls. 4. I also dont have the confidence to hit on girls on the street or at bookstores etc. I just feel anxiety and creepy doing that. So that doesnt leave me with much does it. Where am I supposed to meet women, where I dont have to cold approach? I am thinking that the only place left for me would be more "safe" activities like sports teams, hiking groups, cycling groups, meetup groups etc. How do you guys meet your women? I havent had a date in 6 months and it sucks. Meetup is a great site! Keep doing that. Check out the swing and salsa dancing meetup groups. Lots of fun and a great way to meet women in a no-pressure environment. I completely agree with you - you won't meet any quality women at bars.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 But yeah, how do you guys get dates? Like Im curious to know what you do My current... and most awesome GF as an Example: I see a very attractive girl in the hallway of a hospital I regularly visit for work. I stop and chat with this attractive girl. I leave. 2 weeks later I see her again, I show that I remember her name, I initiate some small talk. I then tell her she is very pretty, seems like my type, and ask if I may take her to dinner later in the week. She tells me no she isn't interested. I leave. About 2 weeks later I see her again. I initiate more small talk. I then ask her out again telling her that I hope she has changed her mind. She accepts. Later that week we have an amazingly fun date.
Phateless Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 But yeah, how do you guys get dates? Like Im curious to know what you do Honestly, nothing in particular, it's more about the combination of a lot of little things, mostly based around being calm, confident and friendly. You also need to be a little bit playful. Do some googling on proper flirting technique. Seriously. You also need to be well-groomed and have a half-decent sense of style. Being in shape helps but it's less important than the other two. Notice that I did NOT say handsome. If I meet a girl I like I just chat her up, ask her things about herself, but not the standard boring things like where she grew up, what she does, etc. Pick more interesting topics like maybe there's a story behind the tattoo on her arm or the cute and obviously handmade bracelet she's wearing. Maybe your first reaction was that she's too cool for you but after talking to her you can tell she's got a sensitive side and you think it's kinda sweet. You get the idea. Relax, be yourself, quit thinking about it and learn to connect with people. It takes practice and a lot of hard work on self-development. Most importantly: if you a see cute girl that you want to meet, WALK YOUR ASS UP THERE AND TALK TO HER! It's REALLY not that difficult.
Author harkkam Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Honestly, nothing in particular, it's more about the combination of a lot of little things, mostly based around being calm, confident and friendly. You also need to be a little bit playful. Do some googling on proper flirting technique. Seriously. You also need to be well-groomed and have a half-decent sense of style. Being in shape helps but it's less important than the other two. Notice that I did NOT say handsome. If I meet a girl I like I just chat her up, ask her things about herself, but not the standard boring things like where she grew up, what she does, etc. Pick more interesting topics like maybe there's a story behind the tattoo on her arm or the cute and obviously handmade bracelet she's wearing. Maybe your first reaction was that she's too cool for you but after talking to her you can tell she's got a sensitive side and you think it's kinda sweet. You get the idea. Relax, be yourself, quit thinking about it and learn to connect with people. It takes practice and a lot of hard work on self-development. Most importantly: if you a see cute girl that you want to meet, WALK YOUR ASS UP THERE AND TALK TO HER! It's REALLY not that difficult. ^ I could never do that, I am just too shy and afraid of rejection.
Aflac2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 You sound like me in some ways, although you sound a bit luckier. I'm a few years older than you and my one relationship wasn't even as long as yours, and it's been much longer than six months since I had a date. I actually created my own thread about this. Im still in college, so I'm hoping with a little bit of luck, I'll finally get something. You said you're not in college anymore so you have the right ideas. Social clubs, sports clubs and orgs, perhaps a neighbor or colleague at work, meetups are good depending on what city you're in.
Phateless Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 ^ I could never do that, I am just too shy and afraid of rejection. This is a self-limiting belief. If you don't know what that means, google it. I used to think exactly this same way. Unfortunately this is 100% in your head and only you have the power to change it. If you want to make progress in your life you MUST get outside your comfort zone. There is no other way. Start by convincing yourself that random girls you just met have no right to judge you. Even if they do, so what?! They don't even know you. Believe me, after a while you'll see that it's less agonizing to approach a girl and get rejected than it is to spend a week WISHING you had the balls to approach her.
Author harkkam Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 This is a self-limiting belief. If you don't know what that means, google it. I used to think exactly this same way. Unfortunately this is 100% in your head and only you have the power to change it. If you want to make progress in your life you MUST get outside your comfort zone. There is no other way. Start by convincing yourself that random girls you just met have no right to judge you. Even if they do, so what?! They don't even know you. Believe me, after a while you'll see that it's less agonizing to approach a girl and get rejected than it is to spend a week WISHING you had the balls to approach her. Do it enough times and that fear goes away? How long did it take you to get to where you are, and how often did you approach people to get over your fear?
Phateless Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Yep, exactly, the fear does go away. Here's the big secret... Women... ...are just people. Probably around 6 months to a year after the massive breakup that turned my world upside-down before I started getting good at it. I approached a few girls a week, not too many. I just made sure that every time I saw a cute girl I talked to her without worrying about the outcome. Also get into the habit of chatting up everyone around you; cashiers, people in line next to you, etc. After a while it becomes second nature to open conversations with strangers and before you know it you've started talking to some girl and she's super attracted to you and you did it on accident. Now I just hang out and be my friendly and silly self and I find that girls start to like me for no apparent reason. It's mostly about being quietly self-assured.
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