chooch Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Hey guys, back in 'the game' for want of better terminology. Basically there's a cute waitress at this coffee house I frequent (before I even saw her). So, you order the food at the counter and then they bring it over. she's happened to do mine a few times and we've built up a bit of a rapport - sadly it's usually busy so can't tell if she's just doing her job or is more interested. When not serving she's usually just buffing tables etc. I originally intended to leave my number on a napkin (wrote it and left it under my mug), only for fate to conspire against me and for another waitress to clean my table; fortunately I noticed and withdrew the said note. Having read other threads on here I now know a more direct approach is necessary and am glad that plan backfired. Question is when do I ask... 1) as she's brought my food over (I usually go alone) or 2) approach her when she's cleaning tables. Neither is ideal as she'll be busy. 1 will be awkward IMO but this is why I would like advice. One of my mates used to work at the same place and he used to have time to talk with me whilst cleaning tables so I think (if she's interested) she'll hear me out. If not then I've not lost anything... life's too short not to try!
Cosine Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Confidence is the key to approaching woman, I think approaching her or waiting for her to come over either or is fine, but do it with confidence. not sure if I can do this on this forum, but my roommate was reading and he's really good with picking up girls, he told me to tell u to try this. "You know, there is a paradox in becoming a waitress." - You "Oh really. And what is that?" - Her "You meet so many people, but you don't really meet anybody at all." - You "What do you mean?" - Her "Well, you can talk to a lot of people, but you can't ever get to know them; you are on that side and they are always on the other. Even if you liked the person, it would never work because you would always look at him as the guy from the bar." - You Most waitress will agree with you, but they will also try to counter that notion. So you can follow it up with something like... "Don't get me wrong here, I think you're a cool person, but I wouldn't even bother asking for your number." – You ^mix in this with a waitress I think it would be golden possibly? he says it works a lot when he goes out
Author chooch Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Confidence is the key to approaching woman, I think approaching her or waiting for her to come over either or is fine, but do it with confidence. not sure if I can do this on this forum, but my roommate was reading and he's really good with picking up girls, he told me to tell u to try this. "You know, there is a paradox in becoming a waitress." - You "Oh really. And what is that?" - Her "You meet so many people, but you don't really meet anybody at all." - You "What do you mean?" - Her "Well, you can talk to a lot of people, but you can't ever get to know them; you are on that side and they are always on the other. Even if you liked the person, it would never work because you would always look at him as the guy from the bar." - You Most waitress will agree with you, but they will also try to counter that notion. So you can follow it up with something like... "Don't get me wrong here, I think you're a cool person, but I wouldn't even bother asking for your number." – You ^mix in this with a waitress I think it would be golden possibly? he says it works a lot when he goes out Nice one dude - will ask with confidence next time I'm there
Seamless74 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) well first off and this is just from my personal experience.. It seems like your already thinking about the situation too much.. Any time I seem to narrow it down to this one girl and think about all the things ill say or ill the things ill do it never works out i mean never.. Plus your facing a blowout situation I mean if it doesnt work out scratch that coffee shop off your list .. Dont wanna put cold water on the whole thing but seriously the hired gun thing is just flat out tough.. I mean they have to be nice u know? so its really hard to interpret the signals... Plus if you were in the mental frame of giving her your number on a napkin like that your already coming from a place of scarcity... Real world advice unless shes flat out asking you questions about yourself Id say you got nothing solid to go on.. I mean unless she saying things like where do you live? what do you do? what are you doing this weekend.. I wouldnt do anything... Edited November 8, 2010 by Seamless74
Author chooch Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 went for it today and it failed... haha 'she has a bf'. probs just said that to spare my feelings. Nothing lost or gained... at least I went for it.
Leigh 87 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Well done for going for it! That is very admirable - because so many times, women are affable and warm and there really IS no way to actually tell if they regard you as a candidate for a romantic opportunity. Honestly, it is so common for women to act out going or friendly towards men, without being remotely interested in them. Again, it took real courage to put yourself out there, when you really did have no idea as to wheather she would be interested. At least now you know that not all women who come off as "keen" towards you, mean it specifically towards YOU; they just act that way in general, to all men.
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 went for it today and it failed... haha 'she has a bf'. probs just said that to spare my feelings. Nothing lost or gained... at least I went for it. It was a good try my man. Keep going
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Glad you went for it Chooch. Just keep going for it, play the odds. The more you ask, the more you open your possibilities! Keep asking when someone crosses your path.
tb24 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 went for it today and it failed... haha 'she has a bf'. probs just said that to spare my feelings. Nothing lost or gained... at least I went for it. Well done for going for it. She may have a boyfriend she may not. This is what I used to struggle with. In your head you think she's going to say "Oh my god why are you talking to me? leave me alone!". In reality, most girls (almost all, even!) are nice and will to let you down gently. Whether she has a boyfriend or not is irrelevant, it's an easy way for her to tell you she's not interested without hurting your feelings. Once you realise this, and that actually there's nothing to lose asking girls out it becomes far easier. I'd say you probably did gain from it. Experience! Maybe next time you wont need all that planning
Green_eyes Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Bad luck Chooch - sorry it didn't work out. Better luck next time Good heavens tb24 - that really struck a chord with me. Pretty profound advice there.
tb24 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 (edited) No problem, it took a lot (and i mean a lot) for me to get over my fears of just talking to girls. I'm glad i did, it really helped me with life in general. To follow on from what I said: It seems harder to ask a girl out who you're likely to see again. You think "What if she says no? Then it will always be awkward every time I see her"*** It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Next time you see her smile and say hi. After all, by asking her out you basically told her "I think you look like a cool person who I'd like to get to know better", you didn't just proclaim your undying love for her. *** Yes, that is over-analysing but I know i'm always guilty of that and always will be. Hell, I used to talk myself out of talking to girls with stupid things like "I have plans this weekend! I can't ask her out now!". Excuses! Just excuses! Though it's easy to fall into that trap. Oh, and if you get a girl's phone number, if you get shy and fail to call her, you're more than likely upsetting HER. Essentially you got her hopes up. If she gave you her number, she obviously likes you, she's probably looking forward for you to call. Do you really want to let her down like that? If you don't call she'll think you had second thoughts and it might hurt her confidence. You don't want that, do you? If I knew these things when I was younger (luckily i'm only 24 now and didn't leave it too late!) I'd have been way better off. Edited November 11, 2010 by tb24
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