iknow Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I know this is a stupid question, but, do the dumpers ever miss you? Do they ever feel as miserable and as down on life as you do? Do they ever feel the hurt and pain? Do they ever suffer like we do? Do they have any idea the kind of pain they are causing? Or do they just get to go on with their life, like you were nothing, like the past 2 years meant absolutely nothing?
bl22 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I'd love to know if my ex misses me. For someone who was so loving and sweet during our relationship, shes sure changed fast.
valpre Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Depends on circumstances and why the relationship ended I guess. I know that my ex still misses me, and it's been over a year since he broke up with me. However, just because he still misses me, doesn't mean he wants to get back together. It's natural to miss someone who was once your best friend and who you shared so much with. As for hurt and pain, I don't think they experience it as deeply as we do. They don't have to deal with the pain of abandonment and rejection and having no control of the situation. I think most dumpers do go through a phase where they wonder if they made the right decision, and I suppose that can be quite hard. But I'm sure if you spent 2yrs with someone, you don't mean absolutely nothing to them.
Gdunkman Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 In my case it was: No or insignificantly. No. No. Yes, as she had unanswered love before in her life. For at least two years she dated one guy and loved another one, who didn't need her. Yes, she moved on easily. She had time to think before the break up, and when it happened she was ready to live a new life. In my case it was according to the saying "Women are like monkeys. They never let go of one branch until they have hold of another", and I didn't know it for three months until yesterday. She held two more branchs, and the only thing she worried about when she was letting go the first branch was whether one of those two new branchs were at least as good as the first one.
TLCbear Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I agree with valpre, it depends on why the relationship ended. However, I do think that most think about and miss their ex at some point, whether it's due to loneliness, another bad break up, regret, maturity, or just good memories...BUT, that doesn't mean they want you back. I think about all 3 of my ex's everyday, but it doesn't mean I want them back, nor does it mean I will pick up the phone and call. Sometimes I wonder how are they doing or think about good memories we once had. Dumpers that actually had to end a relationship when they didn't want to are usually the ones who tend to suffer more than the other dumpers simply because they were forced to end it due to the other party's immaturity or selfishness. So yes, they feel pain and hurt...but sometimes you have to do things you don't want.
leftfield Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Who cares? I care. I know I shouldn't but I do. Same as I knew I shouldn't smoke but I still did it for years, I shouldn't drink as much as I do, but I still do that as well. I would imagine a lot of people on here care whether their ex still thinks about them. It's part of the process of healing. I think it's better to ask questions like that, then come to some conclusion over them - either they do care or they don't - and then just let it go. Better than demonising them for the heartless banshees they have become and then getting consumed by anger and hatred. From personal experience my ex doesn't seem to care whether I even exist. I think she did for a few weeks after we split, but it's been four months now and I doubt I ever cross her mind. She's too busy enjoying her life. I'd like to do the same but that's easier said than done isn't it.
PegNosePete Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Yeah I do care too. I do wonder all those things. But I try not to because as you said, I know I shouldn't. But I do believe in positive mental attitude. Discussing these things in detail is just wallowing. Better to say what you should be saying, ie. "who cares?", then it works to train your brain to adjust to that. Much better topics for discussion are how YOU can get better. I don't really see any benefit to anyone, in discussing whether or not the ex has feelings of regret.
bl22 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 If I knew my ex missed me even a little bit, or at least thought about me from time to time, it would slightly restore a little bit of faith back in life. Because during our relaltionship, we never argued, we always helped each other out, always loving, shared tons of fantastic memories and laughs and i took her to new places and events which she loved. I was her first and basically her first serious boyfriend, maybe that has something to do with it, since shes got nobody to compare me too maybe she doesnt realise that ALOT of guys, in fact most guys can be real arseholes, only looking for 1 thing. Not accusing anyone on this site of that cause we've all been hurt and obviously aren't arseholes, it seems like they arent the 1s who get hurt. But yeah she changed drastically, it's really ****ed my trust in anyone and anything now, if i knew she missed me, it'd make me feel like I havent wasted my time for 2 years.
bl22 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 What hurts the most though is it seems shes replaced everything we did together, with someone else....it makes me think how can she miss me if shes stil doing everything we did but with someone else....and more importantly, what the **** kind of person can just do that...surely it must register in their brain at times 'hang on a sec...de ja vu.'
Ajax Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I ask myself these same questions. Does my ex girlfriend still think about me? Does she ever regret leaving? Was she ever in as much pain as I've been in? It would make me feel better knowing that I meant something to her. But my ex seems to very sever connections. It's not just me she's abandoned but apparently her family as well. I doubt she's ever really cared enough about anyone to give a **** about leaving them.
Sonolumino Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 No. They don't miss us. At least in my case I'm 100% sure she doesn't miss me. It's evidenced by how she acted. It's sad but people reveal their true natures when the pressure's on.
leftfield Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) I agree that they almost certainly don't miss us - otherwise they'd be re-thinking their decision and getting in touch. But they probably do think about us from time to time. Not necessarily in a positive light, but it depends how it ended. In your case bl22, if you were her first then she will always remember you. I think everyone remembers their first. However, I do have to agree with Pete that there's no point dwelling on it. Think about it today if you need to, decide what you want to believe about her, but accept that you're never going to know either way anyway. I will say this though, in 99% of cases people don't just suddenly change after they break up with you. She may appear to be excessively cold and and distant from you, but what else is she going to be? She wants to re-affirm her decision to leave you was right. So she will cut all ties and act like you don't exist. What you need to do is just accept that dumpers have to do that. It hurts I know, but your ONLY alternative is to spend another few days, weeks or months wondering. It's the same dynamic between nearly all dumpers and dumpees. So either every dumper is replaced -'invasion of the body snatchers style' - by a soulless, evil version of themselves, or it's just what dumpers do. It sucks, but it's human nature. Edited November 1, 2010 by leftfield typo
Gt.ooh Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I ask myself these same questions. Does my ex girlfriend still think about me? Does she ever regret leaving? Was she ever in as much pain as I've been in? It would make me feel better knowing that I meant something to her. But my ex seems to very sever connections. It's not just me she's abandoned but apparently her family as well. I doubt she's ever really cared enough about anyone to give a **** about leaving them. I asked those questions in the beginning, but due to a recent nasty turn of events I don't give a F***. Maybe down the road about 3 months after the anger and emotions has subsided, I'll remember for what it was and not what it is now.. But like Ajax, my ex doesn't care what her family thinks nor for the feelings she's absolutely destroyed on my end, as well as my family. She swore in emails every second word, like I was the worst person to enter her life. She'll get what she deserves one day. I agree with the comment on the monkeys...they only care until they've moved on.
LovelyDaze Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I know this is a stupid question, but, do the dumpers ever miss you? Do they ever feel as miserable and as down on life as you do? Do they ever feel the hurt and pain? Do they ever suffer like we do? Do they have any idea the kind of pain they are causing? Or do they just get to go on with their life, like you were nothing, like the past 2 years meant absolutely nothing? The answer to all of the above is: SOME of them There are some exes who are generally sorry for dumping you and want more than nothing than to fix what broke. This can only be proven by their actions. It's not just enough for an ex to call you again but to actually work with you to start fresh and with love. Other exes just enjoy "dangling carrots" by calling you, sleeping with you, and then disappearing again. These exes just want you around as a "just in case" relationship. They'd leave again and again as long as you keep letting them back in.
leftfield Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 In my case, I know my ex missed me -- after about a year and a half apart she wrote me an emailing stating, among other things, that she "admitted she misses our friendship". Once we started hanging out again, she repeatedly told me how boring her life was without me in it. Of course, that didn't stop her from dumping me a second time. Oh man, that's a harsh turn of events. It's bad enough getting dumped once! But I guarantee most people on here (myself included) would make the mistake of trusting the dumper for a second time. LS tends to attract a certain 'type' - the devastatingly heartbroken. So any glimmer of hope from Mr or Mrs ex would have most of us flapping about in the net. Your outcome seems to be pretty common though from what I've read
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