How To: Semi Successful Online Dating

[Sarah1977]

Hey, I have a question for the guys! (If any guys are still reading this thread)

 

If you go out on a date with a girl and decide you like her, how long do you wait to contact her before asking for date #2?

[alexlakeman]

Thanks for the woman's perspective. I still see guys saying they send out 50-100 emails and barely any responses. Not being the best looking guy I imagine my emails and profile must be a big help; no canned emails, and I'm always tweaking my profile.

 

Due to cash flow, I can not do a number of dates with different women every week, so my goal for a relationship has been slowed down a lot this year. Just do the numbers; if I do three "first meet" dates and go have a drink or two, that's $30-$35 (4 drinks @ $6, plus tip, and maybe an appetizer), so it's not so easy going on dates with mutliple women each week

 

Hey, I have a question for the guys! (If any guys are still reading this thread)

 

If you go out on a date with a girl and decide you like her, how long do you wait to contact her before asking for date #2?

 

If we click, 9 times out of ten, we can tell at the edn of the first date. I do probably drag out my text or email to the end of the "day after" to see if she reaches out first , but I won't go 2 days with no contact if I'm interested.

[tincanman99]

For women, online dating is like shooting fish in a barrel. You just have to be barely human and men will line up to date you providing you are not totally out of your mind.

 

As for men, its a whole other animal. Men outnumber the women by a huge margin. As this OP proves she got tons and tons of messages. What guy no matter what you looked like gets that kind of response.

 

Its exactly the same as real life only greatly exaggerated.

[sanskrit]

Hey, I have a question for the guys! (If any guys are still reading this thread)

 

If you go out on a date with a girl and decide you like her, how long do you wait to contact her before asking for date #2?

 

Most of my first dates are on Monday-Wednesday nights, so will ask out again later in the week, usually about 3 days after the first date, but no hard and fast rule.

[Tim The Enchanter]

I'm a guy and it's very hard getting a woman to respond back. I sent out about 50 msgs but only got 5 replies back. Im 24 a good looking guy, a student that has a variety of interests I really don't know why women don't respond. I try not to think it's my looks

 

That's an entirely normal figure. Internet dating is a numbers game for guys.

[ascendotum]

The number of guys you had contacting you was hardly over the top, from what other women have told me or from articles I had read written by female journalists that have road tested on-line dating for a news piece. Some have gotten close to 400 the first week and one women who created a profile on ashley madison got well over a 1000. Even though you describe yourself as plain I have no doubt your success was in large part explained for the reasons you outlined in post 16. Also what’s your definition of success? As others have said, for a female getting dates with OLD is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

For many guys just getting a 'thanks but I am currently seeing someone else' or ‘I just don’t think we would be compatible’ msg back or a pleasant date with someone in their league without it being a rare event would make the OLD experience seem less of a past-time in self esteem erosion, whereas I have no doubt it’s the opposite for quite a number of the women (the women I know admit it).

 

Your attitude to OLD made for refreshing reading. I wish there were more women with your outlook on-line. Tough I suspect more women might initially start out like this and get jaded after a while. It depends on their expectations (and if they match it) and how good they are at filtering out the smooth operators who have no intention of serious relationship. Many seem to have a couple of experiences with these guys and then write off all the other guys on the site.

[dispatch3d]

sarah you make me think more of women in general. Good job!

[dispatch3d]

and one reason you get 200+ guys are whatever is because your attitude is just really good.

[Sarah1977]

. Also what’s your definition of success? As others have said, for a female getting dates with OLD is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

 

Notice I called it 'semi success.'

 

My definition of 'Semi Success' would be to get nice guys to take you out and make you laugh.

 

My definition of full success would be to end up with one of these nice guys. I'm not there quite yet!

[Sarah1977]

and one reason you get 200+ guys are whatever is because your attitude is just really good.

 

 

Thanks! I really and truly wanted to go into this with an open mind and give everyone nice a chance. Because, the way I figure it, even if we're not right for each other, at least we met and had a positive experience. And who knows? Maybe I have a friend who would be great for him? Or he would have a friend for me?

[sagetalk]

Better that she flakes out over email, rather than arrange to meet her before you've even had time to assess her. I never mentioned 2 weeks.

 

If someone "loses interest" because you want to exchange a few emails first, that makes them a flake in my eyes.

 

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

 

This, this, and this.

[refurb]

1. I set up a lot of dates.

2. I expected to get a lot of creeps and weirdos, but I got almost none.

3. This is a biggie: DON'T JUDGE THE PICTURES TOO HARSHLY. Every, and I mean EVERY, guy I went out with was MUCH cuter in person.

 

As a guy, that was my experience as well.

 

RF

[Star Gazer]

OK, so this isn't meant to offend any of the ladies on here, I just want to speculate on why this might be and throw some ideas out there....

 

I think the biggest thing is the lack of the 'list o demands' in my profile. A lot of girls want to tick of qualifications they are looking for or, even worse, what they are NOT looking for. For example, "If you're not this height with this much money with this, this, this, and this, don't waste my time by contacting me."

 

Personally, and this is just me, I made it clear that I would give them a chance even if they were short, ugly, fat, awkward, whatever.

 

That doesn't offend me in the slightest. What it tells me is that your profile shows you have absolutely no stated preferences for men - you'll literally date anyone and everyone who applies. Of course you're going to get 100 messages in 4 hours when you don't discriminate in any way.

 

But most women do have some preferences in their profile, even if not stated in a laundry list fashion...hence why the rest of us don't have thousands of messages to sort through a week.

[northern_sky]

The number of guys you had contacting you was hardly over the top, from what other women have told me or from articles I had read written by female journalists that have road tested on-line dating for a news piece. Some have gotten close to 400 the first week and one women who created a profile on ashley madison got well over a 1000. Even though you describe yourself as plain I have no doubt your success was in large part explained for the reasons you outlined in post 16. Also what’s your definition of success? As others have said, for a female getting dates with OLD is like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

For many guys just getting a 'thanks but I am currently seeing someone else' or ‘I just don’t think we would be compatible’ msg back or a pleasant date with someone in their league without it being a rare event would make the OLD experience seem less of a past-time in self esteem erosion, whereas I have no doubt it’s the opposite for quite a number of the women (the women I know admit it).

 

Your attitude to OLD made for refreshing reading. I wish there were more women with your outlook on-line. Tough I suspect more women might initially start out like this and get jaded after a while. It depends on their expectations (and if they match it) and how good they are at filtering out the smooth operators who have no intention of serious relationship. Many seem to have a couple of experiences with these guys and then write off all the other guys on the site.

 

I guess my friends and I must all be butt ugly then.

 

It's hard for me to imagine somebody getting over a 100 messages in four hours on OKCupid even just in terms of that many people viewing your profile. But maybe the OP lives in a highly populated area.

[irc333]

Yeah, I tend to ask out after about 2 or 3 emails....but you'd be suprised how many, "I'm not ready yet" reponses....I used to go along with those, then I'd ask again and they still would not be "ready".

 

Then I'd ask, "So, when do you think you'll be ready?"

 

Then they'll tell me that they don't know yet.

 

Then I would say, 'Hey listen, are we going to go out or not?" and then they get ticked and say "I don't like pushy men, leave me alone"

 

That typically weeds them out pretty quickly, because they have no intention of meeting at all.

 

If she's going to flake out, isn't it better to find out straight away, rather than after exchanging emails for 2 weeks?

[irc333]

You'd be also suprised how many women's profiles I've come across on dating sites that are the SAME faces over and OVER again through the YEARS they've been online....

 

"Judy55220" (this is NOT a real screenname), I've seen her across 4 different dating sites when I do a search in a 50 mile range of where I live...and quite a few other "veteran" ladies that seem to have been on the site forever.

 

For instance, when I do a search, I would see a woman, and think, "Man, she's still on here after a year or 2 years...I emailed her back then, perhaps the reason she's STILL here, is because she's shallow, so perhaps since she's had no luck in 2 years, I could email her again, and see if she responds.

 

No such luck.

 

Also, upon noticing these VERY same women, they tend to add more crap to their profile about how disappointed they were in the responses they got.

 

Even saw one stating, "Yeah, I'm bac on this site again, I took a break from it some time ago, and raelized there's no single men in my area, and I was disappointed with the dating site from before"

 

She lives in a suburban area where most people her age (mid 30's) are married, but of course, if you used a dating site, you'll see a couple of single guys her age here and there....and of course if they email her, she won't respond.

 

For one, if you've been on this dating site forever to the point where you start complaining about your lack of success in the kind of men who have been emailing you IN your profile...or just to the point where you're starting to sound TICKED off IN your profile about the men emailing you, perhaps its time to:

 

1. Reconsider your standards, perhaps start dating the guys that are under 6 feet for a change as an example (for starters).

2. Relocate

3. Stop online dating altogether (yes, this is serious), because you're just wasting website space.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Yeah, I tend to ask out after about 2 or 3 emails....but you'd be suprised how many, "I'm not ready yet" reponses....I used to go along with those, then I'd ask again and they still would not be "ready".

 

I would have simply stopped emailing them after the first "I'm not ready". How much effort is it to go for a drink in a bar, or for a coffee?

[irc333]

I would have simply stopped emailing them after the first "I'm not ready". How much effort is it to go for a drink in a bar, or for a coffee?

 

That's what I end up asking them....they just get pissy with me. LOL. Saying, "I'm being pushy"

 

I think I saw a post from a woman on a message board asking why do "Guys like to meet so quickly?" She was getting tired of men asking her out after just meeting her.

 

Sometimes, I've seen profiles of women saying, "I prefer to meet first, then If i like you, I'll give you my phone #" talk about a backwards method.

 

Some will actually, "I will prefer we talk online for 2 weeks first, then within 2 weeks, we can schedule to meet in person"

 

I think I posted about that one on this board. The woman actually set up her own TIME TABLE on WHEN to meet face-to-face.

[Tim The Enchanter]

That's what I end up asking them....they just get pissy with me. LOL. Saying, "I'm being pushy"

 

I think I saw a post from a woman on a message board asking why do "Guys like to meet so quickly?" She was getting tired of men asking her out after just meeting her.

 

Sometimes, I've seen profiles of women saying, "I prefer to meet first, then If i like you, I'll give you my phone #" talk about a backwards method.

 

Some will actually, "I will prefer we talk online for 2 weeks first, then within 2 weeks, we can schedule to meet in person"

 

I think I posted about that one on this board. The woman actually set up her own TIME TABLE on WHEN to meet face-to-face.

 

 

I wouldn't pay any attention to what those women say, in fact I'd probably never even contact them. You're always going to get people like that on dating sites, especially free ones.

 

I will continue to do what I've always done with OLD, as it's ensured I've had a steady stream of dates and that I meet the right people: chat over email, find out if this person is worth meeting in the flesh, then suggest meeting up. There is no set time for this, I simply decide when I feel the time is right.

 

I also find that if someone seems incapable of expressing themselves in writing, then they're probably not the kind of person I'm going to click with.

[Sarah1977]

That doesn't offend me in the slightest. What it tells me is that your profile shows you have absolutely no stated preferences for men - you'll literally date anyone and everyone who applies.

 

I did not say I would date everyone who applies. I said I would be nice to everyone, regardless of size, statue, etc. I turned down lots of guys. But I did it kindly. My main qualifications for actually going on with a guy were this (although I didn't state this in my profile):

 

1. If he mentioned in his profile that he does some sort of charity work, he won an insta-date with me. Say what you will, but if a guy is spending his free time reading to old ladies in a nursing home or walking stray dogs for an animal shelter, he's a truly kind person. And someone I'd like to meet.

 

2. If he was self sufficient, at least a little funny, and within my age range.

 

Like I said, there were a lot of guys who I assumed I wouldn't be attracted to by looking at their pictures, but when I met them in person, they were really cute. Also, there were a lot of guys who were lousy conversationalists online, had terrible opening messages, awkward, etc.... but ended up being totally fun in person. So, all in all, I was pretty pleasantly surprised with the quality of men I went out with.

 

I turned down the guys who:

 

1. Typed entirely in net speak

2. Insulted me

3. Asked me to 'hook up' with them for 'casual sex.'

4. Were waaaaayyy too young for me.

5. Got angry and cussed me out if I didn't reply quick enough.

[SunsetRed]

I haven't read all of your responses, so I don't know if I'm being repetitive, but I also posted a thread about online dating. I'll admit I need to work on my attitude, so your attitude can be a role model for me.

 

I was told in my thread that men online are either looking for a relationship or to get laid but that no one wanted to just meet and pal around with a new person and see what they're like.

 

Yes, eventually I hope to be in a relationship again, but in no way am I expecting anything from a coffee date with someone I've met online.

I would actually like to have at least one date with all the guys who've messaged me, as their profiles looked nice. However, the one guy that I did exchange #s with acted so serious and presumptious that it scared me.

 

I am looking for the guy who's attitude will be "Hi, want to chat over coffee" not the guy who calls me Honey Babe or Cute Thang and proceeds to schedule our weekend plans. If I could just meet men who are as scared as I am but still willing to give this online dating thing a try, then I'd be happy.

[Sarah1977]

If I could just meet men who are as scared as I am but still willing to give this online dating thing a try, then I'd be happy.

 

What's to be scared of, though? Despite what the media tells us, the world really ISN'T full of rapists and murderers.

[dispatch3d]

I'd say a lot of women would benefit from taking your attitude with online dating rather than hating on getting so many messages. You only succeed in filtering out more guys by acting high-and-mighty. And I can tell you as a guy it's not fun being exposed to hate from some girl who doesn't want to date you either.....

 

Not that I have the power to single handily stop all internet hate. Hate away internet world! I just think people treat each other ****ty on here, and it starts with saying stuff like no players blah blah blah

[Cee]

I'm one of the upbeat and positive ones when I do online dating.

 

I only have one deal breaker, which is homophobia. I work in the AIDS field and I wouldn't be comfortable with someone saying mean things about LGBT people. But I don't scream, "GAY BASHERS NEED NOT APPLY." Instead, I said politely that we'd have a difficult time relating and I'd prefer for him to look elsewhere. In a way, it's good that I have a strong point of view on that topic- I attract men who are vehemently against homophobia.

 

I think women who go negative on profiles have made a fundamental error of the self-fulfilling prophecy. They expect bad so they get bad.

 

I like Sarah's definition of "semi successful." I have been semi successful as well. I have had so many amazing dates. But I haven't been successful in getting a relationship either. I disable my profile when it stops being fun and it starts to hurt. Sometimes it's hard to take going out with an interesting and funny man and then never see him again.

[SunsetRed]

So, OP, how do you handle the guys who want some type of physical interaction, esp if you are going out on multiple dates? I'd like to get to know several guys who look interesting on POF. The one and only date I had so far was very demanding that we kiss after our coffee date and he was just too forward with me. I don't want to kiss anyone rt now, I just want to get to know the different men on my site. So do you just give everyone a friendly hand shake or side hug and tell them you are meeting lots of people, or do you actually kiss any or all of them?