It will never go away.

[Logik]

OK. Almost a year and a half since she left. Almost 8 months since D was final. LC due to our 2 children (else it would be NC). See her fortnightly, briefly, when I drop the kids off after having them on my weekends.

 

Life carrying on as normal. Blah, blah...

 

But. Had to spend an extended amount of time around her. Kid's school stuff. Felt a bit awkward, but I did it. I even cracked a few jokes with her trying to lighten the situation. She laughed, obviously. I am hilarious

 

Then afterwards, I have those overwhelming feelings of wanting her back again. What's going on? I suppose it never ends. You just have to live with this for the rest of your life. Time heals all wounds? I think not. It never gets rid of the scar, which will sometimes always be painful to the touch.

 

I wish I could go NC. It would make it much easier.

[Steadfast]

I didn't take the time to read your history. Why did she leave?

 

At any rate, it's clear that you didn't want her to leave and romantic feelings remain. Completely normal. You love was strong enough to marry her and have children together. How could that fade in a few months?

 

If it did, the love would not have been real.

 

You are right; time does not heal all wounds. But time does allow some clarity, and that can lead to a greater understanding. IMO, you're experiencing a classic case of the head verses the heart. Your mind is saying 'I should be over this' but the heart knows no timetable. We love who we love and rarely, if one is completely honest, does it ever go away completely. In time, it will catch up with the brain and the logical realization that it's pining away for someone who isn't there will cause change.

 

It's also pretty obvious that you're experiencing some hum-drum feelings...listlessness, boredom, or loneliness. These are things we must work through on a day by day (sometimes, hour by hour) basis, but what must occur first is the desire to be better. Step one is to release any resentment and let her go. One way through this is by accepting her desire to remain apart and -out of love- giving her what she is asking for. Easier said than done I realize, but the alternative is a life of misery. That's no good for either you, or your child. Focus on him, or some other area of need. We experience our greatest happiness by doing for others. It works!

 

Only you can make you happy. She can't. At least, not forever. Use the current situation to make better the old issues that cloud your life. FWIW, your ex wife knows you love her, and believe me it means more to her than she's letting on. Prove to her, your child but mostly yourself that you're capable of getting up off the dirt, brushing yourself off and pressing on. This inner strength is what makes men most attractive to women.

 

Start today! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Keep posting-

[Logik]

Hey Steadfast.

 

To answer the first question: She didn't love me any more. I had some anger issues and she couldn't deal with my yelling at the sports referee (because they're always wrong) or in the rush hour traffic (because I drive perfectly). Funny, I don't have a fraction of the anger problems any more. I wonder what fed them? Frustration from living with someone who was depressed maybe? Who knows.

 

Anyway, at first I tried to stop the divorce and made all the mistakes that everybody makes, but eventually accepted it and let her go. So, I'm not continually pining for her any more. I'm living perfectly fine without her. It was just for that moment after having seen her for more than 5 minutes that threw a spanner in the works and I met again with that moment of weakness. It make me realise that I might be doing fine without her because I can practice the out-of-sight, out-of-mind technique perfectly. In other words, have I actually dealt with it properly? Maybe, maybe a little, maybe not at all.

 

But apart from the moment of weakness, and possible realisation that I might still be at square one, I am happy with myself and I am not living a life of misery. I just realise that the feelings I have for her will never go away. This scares me. Like a smoker who gives up cigarettes will always be faced with a craving some time. Thankfully I am also an ex-smoker, so I have have both of these things to contend with! I think you hit the nail on the head with the head vs the heart argument and you're right in saying that I do feel loneliness, but that won't last forever. Surely I'll meet somebody I can trust, eventually.

 

Thanks for the reply. It did remind me of a few things I might have forgotten, taught me some new things and gave me a little kick where it was needed. Much appreciated.