sanskrit Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Despite what the media tells us, the world really ISN'T full of rapists and murderers. Dear, dear lady on the internet, thank you!
Author Sarah1977 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 So, OP, how do you handle the guys who want some type of physical interaction, esp if you are going out on multiple dates? I'd like to get to know several guys who look interesting on POF. The one and only date I had so far was very demanding that we kiss after our coffee date and he was just too forward with me. I don't want to kiss anyone rt now, I just want to get to know the different men on my site. So do you just give everyone a friendly hand shake or side hug and tell them you are meeting lots of people, or do you actually kiss any or all of them? You know, I'm stumped. Never in my life have I had this problem. I don't kiss on the first date if it's also a first meeting. (I may kiss on the first date if I've known him for awhile!) Further, no one has really attempted to kiss me when I didn't want them to, if that makes sense? I think I'm good at putting out the 'I like you, but I don't want to kiss you just yet' signals and so far, men I've dated have respected that. I'd really have no idea what I would do if some guy 'demanded' I kiss him. Probably laugh in his face and never see him again?
murphomatic Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 1. Reconsider your standards, perhaps start dating the guys that are under 6 feet for a change as an example (for starters). No kidding ... LOL This is a huge turn-off for me when it comes to online dating...having some arbitrary physical requirement like this. That's not to say that you can't expect something reasonable, like the person have all their limbs, no blatant deformities, etc ... but "Anyone I date MUST be at least 6' tall.." I mean - really ... I'm .5" shy of 6 feet tall ... you would likely NEVER notice unless you stacked me up against a tape measure, but listing this outright in your profile is akin to me stating "You must be AT LEAST a D-cup." Petty, trite, and in grand scheme of things, likely to not matter in the least. I react to women with requirements like this the same way they'd react to me if my profile were to state a minimum boob-size requirement. I ignore and move on.
SunsetRed Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 OP-Sarah, you sound like you're doing what I want to do, but I'm learning how to handle it.....You are going on multiple first dates and getting to know many men based on what you find interesting about their profiles. That's what I want to do. I recently posted a thread called How Serious to Take Online Dating. While I don't think that going out with online men as a big joke, at the same time it creeps me out when one of them acts too familar with me, invites me over to his house before we meet, or calls me terms of endearment or starts making plans for the following weekend before our first coffee date. I just want to meet people and if the spark is there, but I don't want a guy to have any more expectations of me other than meeting for coffee. On one of my threads someone suggested I was using people for entertainment if all i wanted to do was meet and not work towards something. That is not the case, I don't want to use anyone. At the same time, I'm not planning on "working toward" something with someone that I am just meeting to get to know. LOL, I recently viewed 2 profiles..one guy said he was looking for his soul mate and wanted a woman he could spoil. The other guy said he was at the end of his rope as far as dating goes and was going to give the online thing a try. I actually would prefer to meet the end of the rope guy as I appreciate his honesty and frankness.
Author Sarah1977 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 That's what I want to do. I recently posted a thread called How Serious to Take Online Dating. While I don't think that going out with online men as a big joke, at the same time it creeps me out when one of them acts too familar with me, invites me over to his house before we meet, or calls me terms of endearment or starts making plans for the following weekend before our first coffee date. Eh, I'd give them a break. Quite a few guys I've met who were totally socially awkward online ended up being pretty cool and nonthreatening in person. I think some of them just aren't good at putting out the right online vibe. I just want to meet people and if the spark is there, but I don't want a guy to have any more expectations of me other than meeting for coffee. On one of my threads someone suggested I was using people for entertainment if all i wanted to do was meet and not work towards something. That is not the case, I don't want to use anyone. At the same time, I'm not planning on "working toward" something with someone that I am just meeting to get to know. I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, I've met plenty of guys that I felt were nice who never asked for a second date. So I think there are a lot of people (of both sexes) who are just trying to meet new people and see what happens. I'm really big on letting things evolve naturally. People who are on 'the hunt' won't appreciate a more relaxed style and that's OK. You can't please everyone.
Cee Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Sarah, I love how upbeat your thread is. I've been getting some helpful information although I don't know if I'd do online dating ever again. I have a few questions related to date pacing: How do you pace the number of dates? How many different people do you email at once and how many dates do you go on a week? What happens if you get an email from someone you may like, but are too busy with your dating and social life? For me, the hardest thing was feeling pressure to go on a lot of dates. My taste in men is very broad so I found many possibilities for dating, but I didn't want to go on too many dates. I never had a good way to balance my time and be respectful to the prospective dates.
Author Sarah1977 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Cee, I love reading your replies because it's so cool to hear from someone having the same problems I'm having! The first week, I went on 6 dates. Two weeknight dates and four weekend dates (I doubled up on Sat and Sun) And I felt tired and overwhelmed, too. I couldn't keep them straight in my head. So, I decided to chill that out. I just started telling guys that I was pretty booked up with stuff and I wouldn't be free until X day. I figured if they were truly interested, they would work with me schedule-wise. One guy did schedule a date with me 3 weeks in advance, so far, so good.
Sith Apprentice Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Online dating used to be good 10 years back when you only had middle class educated people were online. Online dating nowadays is going to be a waste of time for most men because there's an insane 10-1 ratio of men to women on these sites. 80-90 % of men will get nowhere because the math is simply against them. I have a profile on Plenty of Whales and it brings in the elephants, lamas, and single mama's. Expect to sift through a lot of fatties, single moms, fatties, drama queens, fatties, and girls who take dating way too seriously. Did I mention fatties? I used to never get messages, but now that were in a recession I'm getting messages left and right. I've gotten hit up by 4 single moms in the past week. It looks like their ready to come home to papa, but I ain't payin for pussy;you can forget that. I don't message women because I have better things to do than take attitude from the bus riding tubbies, fat chicks-who think their the shyt, but out in the field they wouldn't even be looked at by me, the "all stars" who "have it all," and the Attention Whore-typically the hottest on the site, who just come on for validation or now you got the AW who says she can't find a guy(insert hillbilly laugh). These are the same women who would be all over my jock after a 2 minute convo in a bar, but yet they act like princesses online.
SunsetRed Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 lol, Sith A. you are funny. I may have been less apprehensive of my last online date if I'd met him in a bar. If I'd met a semi drunk guy in a bar and if I was semi drunk too, I'd let him call me Honey Babe and I may end up kissing him at the end of the evening as we were leaving and going our separate ways. Somehow it just felt creepier to have someone I'd met online and never seen before call me Honey and ask to kiss me.
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