Tom Crick Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Hi, This is my first post; greetings all! I'm about 6 weeks into having met a guy from a dating site. We've swapped about 50 e-mails, seen each other three times with plans (at his instigation) for a 4th and 5th date this week. Daily texts, etc. All very nice. We've slept in the same bed (third date), during which he chivalrously dug out a t-shirt for me and we just curled up together with some kissing but nothing beyond that. Shared interests, lots of conversation (second date we talked 'til 3am without noticing the hours had whizzed by), goals etcetcetc.... I'm new back to dating after over a year out and while this feels as though it could be very lovely and real, I don't want to jump ahead too soon and sleep together. Though as I'm 30+ and he's 40+, it has been pointed out that we're (probably) beyond such judgements of each other, being, as it were, all growed-up But just a general opinion of folks on here as to when you've decided to sleep with a partner would be an interesting indication Cheers TC
Author Tom Crick Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 <gives it a cheeky little bump>
denise_xo Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 <gives it a cheeky little bump> Rather than a set time frame or a fixed number of dates, to me it's more an intuitive feeling of being comfortable taking that step and sharing that kind of intimacy with another person.
carhill Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 My opinion would be, when one crawls into bed with another, both being mature adults, it's time to have sex. For myself, that takes longer than the timeframe you've mentioned, but the perspective IMO remains constant. As a man, I'd be very frustrated if a woman climbed into bed with me and we 'slept' together without making love. In fact, I can't fathom it. I recall, after a month or so of dating, I had dinner at my exW's house and, due to distance, didn't wish to go home at such a late hour, so I slept on the sofa. At that point, I had not yet reached the stage where I wanted to share myself sexually, but did later, obviously. As everyone is different, I offer the following advice..... talk to your fellow bedmate about it. Ask him how he feels about sharing himself and when. Give him your perspective. Hope it works out!
LittleTiger Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 It depends on the two people involved For me it's when we reach the level of intimacy that it just feels right to take it further. It's instinctive I suppose. When my partner first came to stay with me (we're in an LDR) he slept in the spare room for four nights. The chemistry between us is very strong and if we'd attempted to sleep in the same bed it would have been way too frustrating for both of us. On the other hand, I slept in the same bed with my ex husband for three weeks before we had sex. When I look back I guess it's not that surprising that our sex life was less than perfect.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I think there isn't a set timeframe for these things. When it feels right, go for it. Some follow the three-date rule, others wait longer, others do it on the first date. There isn't a right answer, or a wrong one for that matter.
Author Tom Crick Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 (edited) Cheers all - yep, your replies make sense. It is more of a personal decision to make than a blanket recommendation (bad pun aside....). I suppose I'm looking more to know what Bloke is thinking/wanting, and I'm reluctant to initiate a conversation along those lines. After all, it's good at the moment so why put a label on it? Well, because a label would give me a certain feeling of self-preservation, I think. We're meeting (4th time) this week, bantery texts all day, nice feeling in my tummy. I shall let that evening pan out as it does, particularly along the conversational lines which I suspect will turn towards a more personal tone. I know I'm not ready to sleep with him, though, so whatever happens, I shall keep certain things private! Carhill - he has slept on my sofa after the 6 hour conversation marathon and bearing in mind, it's very uncomfortable, I was very impressed! Little Tiger - the night we spent together, well, we both felt quite nervous and I had to get up the next day early to go to work, so I don't think either was particularly relaxed, but I did feel reassured by his presence and he laughed at the little noises I make in my sleep. I don't think we've skipped a step past sex into cuddling intimacy, or if we have, it's a step we'll go back and catch up on. But there is chemistry! HarmfulSweetz - yep, you're right. Just slightly 'cycling without stabilisers' feeling to make that judgement call over a guy I like this much! My suspicion is that he'd be happy to jump my bones at the earliest green light, but I feel slightly more protective of myself - and more interested in the potential between us - to flash that light too soon.... Cheers TC Edited November 2, 2010 by Tom Crick Adding in more
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